I can't take them anywhere!

I remember (not so long ago) my husband not wanting to go out to eat with our children because he felt like they couldn't behave.  They were young (four kids within 7 years) and although I thought well mannered, crazy nonetheless.

I remember him saying, "we are not taking you to a restaurant again until you can learn better manners" which they did and we did.

It's not always pleasant to sit next to the family with kids screaming for their dessert before their dinner, the kid who pops up from under your table when his is next to yours, or the constant badgering that goes on between parent and child while trying to enjoy a meal whether as a family, a couple, friends, or  quietly by yourself.

I worked very diligently with my children to teach them good manners and helped them to understand that eating out was a privilege, eating was a right.  Once that concept melded into their little minds, they began to look at it as a treat, much like I did when I was young.  I remember fancy dinners at lavish restaurants and being on my best behavior knowing that this was a privilege (although I always had to "use the restroom" to check it out...a fact my parents still tease me about because my girls do the same thing).

Here is an article from www.findababysitter.org about how to help your children have good manners while dining out.  It has great tips on making sure that you help them realize that this is a privilege for them and helps you take control.  It can be found HERE.  

My best advice is to let your children know your expectations ahead of time and don't be afraid to enforce the rules.  If they think you might be afraid to carry out your consequences (such as taking them out of the restaurant and going home), they will walk all over you.  Follow through and consistency are tremendously important in helping your children learn responsibility.  No one is perfect at it, least of all me, but we must get back on that proverbial horse and try, try again.

The age of entitlement

I don't want to ramble (ha), but I wanted to address something that has been bothering me for some time.  

The feeling or assurance that someone owes you something just because you walk on the earth is frightening to me.  I have heard justifications for many things that are flat out wrong, but the most amazing part of it is that somehow (especially our teens and younger adults) seem to think it's okay to justify why they did something stupid by using the quip, "You deserved it" or "It's your fault". 

This post was prompted by a discussion we had with our oldest child (15 going on ??- depends on the day) but he's smarter than we are, he knows much more, and has obviously had life experience to teach him all he needs to know.  

As I sat and listened to him last night go on about this and that (regarding us and our parenting; we're SO oppressive), I thought:  this is a common theme I am seeing more and more; excuses for bad behavior pointed at others rather than at one's self.  

I am not a parent who thinks that I have done anywhere near a perfect job.  I mess up a lot.  I say I'm sorry A LOT.  But what baffles me in general and not always concerning my child/children but more in society is that this behavior is more common than we'd like to think.  

I don't think the welfare programs and other government funded programs would be taken advantage of the way they are if that sense of entitlement, "you owe us something, or everything" attitude were less rampant.  

I didn't have a perfect childhood, no one did.  I don't believe however that my problems are someone else's fault.  Most of the time I'm trying to figure out what I did to either contribute or cause a problem (although I've learned that some people will just take advantage of you if they have the chance no matter what).  

I found myself talking to my husband Sunday night about this very topic (which is wide spread and led to other side topics) but I've come to realize that being pliable, changeable for the good isn't a bad thing, if you know who you are in the first place and I think sometimes with all the distractions that we have in our lives, we ignore who we are, push that person aside, in order not to deal with the tough things in life.  

All I can do is hope that I am teaching my children to take responsibility for their own actions, instead of playing the blame game (which is so much easier to do and such a cop out).  We are responsible for ourselves and our choices, good and bad.  I've made plenty of both.  

As my son pointed out yesterday, "you're too open- you share too much with people mom; you're just going to get hurt".  I'd rather be open and share too much than have a wall 100 feet high letting no one in because I feel like I'm better than another or afraid of getting hurt.  I like to relate to people.  I know I have a lot of growing to do, but I'm glad that I have a strong sense of self (even with my many insecurities-at least I know what they are and am willing to work on them).  If we can be honest with ourselves, we will stop pointing the finger at others in blame, but instead take inventory of ourselves and how we can do better, be better.  

My goal is to be more teachable, more humble, more forgiving, less judgmental (especially of myself), and open myself up to getting hurt but also opening myself up in hopes of great things to come.  Knowing my divine identity and that THIS is who I was meant to be (minus a few kinks), helps me move forward not with a sense of entitlement, but a sense of hope and humility- the enemies of entitlement. 

My two cents

What I'm in charge of...

I was reminded this morning while doing some meditating of wise words that my mother has used time and time again.  She has great one liners, and perhaps one day I will list them all for you (they're precious gems)...but today I just have one.

Don't allow others to determine how you're going to act.  It's a simple concept...we have our own free will, but not always an easy concept to apply.  I have found myself in situations where I've been hurt by others or had something come back to me that a person in my presence currently has said (in a derogatory way) and I've found myself being guarded, cold, and even rude in those situations in order to avoid repeating the same mistake I might have made in the past.  How sad that I've allowed others in the past to determine how I'm going to behave.  I really try to remember these words as well as think of what others who are better than myself would do; but that's not always easy or possible.

I make mistakes, I mess up, I drive with one leg up on the seat...by no means am I perfect.  One thing I do know though, is that I'm super aware of what I have done (especially when I've done it wrong) and I have the opportunity to correct it by not acting that way or saying that thing the next time.

If you feel you should reach out to someone who has given you the cold shoulder (even more than once), then do it.  If you want to apologize for your behavior and make another person aware of it (even if they may not be) then do it.  If you want to wash your hands of someone or a situation, remember that no action comes without consequence, positive or negative.

My two cents

The new world

I have been reading blogs and articles about manners and etiquette (which are not the same thing: manners being a way we act in order to help those around us feel more comfortable and etiquette being a specific code of conduct that may change over time but that is more specific and formal i.e. how to greet the queen, etc).  It's been fascinating to glean different points of view on the subject and I came across an article that originated from a radio show produced in San Fran.  I found it particularly refreshing and pertinent in our society as well as easy to put into practice.  It's an easy read.

Perhaps the rules of etiquette will and do change as time goes on and society adapts, but having good manners and helping those around us feel comfortable doesn't.  Having grace is always in style.

My two cents.

Oh Baby!

Let me just say that in the last few hours I have never had so much hate enter my life.  Thank you to all who have taught me how to properly tweet a hate message, how to Facebook a hate message, and how to email a hate message; I appreciate the education.  For the rest of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me share.  I was asked to appear on my local TV station, which, if you are a follower, you know I do once in a while.  But this was different.  I was asked by the host of the normal morning show that I appear on if I would to a special piece called "Family Focus" that was to air on the 5:00 news- goin' Prime Time baby!  Of course I was thrilled at the prospect and would never turn Brooke down (loves her).

I went at 12:15 (which is the middle of the school day and Liza was getting out early from a field trip so it was an extra special effort to make it up to the big city).  We chit chatted a while and when it was finally time to film, we did a couple of takes for my first "faux pas" of pregnancy etiquette- which was all based on a Today Show Producer who as up in arms over people touching her tummy while she was preggers.  I agree that it's a violation of her privacy and asked people not to do that as part of my top three no-no's.  Next I suggested that people stay away from asking couples or single adults when they will start a family (contentious I think) because it's no one's business!  Third I tackled what was obviously a beast and possibly the cause of future panic attacks- Breastfeeding in public!


Being a mommy of four and having nursed all my babies until well after one (almost two for most)- I'm an advocate and thank my mom and sisters for leading the way...but I have to say, I don't think I ever saw their goods, even though I was around my sister all the time when she was raising her five children.

Anyway, I suggested (as you can see in the video that I LINKED TO HERE) that I suggested that ladies should cover up.  OH BOY (yes I yelled)- this was a huge misjudgment in wording I suppose.  I don't know if I would have said it differently?  I guess I could have said "be discrete" but I probably would have gotten just as many haters.  You would have thought that I had just said that I hated all moms who breastfed, that I thought they were all awful for showing up in public, that they should be ashamed of themselves, and never again show their faces (isn't that what I said?)- Oh wait- NO!  I said that WE should cover up when in public places and when others besides immediate family (or others close to us- who I'm sure we can gage) are around in order to not make others feel uncomfortable.  I was speaking from personal experience.

Not too long ago we were with friends in Hawaii and while waiting outside for a table for dinner, I turned around to see a woman taking down the spaghetti strap of her dress to pull out her melon (watermelon) sized bare breast to feed her child in front of about 65 of us all waiting for this sushi place to open (you know the one I'm talking about on Maui?)- She was completely bare chested- there was no place to turn, she was on display for all to see.  There were several other benches in that strip mall, I know because my friend and I had just checked out a few of the other shops.  I did not wish for this sweet woman to be ashamed of her body, her baby, or breastfeeding, I just wanted her to take it somewhere a little more intimate so that just her and her baby could enjoy it.

That is all I'm saying people!  If you're wearing a sweatshirt already and you can't see anything, then you don't need to cover up, do you- which is why I said in the article, figure out what's best for you- I'm not the breastfeeding manager of you all!

I don't think I'm asking too much here or that it's bad manners.  I think it's good manners to make others comfortable.  Etiquette is simply more formal customs, so it doesn't really apply, but manners do.  When thinking of good manners, I will not give up my life, but I will consider others when making a decision on whether or not to expose my body in front of other people to feed my child when to solution is simple and when I know that will make other people feel uncomfortable, I am more than happy to retire to a bench more secluded in the mall, a restaurant booth, or one of many other locations.

I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying it doesn't take practice, but when I am accused of being discouraging to women who may want to breastfeed, or my words keeping them from breastfeeding altogether- I find that accusation harsh, unfounded, and unjust.

That's my two cents (and that's all it is!)

Janine

Yes Nanny...

In the fun world of parenting, at one time or another, parents will leave their children with a babysitter or nanny.  This can create a mutually beneficial relationship that can enrich both parties lives.  However, there are some things that need to be considered before embarking on such an adventure!


For the parents:

• What goes on in the family, stays in the family- children need to be taught that they are not to share private information with their babysitter (i.e. My mom yelled at my dad today).
• Rules need to remain the same- whether you as the parent are there, or the nanny/babysitter is present, rules should not change.  
• Communicate- always ask your child what happened during their day and be sure to find out (tactfully) if the nanny/babysitter is treating your children appropriately.
• Make sure you set boundaries and remember that the nanny/babysitter is an employee.  It's difficult when you have someone tending to the needs of your child, not to involve them in your life- you don't need to be cold, but boundaries (not going into the master bedroom, not taking or borrowing personal property)  need to be established from the beginning.

For the nanny/babysitter:

• Do unto others- It can be difficult to put yourself in the parent's (your boss's) place, but try.  If you wouldn't want someone yelling at your child, don't treat their children that way (that's never acceptable to begin with).
• Be honest- at one time or another, we've all used the best language possible on our resumes to make ourselves sound appealing, but it's quite another thing to be dishonest.  Make sure you're telling the truth to your employer and if there has been a falsehood already told, you need to come clean.
• Respect rules and boundaries- it can be difficult when working in a home environment to remember that you're still at work.  Talking on the phone, running personal errands, and checking social networking sites while being paid may not be a good use of work time.  If you are bored, or lack work, you can ask your employer what they would like you to do during down time.  

These tips help to ensure that both parties will have a fruitful and long-lasting relationship and helps everyone feel more comfortable, which is what etiquette is all about!

Studio 5- again...lucky me!

(Studio 5 has not- and I have not labeled myself an "expert", it's just a fun graphic)

I had a blast going on Studio 5 last week and talking about play date etiquette. I got to choose some viewer emails and answer them and I enjoyed that. Check it out here.

Give Me "Five"

"I would love to hear about how to teach children to have good manners. This is very important to me that my dd has good social graces. I believe this is to show respect for herself and others. She's turning 2 next week, so I know the best way is by example. But I would love to hear tips and such to use when she is older."

I love this question, thank you for asking it. As my children grow, I've come to understand that manners and etiquette truly come as a process in life. We learn simple things as small children, like how to say please and thank you (as early as 1 1/2 or 2) and as we grow, we learn not to hit, to say "sorry", to take turns, etc. These things are all part of the process.

As far as sitting down and teaching manners to children, I have come up with some things that I feel are important to teach my children, so that's the experience that I can talk about.

1. To treat every person with respect-It's crucial to teach our children that though every person is different, every person has the right to be treated with basic human respect. This does not mean that we trust every person, that we place ourselves in dangerous situations, but that we treat others with kindness whenever possible. I've talked about this before here.
   
2. Answer the phone well- I know this may sound silly, but first impressions say a lot. I have taught my children to say, "Hello "Smiths" this is "Carlie" speaking. May I please ask who's calling? One moment please. Then they are never to yell at me to summon me to the phone, they are to leave the phone and come find me, or bring the phone to me. It's a privilege in our home to answer the phone, not a right.
3. Give me "Five"- Please, Thank you, I'm sorry, Excuse me (or pardon me), and you're welcome which goes along with this post. These are things that every child needs to learn how to say. They need to also understand how to be sincere in saying these things. Sincerity of heart starts with our example.
4. Adults are not their equals- Children need to learn not to be afraid of adults, but to respect their elders. This is not an outdated concept as some would have us believe, but a lost art. People who are older than we are have more experience and wisdom than we do, and that position demands our respect. We need to teach our children that the most wise people they will ever know will be their grandparents if they have them, or the elderly people in their life. If they don't have the privilege of having grandparents, take them to a retirement home and volunteer there as a family. Let your children interact with the people there, you may be surprised to find out just how much these wonderful people have to say and how much we have to learn. I know these experiences in my life have been very fulfilling and spending quality time with my grandmother every weekend growing up brings back fond memories...she taught me to love some of the finer things in life.

Here are a few more ideas from a previous post called, "My top Five" which deals with some other crucial manners to teach our children.

Fancy Fridays: Titles

Here is an email from a reader:

"About 6 or 7 years ago, my friend called to tell me that she was going to expect her daughter (and her other kids) to address me as Mrs. Smith, rather than Kate. She wanted to let me know so that if her daughter called me Kate, I could gently correct/remind her to call me Mrs. Smith. I thought that was such a great idea that I began to implement that with my children as well.

Today when my daughter came home from playing with a friend, she told me that her friend said she can call adults the same thing that her mother calls them - not using a proper title. I said, "Well, that is there choice, but you know the rule in our family." When I talk to my friends and neighbors, I call them by their first names, but when I speak to my children about other adults, I use Mr. or Mrs. My kids are in that habit and I think it is important etiquette to show respect to adults. I even correct other children when they call me Kate - it actually kind of shocks me when they do!"

Titles are important and we should be teaching our children at home. I think that it's important that the teaching come from us, the parents, because that's what our children will remember. My son's friend may be afraid of me if I remind him to call me Mrs. Smith, but if I'm reminding my son to call his friends' moms by their proper titles, it doesn't matter how often they ask him to call them by their first name, he goes on calling them by their proper title as a sign of respect. My kids and I have not had formal discussions about this at all, but I notice that we have a neighbor who announces herself by her first name when talking to the children and they still call her Mrs. ABC...it's just habit, that's all it is.

There are exceptions to this rule. I have very close friends whose children are more like my kids or my nieces and nephews who call me a special nick name and not only do I not mind it, I welcome it..but that's special and not for everyone. In intimate circumstances I think you can change the "rules" but in general, our children need to remember to respect our elders and that's a good start. If they can't remember Mr. or Mrs. whatever...start with a generic Ma'am or Sir.

Airplane Etiquette 101

Here are some basic things that always apply while traveling on a plane:

1. If you have an aisle seat, keep your elbow or knee from extending into the aisle; this is a good way to preserve your extremities as well as give everyone else some room.
2. If the person on the aisle is sleeping and you need to get out of your seat, softly say, "excuse me" and tap them if necessary. It's perfectly fine to wake them, just do it gently.
3. Be understanding if the person next to you needs to repeatedly use the restroom; they may have a medical problem that means frequent trips. You might consider switching seats for both your comfort.
4. Keep any work or other materials from extending into the seats next to you.
5. Don't snoop
6. Keep noise to a minimum, whether talking to someone or reading a book to a child. Being heard on an airplane does require raising your voice, but you needn't shout. If your child is playing a video or computer game, keep the volume on low or bring headphones.
7. Don't stay too long in the restroom. The full makeover can wait until you land. Always make sure you leave the restroom clean; wiped down, trash thrown away.
8. Try not to block the view of people watching the movie. If you need something from the overhead bin, grab it quickly.
9. If you have a bulkhead seat, don't put your feet on the wall, even though it's carpeted, it's not a floor.
   

Emily's Magic Words

I am so excited about this! I have been working on these exact words with my three year old and the fact that there is a book out there that reinforces what I'm trying to teach her makes my day! I talked about this very subject when I wrote, "Please and Thank you..." and now I've ordered this book to help drive this point home to my youngest. You can order it here.

It's so important to me that my children start to grasp this concept early, although they are not perfect at it, neither am I. The other day however, my baby was drawing on the chalkboard and I asked her if she wanted to do something...she replied, "No thank you" and kissed me. That is a rewarding moment as a parent.

I must tell you that my posts for the next two months or so are going to be fairly brief. I have committed to something that will take several hours a week and I'm already constantly going it seems. I hope you will be patient with me!

You and you...but not you

So your child is having a birthday party. There are choices as to how to distribute invitations, but the easiest way for most parties (during the school year) is to let them pass out invitations at school. Let's talk about how that can be done minimizing hurt feelings. Let me say that I prefer that my children have the address or at least the phone number of the child they'd like to invite, and then the invites can be mailed.

When passing out invites at school it's important that you sit down with your child and explain what happens when someone whom they know is not invited, how that makes them feel, etc. Then you give them specific instructions that might sound like this, "When you pass out the invitations, do it by yourself maybe during recess, go and find each friend, hand them the invite, and just say 'here is something for you to open when you get home', and then move on to your next friend". This does not mean that their friends will listen to your child, but it gives them the opportunity to do so.

Whenever possible, you could also take your child on a special "date" and drive them to deliver the invitations. I do realize we live in a very busy world where things are spinning so fast for most of us, we barely have time to breathe, but, taking the time out for our children to explain these things to them really does pay off in the end because you are helping them recognize that others have feelings too and asking them how they would wish to be treated were the tables turned...great teaching moment!

Manners come in small packages

This morning my daughter offered our guests water and brought it to them..what polite manners! That's really all I have to say for today, sometimes our children can teach us things!!!

Foundations of etiquette

"Although today's manners are more situational, tailored to particular circumstances and expectations of those around us, they remain a combination of common sense, generosity of spirit, and a few specific 'rules' that help us interact thoughtfully. And as fluid as manners are (and always have been), they rest on the same bedrock principles: respect, consideration, and honesty." (Peggy Post, Emily Post's Etiquette 17th edition)

Respect- in order to respect someone, we must value them as human beings, regardless of their background, race, or creed. We should never treat others who "serve" us, such as waiters, salespeople, or office assistants, like they are inferior to us. We can demonstrate respect in our day to day living by how we treat all those around us.

Consideration- It's all about the golden rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". We can be considerate by thinking of other's feelings and then be kind by acting on those thoughts. This attribute can be demonstrated by helping others in need, offering praise, or giving a gift or note of thanks.

Honesty- this is an ethical characteristic more than proper etiquette, but they are intertwined. A tactful person can say something honest about another person without causing great embarrassment or pain. "I like this bathing suit on you better" rather than "that bathing suit made you look fat".

Other attributes that are important:

Graciousness- Grace is defined as "good will: favor", "thoughtfulness toward others"; and "a sense of what is right and proper". Being gracious means that we are able to put others at ease in our presence and spare them any embarrassment, for example when someone forgets your name and you say, "Oh don't even worry about it, I'm always drawing a blank when I try to remember names".

Deference- means of recognizing a person's experience or accomplishments. For example standing when an older person enters a room, removing your had when inside a school or place of worship, addressing others by their proper titles or last names unless instructed otherwise by that person. Deferring politely reflects well on the person who defers by demonstrating that he/she values other people.

Sticky, sticky...

By the time our children are two or so, they've mastered the word "No" pretty well, although research says they don't fully understand the meaning until later in their childhood years. Although I'm not a fan of children saying no to things that need to be done, or their parents asking them to participate in the family, I am a fan of teaching them how to say "No" gracefully.

No doubt they will be put in situations all throughout life where they will have to respond to peer pressure, pushy people, intrusiveness, etc. but if we can teach them grace and confidence, they will be less likely to attract those kinds of people (hopefully).

For example, I had an email this week asking me how to politely say "no" to a pushy salesman. This is something some of us have to do with children hanging on our leg, so it's a perfect opportunity to teach by example. They come to your door, you open it, they state who they are and what they want, and you point at your "No Soliciting" sign on your door (get one!!) and say, "Thank you for your time, but I never buy door to door, goodbye". This may seem harsh, but it is proper etiquette to state that once at the door or on the phone, and hang up. It is rude of the telemarketer or salesman to continue. This response leaves little room for them to say anything, and more importantly, it protects you...you should not be answering the door to strangers or salesman (whether you're a woman or man). If you are able, screen your guests before answering and teach your children not to answer the door without permission.

If you have become engaged somehow in their sales pitch, or in my email question, my reader stated that the salesman was rude enough to ask a personal question that was rude and uncalled for, you may simply say either, "I said no, thank you, goodbye" or "No thank you, goodbye" or "I'm not going to answer that question, thank you, goodbye". You are perfectly within proper etiquette bounds to say any of those things and shut and lock the door, or hang up the phone.

Our society today is focused less on customer service and more on the bottom line, which is sad commentary indeed; but we can counter this by being polite but firm, remember they've invaded your privacy...It makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets a phone call from a telemarketer and when they persist, he asks for their phone number and asks if he can call them at home! I couldn't resist...and I'm not condoning this behavior, but I laugh so hard every time I see this episode, it's one of my favorites.

My top five!

Like I said yesterday, it's never too late to teach compassion or manners, but I also think that it's never too early (as soon as they can walk anyway).

Sharing and taking turns- although until children are two they have no concept that others have feelings, we can still help them "pretend share". This becomes an issue usually during their third year (when they are still two). We can teach them to trade, to ask please, and we can help distract them with another toy and let them know it's alright to share. When your children are older, if you have practiced sharing and taking turns, they will be used to this idea and it will not be a difficult thing.

Cleaning up- I cannot say my children are perfect at any of these things, but I think they have the most work to do on this one. When your children play with something at home, it's good practice to have them clean their own mess. As they get older this can translate into their cleaning up their dishes and other types of messes besides toys. When your children play at someone's home, it's good practice to have them clean up the mess they play with at their home; it shows respect for other people...especially the friend with whom they play.

The magic words- It's in my top five for sure, but I've already written about it, check the post on Monday.

Giving and accepting compliments- All children love compliments about themselves, but how often do they give compliments to others. Yesterday I was in the car with my children and my six year old said, "Mommy, you look beautiful today". This made my day and she knew that...it's not a common occurrence, but it's always nice when they say nice things to other people. Make sure that you teach them (by example) to give sincere compliments to them and to others around you...you will find they will follow your lead.

Chewing with our mouths closed- I know this one seems small compared to the others, but it's a pet peeve of mine, so it goes on my list. My children, from a very young age, learn to chew with their mouths closed and not to talk while their mouths are full of food. I always tell them to remember what they wanted to say until they are done chewing their food. If one must speak while still eating, cover your mouth and say, "oh, just one moment"...this happens sometimes when a person asks you a question just as you've taken a bite of food...we've all been there!

That wraps up my top five, by no means are we perfect at these things at our house, it's always a work in progress.

Little miss (or mr.) manners

Pretend play or "role play" is a fantastic way for young children to learn manners. There are several ways to do this. For example, one of my pet peeves is that my children answer the phone with courtesy. Instead of letting them decide what "courtesy" means to them, I have set up a phrase for each situation they might encounter on the phone. Some of my children (the older ones) have adapted these phrases to their language, but the same rules apply (we're still working on the little kids, it's never perfect). My children must say, "Hello Ottley's, this is ________ speaking" when a person asks for someone else, the children say, "may I please ask who's calling?" when someone is unavailable, they say, "he/she is not available at the moment, may I take a message?". The way I "trained" them to say these things was kind of fun. I called my mother in law and asked her to call us while we practiced our phone manners. We discussed what was appropriate and what to say and then we practiced...a lot! But, first and foremost...

Helping others- we can teach our children at a very young age to help others. This often starts in the home as they help mom or dad. As they get older, it's important to teach them the value of lending help to others, whether they are friends or strangers. We must also teach them in this scary world (unfortunately) that they must look out for their safety first. It is still hard for me to pass a car on the side of the road where someone is obviously having car trouble, but I must do that for my own safety. This, however, does not prevent me from calling a local gas station or highway patrol if appropriate, so that this person who is stranded might receive the assistance needed. Teach your children to open doors for others, teach them to be polite and allow others to walk through a doorway first, especially ladies, teach them to stop in the parking lot (with others around) and help pick up the person's groceries that have spilled all over the asphalt. Our world is full of people who are passive, or simply do not care...it's never to late to learn compassion, and it can be learned.

Please and Thank you, Please and Thank you...that's what we say!

Again with the songs in my head! My kids have all learned a cute little song from their preschool teacher (same teacher) and we sing it often in our home to remind them. In honor of "back to school" I thought I'd write about basic good manners that we can teach our children. I feel that good manners are habit and upbringing, and although we can learn them at any time, I think the best time to learn anything is when we're young.

Please, Thank you, and You're welcome are all the magic "words" or phrases really. These are things that are forgotten often in every day conversation, but that we must remember to use. "You're welcome" is probably the most difficult one for me because I get used to saying things like, "Oh, no problem" or "not a big deal" when really, that's not what I should be saying.

Courtesy is something we can instill in our children by talking about things such as "gratitude" or "being grateful" and "appreciate" and bringing these attributes into your home.