Happy 200th Post!

I can't believe that this blog is 5 years old and I am now posting my 200th post!  I have shared many personal experiences as well as practical etiquette advice not only with you as a collective group, but have had so many wonderful personal experiences due to this blog.

I started this blog for me, to do have something all my own.  It's difficult to decide where I go from here.  Although it's an etiquette and manners blog, I feel that there is so much more to being a lady, a classy woman, than good manners.  j'adore fashion and all things elegant...but I can also shop at Target with the best of them!

"Cost and worth are very different things" quoted from one of my favorite movies "Confessions of a Shopaholic".  Probably because I can relate to Rebecca Bloomwood in SO many ways.

The world does feel better when I've just brought home bags of goodies, but then when I need a pick-me-up, I go shopping again.  I find it fascinating that in society, one who has the financial means to shop is considered eccentric, idolized, fun to watch.  But when there isn't the financial backing, it's a problem.  So interesting how society looks at those things.  I find it similar to eating...if you're thin you can eat whatever you want (if you have the disposition to not gain weight), but for those who do (I am one of them), we are looked at in a positive light as long as we stay thin, but if we gain weight, it's frowned upon and our eating habits are taken into question.

If we have a special flare for a particular thing, talent, whatever you want to call it; we will always have those who appreciate what we do and we will always have the haters, no matter how much we would like that not to be the case.

I have learned the following lessons, particularly in the last five years:

• You CANNOT control other people, you can only control yourself
• What others think about you is really none of your business
• The more success you have, the more people will not like you (true especially of women)
• Not everyone is going to like you
• Always follow the Golden Rule; it will not always work out how you would like, but at least you know you are treating others as you would want to be treated
• Forgiveness is within yourself, it has nothing to do with anybody else
• Sometimes the things that bother us the most about other people are because:  1.  We see those faults in ourselves 2. We have overcome those faults and it annoys us to see others not overcome them 3. We have had a bad experience with a particular trait that someone may possess and we have no trust or tolerance for their behavior  4. We are justifiably angry.  Often times the finger you are pointing at others needs to be turned right back around and pointed at yourself.
• I cannot and do not define myself by what my house looks like, my waist line, my children's hair,  or any other temporal thing, and have come to feel sad for those who do.  
• I have to be careful to not throw out the word "etiquette expert"(even though it's usually others who do that without my prompting) because it leaves me open for attack.
• I am not a self proclaimed anything...except a Daughter of God, a Wife to a truly amazing man, and a mother of four phenomenally talented and beautiful children.
• Success is not an external thing...and those who mistake that and brand their success with their "stuff" will just end up unhappy in the end; we must be joyful during our journey, not looking at the finish line.
• I've learned that I'm okay, and so is everybody else.  Not perfect, but okay, self assured, complete through Christ, at peace.

Those are all the things I can think of when I reflect back on this blog and the lessons I've learned from it specifically.  I have other life lessons I've learned but choose not to air any personal details (other than the ones I have shared in the past) because it's really only my business.  

I am grateful to all those who enjoy what I put out, whether in written form or on TV.  I am grateful that this blog has opened doors for me that I never thought would even be there.  I am excited for what has yet to come and hope that all of you will come along for the ride!

**oh, and I chose sunflowers because they are my favorite.  One of my favorite moments was stopping in a Sunflower field in the south of France and taking in the joy and glory of this wonderful flower that follows the sun; willing to bend and move in order to follow the light.  My aspiration.

My two cents

Are you LDS?

I was on Studio 5 this morning (I will link to the video when it becomes available) but was fascinated not only by the conversation that took place but by the comments afterward on Studio 5's Facebook page.  I was shocked to see how strongly people reacted for or against even talking about this, people saying "get over it", things like that.  

I wonder, if we don't care, why say anything at all?  The only topics I've ever commented on have been ones that I've actually had an opinion about.  The fact that there are comments means that it's something people feel differently about and have differing opinions on.  

My article for this segment was as follows:

Don't Assume:

Just because people live in Utah (or even in a city that is overwhelmingly LDS, don't assume the people you are speaking to are as well.

Don't be afraid:

Ask. Don't make it the first question that you ask after their name or an application they have to fill out to be a part of your life, but at some point in a conversation with someone new, ask them either if they are LDS or if they belong to an organized religion. If it doesn't come up in conversation, go back to rule #1.

Be careful with your words:

Most people have no idea what Mutual is, what a Ward is, or who a Stake President is, let alone all the other terms that may be unique to our religion. Be careful when speaking to people who are not of your faith that you don't use these words without explanation. I do believe this is a part of culture, not just a one day religion, so these words may naturally come up, but don't assume that the other person will know what you mean- so take the time to briefly explain- you might even have them respond with, "I know, I'm LDS" or " I know, I have Mormon friends" thus breaking the ice.

Be respectful and kind:

If the point of manners is to help those around us feel comfortable, then we must do all we can to make that happen. We should never pre-judge a person because they are or are not LDS. My children have friends who are LDS and friends who are not. They have good friends- period. Their friends have good families. Be careful not to exclude on the basis that someone believes different things than you do, whahetever side of the fence you may be on.

I don't think this applies to "Mormons" in Utah only.  This always applies.  I have found myself in as many situations traveling and outside of Utah using this advice as I have in this state (maybe more, in fact).  I find it so interesting that for a dull subject, or one that doesn't need to be spoken about, people have such strong words to share.  

I have never backed down from a conversation where my faith is questioned (in a hostile or a friendly manner), but misconceptions are the biggest enemy and if people don't think they are rampant...they need to open their eyes.  

I'm an open book.  Always have been, always will be.  But I don't believe in shoving my religion or beliefs down others throats.  I also don't believe in tip toeing around things.  I say things pretty much how they are (I say "pretty much" because I may choose a time that is appropriate or gage the temperature of my surroundings, but I think that's good manners no matter who you are or what you're talking about).  

Thank you Brooke, Darin, and Jane (and Chrissy) for allowing me the opportunity to speak my mind.  I have an opinion just like everyone else.  I am entitled to that.  The only thing that makes mine unique is that I come from the perspective of trying to help others feel comfortable in my presence as a presiding factor in how I behave; but anyone who knows me knows that this does not mean I will not stand up for my beliefs at all times, in all things, and in all places.

My two cents

The age of entitlement

I don't want to ramble (ha), but I wanted to address something that has been bothering me for some time.  

The feeling or assurance that someone owes you something just because you walk on the earth is frightening to me.  I have heard justifications for many things that are flat out wrong, but the most amazing part of it is that somehow (especially our teens and younger adults) seem to think it's okay to justify why they did something stupid by using the quip, "You deserved it" or "It's your fault". 

This post was prompted by a discussion we had with our oldest child (15 going on ??- depends on the day) but he's smarter than we are, he knows much more, and has obviously had life experience to teach him all he needs to know.  

As I sat and listened to him last night go on about this and that (regarding us and our parenting; we're SO oppressive), I thought:  this is a common theme I am seeing more and more; excuses for bad behavior pointed at others rather than at one's self.  

I am not a parent who thinks that I have done anywhere near a perfect job.  I mess up a lot.  I say I'm sorry A LOT.  But what baffles me in general and not always concerning my child/children but more in society is that this behavior is more common than we'd like to think.  

I don't think the welfare programs and other government funded programs would be taken advantage of the way they are if that sense of entitlement, "you owe us something, or everything" attitude were less rampant.  

I didn't have a perfect childhood, no one did.  I don't believe however that my problems are someone else's fault.  Most of the time I'm trying to figure out what I did to either contribute or cause a problem (although I've learned that some people will just take advantage of you if they have the chance no matter what).  

I found myself talking to my husband Sunday night about this very topic (which is wide spread and led to other side topics) but I've come to realize that being pliable, changeable for the good isn't a bad thing, if you know who you are in the first place and I think sometimes with all the distractions that we have in our lives, we ignore who we are, push that person aside, in order not to deal with the tough things in life.  

All I can do is hope that I am teaching my children to take responsibility for their own actions, instead of playing the blame game (which is so much easier to do and such a cop out).  We are responsible for ourselves and our choices, good and bad.  I've made plenty of both.  

As my son pointed out yesterday, "you're too open- you share too much with people mom; you're just going to get hurt".  I'd rather be open and share too much than have a wall 100 feet high letting no one in because I feel like I'm better than another or afraid of getting hurt.  I like to relate to people.  I know I have a lot of growing to do, but I'm glad that I have a strong sense of self (even with my many insecurities-at least I know what they are and am willing to work on them).  If we can be honest with ourselves, we will stop pointing the finger at others in blame, but instead take inventory of ourselves and how we can do better, be better.  

My goal is to be more teachable, more humble, more forgiving, less judgmental (especially of myself), and open myself up to getting hurt but also opening myself up in hopes of great things to come.  Knowing my divine identity and that THIS is who I was meant to be (minus a few kinks), helps me move forward not with a sense of entitlement, but a sense of hope and humility- the enemies of entitlement. 

My two cents

I'm Janine, I've been through a lot...and I'm a Mormon

We have gone through a LOT in the last 12 months.  I have learned a lot.  How I can do better and be better (a life long lesson) and many other things.  Here are some of the preparatory experiences I had to help me get to this place. **Warning**  if offended easily- skip this post.   

April- Son collapsed during basketball practice.  Raced to the ER.  Husband in Texas.  They had to restart his heart.  ER doc told him to return to normal activity (oops).  Had heart surgery in May.  Fixed the problem as much as it can be fixed.

August- T boned by a car running a red light while being distracted*.  Totaled our big Suburban like car.  Hurt a lot...various injuries, surgery for a family member in the car in the near future.  Family traumatized and my sweet 15yo doesn't want to drive...ever.

October- diagnosed with cancer (me).  Shocked, sad, numb.  Hopeful and not angry at God.  Surgery to remove the piece on my face (nice scar in the middle of my forehead (or will be a scar when it heals).  

I can't think of what else has happened.  I know there has been some other stuff...but frankly these our the top three in the last six months.  It's made me realize who my true friends are and who they aren't.  Thank you for reaching out true friends when life got hard...and I feel sad for those who were wolves in sheep clothing.  I'm Shocked frankly that people can't put aside whatever their stuff is and just be kind human beings.  I guess that's asking too much of some.  That is what can truly make us great; setting ourselves aside for others.  

I have learned that no matter how well you prepare yourself, things always hit you upside the head when you least expect it.  I've learned that the precious moments with my babies and kissing their faces (no matter how old) are moments I will treasure forever.  I've learned that I don't care if my house is clean or not.  I love it clean, but it doesn't make or break who I am.  I've learned I know who I am and while I know that is an eternal process, I can say with confidence that I know a lot about myself and I like me.  I have learned that caring about other people's stuff (negatively anyway) is a waste of my energy, spirit, and health.  I've learned that our time on this earth is just a speck.  I've learned that it takes far less energy to love than to hate.  

I am so thankful for my belief.  I believe I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and is aware of Janine.  I have a Savior who knows me better than I know myself and knows every single pain, disappointment, and heartache I go through.  I know that my family will continue past this life if I try to live my best life.  To learn more about what I believe and what keeps me from giving up...click here.  

This post has nothing to do with manners.  It's just a bit more about me.  I apologize if it comes across selfish.  I love what I do and it is never work because I love it.  Thank you for making my "job" so easy.

My two cents.

*texting?  No skid marks....