Back by popular demand

I got a Facebook wall post today requesting that I start posting again- so here I am. I have resolved to do better even if I'm not feeling well physically, because 1. I can do this job in my PJ's and 2. I love you guys! I so enjoy my readership here and I am excited for what 2010 holds for The Pink Teapot.

Tonight I just want to write a small reminder about apologies. We had an incident today in our home (there are a lot of those with four ladies in the house) and this incident required an apology on the part of one of my children. I encouraged her to seek out the other individual, apologize, and then take the necessary steps to correct what she had done to the best of her ability (sometimes we can't fix what we've broken, darn it!)- She did take my advice and has gone the extra mile with notes intended and gifts planned.

My husband made a good comment that I thought I'd leave with you all: After I had suggested that she take some of her hard-earned babysitting money and buy a gift for the offended party, my lover said that we ought to be careful in buying gifts to say "I'm sorry" and expect that the gift is the apology, rather than the amended behavior or what have you. I thought it was a good point; although I love giving gifts for any reason, it's always good to remember that making things right is more important than flowers (but not chocolate- lets be clear).

I hope my girls learn the hard lessons the "easy way" if that's possible for them- I hate knowing that they are facing all of these tough situations, awkward pauses, curt smiles, back-biting, and all the other fun things that come along with becoming a woman. I can only hope that one piece of their moral armor that I place on their bodies every day is good manners.

Happy New Year everyone- it's gonna be fantastic!

Awww...you shouldn't have...really!

Much to my chagrin, we are still on the mend, with a different child coming into our room in the middle of the night sporting a new symptom of illness...last night, a stomach ache and sore throat. Oh well. I've gotten used to the sleep deprivation again, like I had when they were tiny, so here I am once again for your blogging pleasure.

As requested by a facebook fan, I'm writing today about a fellow blogger who was berated publicly on another blog. How can I put this gently- what poor taste and bad manners! Let me be clear, this is my opinion, not fact, but this is an etiquette blog. Blogs by definition are meant to state opinions, not always facts, however, I believe when we are going after someone's moral character, we'd better have all the facts first.

I am speaking of The Nie Nie Dialogues. Stephanie Nielson is a helicopter crash survivor who has chosen to continue blogging about the joys and challenges of being a mom of four children. She was burned over 80% of her body and some people on the Today Show Moms Blog have accused her of not keeping track of the funds given to her, of using her "fame" to get things, and so on. Like I said, people are entitled to their opinion, but we need to be careful where we draw the line in attacking moral character whether in a blog or in real life...it's just not our place to judge.

I personally have been touched by many of her stories and posts and enjoy reading her blog. This may not be for everyone, but are there really people that miserable out there that they must attack others in order to feel better about themselves? That is a sad commentary indeed. Let us first concentrate on ourselves and what good we can do, how we can improve, so that we can see more clearly how we may help others- in a life of service, not judgement.

That's too much info for a first date!

We were recently the hosts of an all adult dinner party at our home, a proud accomplishment with four little ones.  It was enchanting for me as I watched my husband truly delight in our guests' company (as did I of course).  You know who you are and since you read my blog and you know I'm going to mention this, you shall remain nameless!

One of our dear friends related an experience she had while attending an event where she knew no one well.  She felt uncomfortable at the level of intimate conversation going on, not necessarily because these ladies were being so rude, but perhaps (in my opinion) because they were not considering her feelings or thoughts being someone who was new to this particular situation and could in no way keep up with the inside jokes, the casual sarcasm, or the flagrant disregard for anything private (it seemed).  Now I'm not lecturing these ladies by any means, there is nothing like a great group of girlfriends, however, when one is invited to be part of that for a time, that group needs to be sensitive to that one new person's needs, instead of just thinking of their own needs as a group.  Someone should to stand up for the little person, the new girl, and it's you...the one reading my blog.

Here are a couple of things to think about:

• When in mixed (newer) company, there are topics to avoid:  Sex and bodily functions, other people, intense politics, religious differences, and child rearing techniques.  You could also add to that list-insistent opinions stated as facts about any topic.  I will never forget sticking my whole leg (if you will) in my mouth once when I didn't know a family well at all, and talking about how I thought an establishment could do a little better in this area or that, and it turned out they owned it, nice Janine, nice.  I learned my lesson-listen far more than you speak, ask questions about the new person; find out what they're interested in, who they are, where they're from.  Most likely you'll find you will have things in common.  If not, at least you made an earnest effort and tried your best.  If you truly lack for conversation, try The Box Girls they specialize in conversation boxes for different events in your lives, what a fabulous idea!
• Think of others, not only of yourself.  At times I find that I will talk about my life or doings (when asked) in order to avoid making others feel as though they have to open up, break the ice, someone has to do it!  This is an art; one I have not perfected.  You have to gauge who that person is, how much they like to converse, how comfortable they are talking on "the first date" and subsequent dates, and read their body language and facial expressions.  We went out with friends recently who wanted to know all about a particular topic; they were fascinated by it.  I happily delved into this particular topic, but that's where I tried to monitor (maybe not successfully) talking too much and getting too passionate about my subject versus satisfying them in their curiosity.  We're going out again soon, so I guess they've given me another chance to work on that "art".
• There's always a way out; in this I firmly believe.  You are never stuck and here are some tips that I shared with my dear friend- some light and comedic, some matter-of-fact, and some- to the point:  "That's way too much information for a first date", "Wow, is it that late?  it's past my bedtime!", "That image is going to be in my head all next week, I'm not sure how I feel about that" (all using comedy to lighten the situation but hopefully get your point across-especially when sex is brought up inappropriately).  Here is another post I did on gossip that gives some great tips on how to handle a crowd when gossip arises. "I have a date with a bubble bath and have to go, thank you for inviting me", "It's been such a long day ('already'-if during the day) I am going to go home and take a breather, thank you", "Sorry to jet out of here so early, but I have a million things to do (who doesn't), thanks for the invite", "You ladies were so kind to include me, it's so nice to see close friends all together.  I have to get going I have_______ to do, thank you" Here I've given you several one liners that tactfully get you out of a situation and allow you to leave.  Make sure you convey your thanks, no matter how saucy the gathering got, to the hostess, not forgetting your manners.

We just have to remember that relationships with women are some of the most enriching (or can be) experiences that we will have in this life, as they were meant to be.  They are not to replace our spousal relationships, or our relationships with our children (should that be your stage or choice of life), but there is nothing like a good group of girlfriends.  For me, most of my girlfriends are scattered all over the place, a sprinkling, if you will.  I adore that.  I have all kinds of close, adorable, sophisticated, loving, kind, women in my life who enrich me and lift me up.  They make me a better person and that's the whole point.  I like acquaintances, but I've learned the difference between a true friend, a passing friend, and an acquaintance, all of whom are valid and okay, just different.  I remember an email coming around saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and do you know what makes me most grateful?  That most of my girlfriends are there for a lifetime.  I love you all, you know who you are; thank you for enriching my life and making me a better person.  

That's what women are meant to do in your life, so if that's not what's happening, change it up, think about what you're attracting to yourself, and fix it, if needs be.  Make friendships a priority, it's a sad thing indeed when people don't have that in their lives.

Love to all, I'm heading out of town so have a glorious spring weekend!

if you can't say anything nice...

when in the company of someone or persons who begin to talk about another person, what do you do? Listen in? Add your thoughts?

The best thing we can do to detour this kind of behavior is to either re-direct the conversation politely, which is actually very easy to do (look below) or if you simply cannot, walk away...that's right...I give you permission to stand up or turn around and simply walk away.

I am certainly not perfect and have made mounds of mistakes in my life and continue to do so, I will also use the advice I give to better my life, which is one of the reasons I have this blog.

Picture this: You're at lunch with seven other women from your general area (work, neighborhood, building, play group, gym, whatever...) and the conversation casually turns to Freida, the friend who couldn't make it and everyone knows she's having marital problems let's say. One lady at your lunch tells details that she heard from another of Freida's friends whom you don't know...or you do know her, it doesn't really matter. Another of the ladies at lunch chimes in with how poorly her kids are doing in school because of the whole situation. It's really already gone too far. But, at this point, you step in, be brave, and say, "You know what? It might hurt Freida's feelings to know that we're discussing her without her being here, I'm sure she needs our support and comfort right now" PAUSE "You're all so nice to care about her situation so much...but I haven't heard a thing about how all of your are doing?" There it is, plain and simple. If that doesn't work or you get a look like you just walked in without clothes, simply excuse yourself and let the ladies know that you'll see them later and simply walk out with a smile.

Sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing, in fact, most of the time, the right thing isn't the easy thing, but it still needs to be done.