What a polite town Boston is

Coming to Boston, I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only were they as educated and dapper as I had expected, but discreetly polite.  They aren't easily heard in conversation to one another, on the road when merging lanes, one car goes from the left, then from the right, people freely give directions, and all around Bostonians are just polite. 

I have enjoyed this city from a historical, cultural, and culinary perspective.  The fact that it's residents were accommodating in so many ways was just a perk.  

In my travels I don't always come across such a great city, but in many ways, I would call this my favorite in the US (or at least in my top 5).   Way to be Boston- proving that some things do come with age- refinement and elegance for sure being on your side. 

Crowd flocks to palace for Royals first kiss

Britain Shows us how to move with class

Ooops! For those of you who have already read this post, I apologize for having the incorrect link before, here is the proper video.  Enjoy!

I slept during the actual event this morning unlike some of my friends, so I didn't watch the entire event. But I have watched several of the highlights. I enjoyed watching this mass of people calmly walking toward Buckingham Palace. Having been down that road, I can appreciate the enormity of the crowd and as I was watching, I couldn't help but think that they were all being so polite as they were all vying for a spot to watch the new Royal couple kiss for the first time as man and wife in public. I wondered if, in America, we would all be so calm and accommodating to others while trying to get the best view. Just as I was wondering that to myself, Matt Lauer said it out loud. Here is the clip. Great commentary on civility, good manners, patience, and looking out for others around you. Great Britain happens to be a country that, when I visit, I admire for their hospitality and polite nature. They get their point across without infringing it on others.  What class!

The wonderful world of Tipping-Part 1

Tips can be a tricky...do you pay your hairdresser a flat rate or percentage?  When do you give the valet his tip, before you walk in to your venue, when you are leaving, or both?  Here are a few suggestions on how to tip properly:

• Be discrete.  There is no need to flash your cash if you're a big tipper.
• It is customary to tip on the pre-taxed amount of the bill.
• When in doubt about tipping, ask in advance.
• Money is the tip of choice, but in some cases a small gift, usually during the holidays can be substituted.

Restaurants and Bars:

Waiters- 15% is standard, in large cities 15-20% is standard.  Exceptions to the 15-20% rule include:

• When a restaurant is self serve- 10% is customary and is a thank you for preparing drinks and cleaning up your table
• When the waiter has been especially accommodating- you may wish to add an additional percentage or 2-5$ to your 20%
• When a gratuity has already been added to the bill- then there is no need to give a tip.
• When your stay at a crowded restaurant is lengthy- Most restaurants count on turning tables at a fairly quick rate.  Taking more time at a table means losing money for the restaurant and the server.  Tacking on an extra 10-15% will express your thanks for being allowed to linger.

Bartenders

• As you wait for a table, you can either pay for your drinks as you order or ask the bartender to run a tab, with will be added to your dinner bill.  In either case, leave a tip for the bartender when you are told that your table is ready.  in small towns 1$ per drink is fine.  
• If you're at a bar simply to have a drink, tip between 15-20% at higher end if the bartender has run a tab for you, if he's thrown in a free drink or two, add a couple of extra dollars to your tip.

Wine Stewards

• A wine steward ( in upscale restaurants, the sommilier if a man, sommeliere if a woman) is tipped 15-20% of the wine bill, but only if he or she was especially attentive.  If the the steward merely took your order and poured your first glass of wine, you might leave 10-15%, though no tip is required.
• Customers usually tip a wine steward in cash at the end of the meal but in some restaurants you might find a wine-tip line on the credit card bill.  And take note:When tipping a wine steward, tip your waiter only for the food portion of your bill.

Valet Attendants

• Tip the parking attendants 2$ in smaller cities and 3-5$ in larger cities.  Give the tip when the car is brought to you, not when you arrive.

In Transit

At Airports

• Curbside baggage checker, skycap, or airline porter.  The standard is 1$ to 2$ per bag- a little more if the bag is very heavy.
• Wheelchair attendant.  A 2-5$ tip is standard.  If the attendant goes the extra mile, such as pushing the wheelchair from one end of the large airport to the other, tip on the higher end or even more.
• Hotel shuttle bus driver.  If the driver helps you with your baggage, tip no less than 1$ per bag.
• Workers in the airport. Tip as you would servers in other restaurants.

On Trains

• Dining or club car waiter. 15-20%
• Waiter delivering to sleeping car-15-20%
• Redcap or train porter-1$ per bag plus 1$ added to the total.
• Sleeping car porter-2$ per person per night.

In Taxis, Private Cars, or Limousines

• Taxis- generally about 20% of the fare, but in large cities you should tip a minimum of 1$.  If a taxi driver helps with your luggage or packages, a slightly larger tip is always in order; in general 1$ per bag.  Try to avoid using large bills, especially during short rides or shift changes, when drivers aren't likely to have change.
• For car and Limousine services, the easiest way to top is to tell the service to add the gratuity to the bill, and often times this is done automatically. You may do this when you request the service.  In larger cities, the standard tip is about 20%; in smaller cities, 15%.  When a gratuity is included in the fee, there's no need to tip more.

On Cruises 

Tips at sea

• A good rule is to allow about 15% of your fare for tipping.  Divide about half of this allowance between the cabin and dining-room stewards and distribute the rest to others who served you.
• Cabin Stewards, Dining Room Stewards, and Waiters should receive about 3$ per day minimum.  Put tips in separately addressed envelopes and hand them to each person at the end of the cruise with a note of thanks if you wish.
• Lounge and bar Stewards- 15-20% at the time of service.  
• Wine Steward- 15-20% Each time you use his services.
• Hairdressers, manicurists, and other service people are tipped at the same rate as on land (that will be in part two)
• Like train and airport porters-1$ per bag at the time of service
• On longer cruises consider tipping weekly and find a day that works for you to be consistent.  
• Do not tip the ships officers, but do thank them for their courtesy and hospitality if you cross paths or happen to go to a captains dinner.  Do not tip the ships doctor.

Next post I will talk about Hotels, service industry professionals, Health care providers, Home delivery services, Residential Building Personnel, and other out- and about tipping.  I also have a post about holiday tipping that I will refer you to.  

The (not-so-friendly) skies...

So my etiquette nightmare for a "relaxing" weekend unfolded as follows:

I leave for my little weekend getaway in a chipper mood, so excited for a little R & R, the plane ride is pleasant, the person sitting next to me even switches isle seats so that the three of us can sit together, very kind of her (thank you again). As the plane comes to a full and complete stop and the captain has turned off the fastened seatbelt sign, I get up and stretch my legs a little (still not able to stand up straight, but it's better than nothing). I notice the rush of poeple from nowhere crowding into the isles. Where did they come from? Certainly not from in front of me....ahah! they came from behind me; but I'm sure they will let me out first since we're all ready to go, bags in hand, standing up- but oh no, it was a rush as always to cut people off. I was appaulled at people's behavior (and I fly pretty frequently- I was still shocked)!

Okay, so it gets better. When we're ready to board going back we're at the beginning to board the plane. Now ask yourself this, are you one of those people who stands right in front of the gate even though you're Zone 7? If so, stop it! that's what was happening here, I had a wall of people in front of me, and I was trying to board. A lady comes up on the left of me and yells to her family behind her, "Dad, this isn't the line, come up here, none of those people are in line"....I was in line, and there were about 20 of us in line waiting to board and they all made sure she knew that they were waiting in line ahead of her to board. Then when I went to step around the "wall" and politely (as I could muster) I said, "you might want to step aside so that others can board" and the man standing with his wife and others said, "they can go around". Wow- I could have written up so many tickets for bad behavior this weekend.

So my conclusions are: if there are people ahead of you, try and wait your turn. Getting on the plane, I understand we all want room for our carry ons, but if you're the last zone to board, there's not much you can do about it. If you're in a rush to get off the plane because you have a connection to catch, just say so- politely try and excuse yourself (good luck) past the solid line of people in the isles, I'm always letting those people hurry and go because I know it's pertinent that they catch the other flight. I guess the bottom line is courtesy....plain ol' common courtesy.

Elevator man

Now that you all know that I'm a Danny Elfman fan, as well as an Oingo Boingo enthusiast by the title of this post, let’s write about elevator etiquette, shall we?

While staying at the Ritz in DC with my Mother, I had the pleasure of observing the atrocious manners of some, and the immaculate manners of others (se la vie).  One day in particular comes to mind.  My mother has had both of her hips replaced and although she is amazing and resilient, she can only do so much, go so fast, and still must use a cane to walk (it's only been three months).  We were waiting by the four (yes four) elevators that led to our rooms and she and I were the only ones waiting.  Very abruptly, a family came racing to the elevators (two parents, two children maybe 13 and 10).  The button had already been pressed, so we all stood there waiting for the elevator to open.  When the elevator door just behind the family opened,  they quickly shuffled in and did not bother to move to the back therefore leaving no room for my mother.  I stared at the father until the door began to close, and as it did, he looked right at me.  He  must have been unconscious to not recognize that 1. there was a handicapped woman standing there before him; 2. that he didn't make room for her; and 3. that he made no apologies.  I was outraged!  I don't become outraged very often, but this was my mother we're talking about.  She patiently stood there until another elevator opened, by which time another gentleman (yes, a gentleman) let us into the elevator first.  I complimented him on his graciousness and good manners. My faith in humanity was restored.  

Coming down from our room we got into the elevator with a lovely young couple.  I didn't have the pleasure of being introduced to his wife, but his name was Tony.  As we stepped in, we made small talk, and as the elevator stopped, Tony let my mother and I exit first- Thank you thank you!  We had just about had it with elevator drama on our trip and Tony and his wife came to the rescue.  I actually embarrassed myself by running after him to give him my card and told him I'd be writing about this, and so I have. 

My sweet sister-in-law-to-be was apologizing for people in her town and their lack of manners as she witnessed some of the same etiquette breaches that I did over the weekend; but this was not a commentary on her town (which was lovely as was her family);  It is a commentary on our society "me first, all about me, fabulous me" but what about others?  What about opening a door just because?  What about a smile just to smile?  What about lowering your voice as you use obscenities to describe something? What happened to caring about those around us as much as we care about ourselves?  I have faith that humanity is good, alive and well; just not thriving in some places as much as others.  As my travels have taken me different places, I have found that each place has a distinct feel.  This place had the feeling of busyness in one’s own life  (I’m too busy with myself to let a handicapped person on the elevator first).   Although I know that many people in the hotel were visiting from various locations, I saw things in local stores and other local public places that led me to this judgement.

 I must say that the staff at the Ritz was everything it is supposed to be-gracious, caring, attentive, polite, and generous.  I want to thank them for helping to make our trip a memorable one.  I also want to thank everyone with whom we had the opportunity to interact-whether they made it pleasant for us or gave me material to write about.

Southern charm

I'm blogging today from the DFW airport as I wait for my flight. It's my turn to give an award.
I have never seen paralleled manners to this city. I have encountered families and certainly people with impecable manners but an entire city? I was coming to the airport early this morning (about 4:50am CST) and everyone from the front desk clerks at the hotel to the taxi driver...to the airport security...who helped me place my laptop back in it's protective sleeve-who takes the time to help someone else at the airport these days, it's kill or be killed it seems. I have thuroughly enjoyed my time here and would highly recommend this city to travelers. I most recently purchased a few items for my family and my hands were pretty full but it was manageable; I had the items and the sales clerk lept from her space to help me with my items. She is from Africa and obviously was taught well from a very young age. She talked about her family and her father and his business with people a little bit, but I complimented her on her awareness and manners and she just lit up like a flashlight. Go make someone's day!

Oh, and...they have free internet stations for your use...who does that? I'm truly impressed Dallas, I'll be back!

Have a nice day

Traveling this past weekend was such an eye opening experience. There were a few things that I noticed that I thought worth mentioning. As I was at the airport, I was buying a few things in the gift shop and the sales clerk said, "have a nice day" after we had exchanged some small pleasantries, and I looked her right in the eye and said, "you have a wonderful day too". She was shocked. She said that she hears "you too" and that sort of thing in all kinds of tones, but how often do we think of how we respond to others who are serving us. Make eye contact, be sincere, and think about their day...truly be sincere about what you're saying, and see what a difference it makes to them, and to you.
The other thing I thought about while traveling: I had purposely avoided watching the news story about the plane going down in the Hudson because I didn't want to know, the night before we flew out. Once at my destination, I listened to my wise mother talk about all the amazing things that this pilot did to save these people and the precision and forethought it took, not to mention bravery, to carry out all those tasks. I don't normally talk about current events on this blog, but this exceptional event of courage and heroism is worth talking about. My mother was talking about how much the flight attendants do need our attention when we're sitting in our seats "listening" to them. We also should take very seriously sitting in the exit row and when a verbal confirmation is asked for when sitting in the exit row, give it solemnly and understand that you may be partially responsible for helping your fellow passengers to exit the plane safely.

I believe this ties beautifully into etiquette because it's about others. When dealing with retailers it's about thinking about their day, not just yours. When we're talking about flight attendants and airline travel, it's about courtesy in listening and accepting responsibility. I saw one man last night on his phone while the instructions were being explained to him (no doubt he's well traveled) and he felt that sitting in an exit row wasn't a big deal and he didn't need to listen and didn't need to verbally commit to the flight attendant. She asked him to get off his phone (which he did after several minutes) and accepted his responsibility. I want people who care about others helping me off the plane, how about you. Take care of each other with bravery, selflessness, and kindness.

The Green Lantern

I had a request to talk a little about bed and breakfast etiquette. Our favorite location to frequent is Carmel, CA (for all who have listened to my ravings about Carmel, I apologize). It's special to my heart, I did part of my growing up there...thank you Mom and Dad for our home on the sea, what beautiful memories; my brother was just recently engaged there.

We always stay at the same B&B. The Green Lantern Inn has been there since 1927 and it's so charming (so is the entire town). It's where my parents spent their honeymoon, and where they stayed until they bought a vacation home there.

I will never forget staying there one year; we were there for a week and stayed in the same room we always do. I was awakened in the middle of the night to sounds that I should have never heard and did not wish to hear, obviously. Needless to say, this would be my first rule:

• Remember you're not the only ones there. While it's wonderful to be away and enjoy the company of your significant other, there are other guests staying there for the same (and other) reasons. As always, be considerate of others. You can still enjoy time together while remembering that you're not on an island for two.
• Leisurely morning walks and sitting on our little patio...what fond memories, and two things I love to do while I'm there. I also love the food. Remember that if you're eating breakfast in the main dining area, you should be dressed. I'm not suggesting that you come into the dining area coiffed and ready to go at 7am, but pajamas are better for your room. If you want to remain in your "comfies", have your honey get breakfast and meet you in the room; most B&B's have trays, and if you can't see them, don't hesitate to ask.
• Tipping: this is different than staying in a hotel because most "innkeepers" are also the owners. Often times they are the ones making up your rooms. It would be insulting to leave money on the bed or in an envelope for them for cleaning; but it's never considered bad taste to write a lovely thank you note, send flowers or a nice basket if you loved your stay...my top 10 hostess gifts might be appropriate. Ask your innkeeper who is tending to your room so that you can make an informed decision.

I'm sure there are many more things to add to this, but in my opinion, these things are crucial to remember so that you can enjoy your stay and, at the same time, help others feel comfortable.

As long as I'm reminiscing about Carmel, these are a few of my favorites: Patisserie Boisseire (I've mentioned them before-without name- they don't allow cell phones), Highlands Inn (Pacific's Edge restaurant), Jonathan Lee (we loved you and still listen to the beautiful music all the time-I'm playing his music today), clam chowder at Flahertys, Masterpiece gallery, Carmel Bakery, Katy's Place, The Spa at Pebble Beach, Thom Gregg Jewelers (our family jeweler for 25 years, we love you!), and I have to say, I do love the new Tiffany & Co on Ocean, even if it is a little bit of the outside world creeping in! I could go on forever, but these links should help you fall in love with Carmel, and then you can go experience it for yourself...but not in the Summer!

Fancy Fridays

Legend has it, the word "tip" itself came years ago from a pub owner who used the acronym on a box "To Insure Promptness." In that spirit, tipping should be thought of first and foremost as a reward for prompt and attentive service.

Tips for tipping!

Time Your Tipping
Depending on the timing, tipping can be a reward for good service rendered, or a subtle bribe. If you are using the service of one person repeatedly throughout your trip (say, a doorman) feel free to tip all at once at the end of your stay. If, however, you would like to ensure special service throughout your stay (say, from the concierge), a larger tip up front is a good idea. Tipping etiquette says either is acceptable.

Keep Bills Handy For Tipping
Keep several one dollar bills handy in an accessible pocket. You don't want to be digging for them when you're juggling luggage. Keep the bills neatly folded in groups of one or two bills.

Don't Ask For Change
According to tipping etiquette, it creates a very awkward situation to ask for change from the person you are tipping. If for some reason you don't have a tip ready, it's better to skip it, particularly if you can get change from somewhere else and return with your tip at some point in the future.

Know Your Tipping Tendencies
Be aware of your own unconcious tipping tendencies. Studies show women tend to tip men more generously (and men tip women better). Tipping goes up universally when the weather is good, lower when it is not. Attractive women earn higher tips, as do attentive men who don't make mistakes.

Know the Tipping Policy
Increasingly, higher-end hotels are instituting "no tipping policies" that incude gratuities in the price of the room. Some, particularly resorts, are charging a daily fee that covers all gratuities. However, if you sign up for outside excursions or tours (even those that don't cost extra), chances are the drivers and/or the tour guides will expect tips. Ask when you book.

Bed and Breakfast Tipping Etiquette
In general, tipping etiquette dictates that business owners are not given tips. Most B&Bs fall under that category, and indeed, most have "no tipping" policies in place. If you are in doubt, ask about their tipping policy when you book your room. (If the housekeeping staff is not part of the family, do tip them as you would in a hotel.)

Airplane Etiquette 101

Here are some basic things that always apply while traveling on a plane:

1. If you have an aisle seat, keep your elbow or knee from extending into the aisle; this is a good way to preserve your extremities as well as give everyone else some room.
2. If the person on the aisle is sleeping and you need to get out of your seat, softly say, "excuse me" and tap them if necessary. It's perfectly fine to wake them, just do it gently.
3. Be understanding if the person next to you needs to repeatedly use the restroom; they may have a medical problem that means frequent trips. You might consider switching seats for both your comfort.
4. Keep any work or other materials from extending into the seats next to you.
5. Don't snoop
6. Keep noise to a minimum, whether talking to someone or reading a book to a child. Being heard on an airplane does require raising your voice, but you needn't shout. If your child is playing a video or computer game, keep the volume on low or bring headphones.
7. Don't stay too long in the restroom. The full makeover can wait until you land. Always make sure you leave the restroom clean; wiped down, trash thrown away.
8. Try not to block the view of people watching the movie. If you need something from the overhead bin, grab it quickly.
9. If you have a bulkhead seat, don't put your feet on the wall, even though it's carpeted, it's not a floor.
   

Better late than monday!

Today was a busy day and I'm a little later than usual in writing, I apologize for that. Knowing that I was going to post today made me a little more observant yesterday as I flew. Here are some things that I think we should consider:

• We should all try to get to our seats quickly, and be respectful of the fact that there is usually a line behind us of people also trying to get to their seats.
• I am a very social person, but when someone is reading or sleeping, the conversation should end; don't try to continue to carry on a conversation if the other person is clearly not interested.
• It's just fine to make small conversation but you don't want to monopolize their whole flight; take cues, be observant.
• If you have a cough or cold, or just swallow something wrong but are continuously coughing, excuse yourself to the restroom if you are able; if you cannot get up from your seat, use your elbow (crook of elbow) to cover your mouth...please!!

I think the biggest thing that I noticed yesterday is what a hurry most people are in to get their baggage. Try to look around and see if someone is behind you (if you are right by the baggage carousel) and make room...there's no fire and your bags aren't going anywhere. I do understand that people have appointments, meetings, anxious family...but as I tried to retrieve my bag yesterday, people simply would not scoot over for ten seconds so I could get my bag...that, in my opinion, is just uncalled for. Again, be observant and think of others! Have a great weekend!

Where are my headphones?

I am getting ready to travel this morning and I was thinking about airplane manners (etiquette). I'm going to do some thinking about this topic as I travel today and see what I can come up with. What are your thoughts on people talking to you while sitting next to you on the plane? What about security lines and people who are rude in line, flight attendants and their manners, who has a story to share, whether negative or positive...I'm interested. I'll be using my "fancy Friday" post to share what I've learned...

Back on that soap box again: It's so funny because I get a ton of emails asking questions and making comments, but no one, or hardly anyone, I should say, leaves comments in the "comments" section. This blog is meant to be anything but intimidating, we are all learning, most of all me; and if you really are concerned, leave it as an anonymous comment. I love the emails but would never violate anyone's privacy by posting those emails as specific comments....so keep the comments and questions coming!