Fancy Friday: Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah?

Every year it becomes more and more complicated to wish someone glad tidings during this time of celebration for many cultures.  

I believe we must be sensitive to other's beliefs, however,  December 25th is Christmas for me and my family: a day to commemorate the birth of what Christians believe (as do I- being a Christian) was the day of Christ's birth on this earth; Christ being my Lord and Savior. 

Hanukkah is observed for eight nights and days, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, which may occur at any time from late November to late December in the Gregorian calendar.  the Menorah has many symbolic meanings to the Jewish culture that are beautiful and spiritual.

Kwanzaa is a week-long celebration held in the United States (and more recently, Canada). The celebration honors African heritage in African-American culture, and is observed from December 26 to January 1, culminating in a feast and gift-giving.  Much more is said about Kwanzaa here that is profound and meaningful.  

My point in writing this post is to point out that we too easily get offended when one person says to another (perhaps of different beliefs) Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays.  I do not wish to take CHRIST out of Christmas, the very opposite.  This is a time for my family that is very sacred to me, that I love and cherish every year.  

I do realize (for all of you out there reading my blog) that this is an etiquette and manners blog, which is precisely why I am writing it.  I think Emily Post herself would roll over in her grave.  At no such time was there a belief that having good manners meant rolling over and playing dead so someone could walk all over us.  I certainly am tired of doing that and refuse to allow it any further in my life.  Call a spade a spade and lets keep it moving!

The fact that the White House called the Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees" this year is insulting.  The very symbolism of the tree is for Christmas.  Have A Menorah, symbols for Kwanzaa, different symbols for different cultures, but why call them Holiday trees when they are clearly Christmas trees?  Does someone think they are not offending anyone by calling them holiday trees?  I'm sad.  The green nature of the tree represents evergreen- everlasting life- Christ.  Missing the point? 

I simply wonder if we must be so politically correct all the time?  Yes, we do need to help others feel comfortable.  But the other day I was speaking with my husband about a specific ethnic group of people and I couldn't even remember what the newest PC name was to refer to them by.  

We did we become such and offended culture?  One where perhaps when we are in the wrong, we seek fault in another to help ourselves feel better.  My hubs was telling me about a HS basketball game the other day where a team beat another by some extraordinary number (107-2) and people were angry with the winning team for poor sportsmanship. 

We are in an age of entitlement.  I found it, I keep it.  You deserved it.  It's all about me.  I deserve a trophy for showing up.  

I believe this sense of entitlement not only contributes to the moral decay of our society, but prevents people from learning how to treat others kindly, have good manners, and just plain be good members of society.  

Please, during this time of year...no matter what you do or don't believe in; there is a special feeling in the air.  Take time to reflect upon your actions, not the actions of others, and see how you can improve. Respect others and don't worry about being offended so much.  Be proud of what you believe in.  

I find it so sad that we live in a world where someone takes offense in how we greet them during this time of year.  Find joy in the fact that they have beliefs wish them well.  Faith is a blessing, not a curse.

Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Be kind, be charitable, be sincere.

My two cents.

Tips for a Happy Turkey Day

We are all busy today either making dishes, traveling, or spending time with loved ones.  It's a time to be grateful for what we have.  In reflecting upon the things we do have, we can also be aware of how we can make those around us the happiest and be as considerate as possible during this busy holiday season.

-consider your dress.  If you are attending someone's home, step it up a notch, it shows respect for your host letting them know that you appreciate all the effort they went to on your behalf.

-Say thanks.  Of course we will all say this during the meal, after, many times perhaps.  But remembering to write a note, a text (if you must-at the least) or a phone call after the fact to let them know how much you appreciate all the work they went to, is so appreciated and thoughtful.

-Be punctual.  Arrive and leave on time.  When your host tells you the time to arrive, pay attention and respect it.  There is a reason they have told you that time and it shows respect to be punctual.  We all run into traffic, snags with family, work, etc.  But if you do, call to let them know you are running behind and that you will be there shortly.  Know when it's time to leave.  If you are staying at your hosts home, agree ahead of time when you will be leaving and don't overstay your welcome, no matter how badly your host begs...there's always next time.  It's better to be wanted than to overstay your welcome.

-Avoid awkward and painful topics- especially in families.  This isn't family therapy.  It's not the time to talk about how you wish mom hadn't worked when you were little.  It's a time to talk about what you're grateful for and leave your problems at the door with your coat.  Pick another time to talk about things that are heavy, group gatherings are not the time.

-Offer to help clean up.  Most of the time the host has gone to a lot of work to prepare; cleaning, cooking, etc.  Offer to pitch in and do some dishes.  Roll up your sleeves and dig in.

FOR THE HOST:

-Assign tasks.  Don't be afraid to ask people to bring something.  Or if you are cooking the meal yourself, have your guests help with taking coats, setting the table, lighting candles, last minute details.

-Leave distractions in your room or office.  This is not the time to text or have the game on.  Turn off the TV and FB.  Be the gracious host I know you can be and enjoy the guests you have invited over, sit down, be engaging, ask more questions and listen more than you talk.

-Be aware and flexible.  If you are inviting a larger group of people and someone says, "I would come but Jim is spending the holiday alone."- say, "well bring him with you!"  Be gracious, it never hurts to invite one more, but you will always regret not doing so.

-Say thank you.  Your guests if you look around, are your loved ones.  Thank them for taking the time and effort to come and share time with you and loving you.  Always thank them.

-Have a flexible menu.  You may have gluten free requests, people who want to bring things even when you have the entire menu planned.  Be prepared to allow for those things and don't be so stringent.  Accept all offers for special diet accommodations.


Above all the holidays are a time to celebrate, to forgive, to come together.  I personally am not one who likes to hold grudges, have arguments that I cannot resolve, or problems that I cannot fix.  I love the feeling of peace and joy that the holiday season brings knowing that I can come together with as many loved ones who will have me and celebrate all that we have to be grateful for.

I hope that this holiday season brings all of you the same peace and joy and I look forward to bringing you some more fun tidbits here and there as the months continue.

My two cents.

Tips on holiday tipping

As a follow up to my recent five minutes on 6AM TV (bright-eyed and bushy-tailed), I thought I would jot down some specifics for those interested in finding one place for the appropriate amounts to tip those in the service industry whose services we use throughout the year.  I had a newscaster call me yesterday and we did a story on it in Dallas yesterday afternoon, that was fun.  I think it's something that people do forget about and I'm happy to remind them.  

Whether and how much you tip widely varies, depending on the quality and frequency of the service, where you live,  (amounts are usually higher in large cities, and your budget.  If you’ve regularly tipped at the time of service, either forgo a holiday tip, or cut back on the amount.  Try to get your child’s input when deciding on any gifts for teachers, day care providers, nannies, and babysitters.

Every situation is different so let common sense, specific circumstances, and holiday spirit be your guides.  This tip amounts might be helpful:

Nanny

A gift from your family (or one week’s pay), plus a card from your child/children

Babysitter, regular

One evening’s pay, plus a small gift from your child

Barber

Cost of one haircut and possibly a small gift

Beauty salon staff

10-60$ each, giving most to those who give most to you, and possibly a small gift.

Child’s teacher

Gift, NOT Cash or check- school policy.  Ideas:  Classroom supplies such as books, sanitizer, tissue, picture frame, fruit basket, gourmet basket, slippers, cozy blanket, joint gift with other moms, a food item purchased by a group.

Day-care providers

25-70$ each, plus a small gift from your child; of only one or two providers, consider higher-range amount

Dog walker/Pet Sitter

One weeks pay

Personal Fitness trainer

Cost of one session and possibly a holiday card thanking them for hard work

Garage attendants

10-30$ each, to be distributed by my manager 

Housekeeper

One days pay

Letter carriers

US Government regulations permit carriers to accept gifts worth up to 20$ each, but a basket of fruit or candy, and nuts, are appropriate too.  You could also write a kind letter to their supervisor telling them how your carrier goes out of their way to ensure your packages safe arrival.

Massage Therapist

One session’s fee

Newspaper delivery

10-30$

Private Nurse 

Gift, not cash (too personal of a job)

Nursing home employees

Gift, not cash (see above)

Package deliverer

Small gift if you receive deliveries regularly; most delivery companies prohibits other.    

Pool cleaner

Cost of cleaning the pool

Doorman

10-80

Elevator man

15-40

Handy Man

15-40

Superintendent

20-80

Trash/recycling

10-20/each for private service (a gift is also appropriate- candy, nuts, popcorn)

Yard worker/gardener

20-50

If you can't afford to tip these people, just remember, it's not all about the money for them, or rest assured, they wouldn't be in any of these professions (for the most part).  They enjoy serving you, seeing your hair transform, opening the door and making you smile when they ask how your day was, helping work out the kinks in your neck- so a card, at the very least, with a personal message written of thanks and gratitude for them this time of year is also very much appreciated (I've done my research in the field and asked).  Just don't forget to remember them.  

My two cents!

Holiday courtesies

With some holidays behind us and other fast approaching, I thought I'd talk about some things we all might want to consider during this busy time of year that might help things go a little more smoothly during work parties, social gatherings, and that one family party (you know the one I mean).  Here is my first segment which is more introspective:


- Always have an attitude of gratitude.  If we walk into a situation feeling negative, it not only impacts us, but leeks onto those around us.  Think of things to be grateful for this time of year and carry those things with you, even if you have write them down and keep them in your pocket,  a grateful attitude will affect how you treat others in the market, at parties, and in your everyday work and home life.

-A smile never hurt anyone.  I was in the market the other day and caught someone's eye. I gave them a smile and she lit right up and smiled back.  I have no idea what her day was like before or after that, but it made me feel good to genuinely share my happiness with someone else.

-There's no room for being a Bah Humbug!  On that same market trip, I walked up to get in a line to purchase my two, yes, two items, and I heard someone yelling.  I didn't pay attention at first until he said, HEY LADY, THERE'S A LINE!"  I turned around and apologized profusely but it was too late, he was scowling and angry with me, muttering bad words under his breath.  He quickly went ahead of me to put his basket full of groceries on the belt (it's one of those new line things where you all branch off so I couldn't tell there was a line).  My husband grabbed me tight and assured me I had done nothing wrong as did a sweet lady next to me who commented "he doesn't have much to be grateful for" (See suggestion 1) and I was OK until I left the store (at which point my kids informed me that at home my five y.o. had pulled down our completely decorated 10 foot tree (but no one was harmed, just the tree and the ornaments)- I lost it a little bit and cried quietly on the way home.  My point is, you never know how you may affect others.  Being in a hurry is no excuse to be rude.  We all have days where we wish the person in front of us would go a little faster or let us go ahead, but five minutes hasn't killed me yet (although being about 10 seconds late the other day did save my life...another story for another day).

*Remember also when slowing down (or thinking about not slowing down for the pedestrian) that it's winter (here at least) and it's really cold- it isn't really that difficult to sit in your nice warm car for 2 extra minutes while letting another person pass by your car to enter a store or cross the street in the freezing cold?

My two cents!

Happy Independence Day

I cannot promise with summer and four little ones keeping me on my toes that I will be posting on my one year "anniversary" (which is on the 10th of July) but I am going to try. I would, however, like to wish my fellow Americans a Happy Independence day. I say Americans only because I know I have readers all over the world whom I very much love and I hope to continue to learn more about your holidays and traditions that I might be able to celebrate them as well.

Today's post is simple. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! I have made past 4th of July holidays so busy that by the time it's over, I'm so exhausted, I can't even remember if I had fun. I'm to the point in my life where I do still love to entertain, but I have limits on how far I'm willing to take that. For example, my crowd will be just as happy with chicken and burgers as they would be with filet mignon rubbed with a homemade rub and homegrown potatoes slow roasted with homegrown herbs. I laugh as I write that because we do have an extensive garden thanks to my husband so some of those things happen anyway, but only out of convenience, I promise!

I have a post I did a while ago for Fancy Friday (ahhh, I miss Fancy Friday...let me get my kids back in school, we'll get there again, I promise)- on Flag etiquette. Maybe you'll learn something new, I know I did.

Have a fabulous weekend and remember to take time to enjoy!

New Year's Party

Here are a few tips for any party, but I think with the ensuing new years festivities, we could all use a little reminder/refresher course on our party etiquette.

Greet guests at the door.
Be cheerful and pleasant at all times.
Introduce everybody to each other.
Keep the food and drinks coming.
Keep circulating making sure everyone is engaged.
Have at least one planned activity.
If children are coming, have kid friendly food and an activity planned.
Pay attention to your guests needs.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip ten

Don't start decorating for the holidays until after Thanksgiving. Once Santa has passed by in the Macy's parade, you're good to go. Earlier than that, and it may seem as if you never bothered to take anything down from last year! This tip will be helpful for the upcoming year when I want to start listening to Christmas music in July (just kidding). Its true though, as much as Christmas is a wonderful holiday, we really as Americans need to give Thanksgiving the respect it deserves. I have, however, seen "Halloween" and "Thanksgiving" trees...whatever floats your boat. This year I did actually put up my decorations two days before Thanksgiving because we were leaving the state and would be gone for over a week and I knew I'd be coming home to holiday madness. My point is that there are always extenuating circumstances!

Merry Christmas to you all, have a wonderful holiday!

Janine

Naughty or nice etiquette tip nine

There's no obligation to send holiday cards at all. Too stressed? Forgo the tradition this season, but vow to get in touch at another time of year: Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, first week of fall, etc. You'll have more time for writing cards and hopefully won't view it as such a chore.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip eight

When you receive a holiday card from someone you didn't send one to, reciprocation is optional, although thoughtful. Send if you wish. But beware of turning the exchange of holiday cards into a table tennis match. Say a card arrives from your cousin Bonnie on the second day of Christmas, and oops, you'd accidentally forgotten her. Instead of thwacking a card back across the Web — which may seem perfunctory rather than sincere — wait a few weeks and write her a letter. Or, call Bonnie to thank her for such a thoughtful note. In fact, there's no obligation to send holiday cards at all. Too stressed? Forgo the tradition this season, but vow to get in touch at another time of year: Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, first week of fall, etc. You'll have more time for writing cards and hopefully won't view it as such a chore.

It's funny, I love getting holiday cards out, and all eighty-something are still sitting on my kitchen desk simply waiting for stamps now. you'd think I'd be ale to enlist some little hands for help! Better later than never, right?

Naughty or nice etiquette tip seven

If you're creating a holiday "newsletter" to send with cards, keep your readers in mind. Newsletters should be short (a page or less) and sweet. Keep them upbeat — most people don't want to hear about your dental surgery. On the other hand, avoid turning your letter into a brag sheet. Saying, "Sam and I were lucky enough to visit Europe — at long last!" is low-key and friendly. But "Sam and I spent a week at a deluxe French spa and were utterly pampered" screams "Don't you wish you were us?" Personalize each copy with a handwritten salutation and always sign your name. Also, be sure you're sending the newsletter only to people who are genuinely interested in your family news. Try a "top 10 reasons we're grateful" letter or a funny poem about silly things you've all said this past year...like I said, keep it light and keep your readers in mind...remember, do unto others, right?

A quick insert with your Christmas card with a blog address (if you have one) is a great way to allow people to keep up with your happenings without making them feel obligated to read the letter you've sent them. I apologize if our letters were every boring or overly informative...the blog will hopefully take care of that!

Naughty or nice etiquette tip six

Re-gift rarely...if ever. You have a surplus of "stuff," and it seems like the best way to downsize is to pass things on to other people. Makes sense. Problem is, if the truth emerges, two loved ones will feel hurt — the original giver (because you obviously didn't value her choice) and the recipient (who thought you'd take the time to find something special just for her). The basic guidelines for re-gifting: First, you must be positive that the gift is something the recipient would love. Second, the item must be brand new and in its original package. And third, it shouldn't be something the original giver took great care to select just for you.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip five

When you receive horrible, wrong-size or duplicate gifts, smile, say something polite, extend a thank-you...let's say its a "collectors" plate of Yosemite (not that it's a bad thing for all people, that may be your thing)! You can probably come up with something appreciative to say: "This is so thoughtful! You know how much I love the outdoors." But being gracious about a gift doesn't mean you always have to keep it. Yes, if the item is one of a kind or homemade — like a painting or a knitted scarf — you need to keep it. Otherwise, you can take the item back to the store and exchange it for something else. And when your friend asks how you like your new hand blender? Don't lie. Say, "I love those so much, I already owned one — so I didn't think you'd mind if I exchanged it for a food mill. Thanks for making my life in the kitchen so much easier, that was so thoughtful of you!"

It's so much easier to be polite and honest than to lie and then sneakily do something behind their back. When you're the one who's given the gift that the other person returns or doesn't want, make sure you don't take it personally. Also, remember it's the thought that counts. If you put a lot of thought into your gifts for individuals and families, you'll be able to find something that is meaningful and useful. Good luck, it's always a sticky thing isn't it?

Naughty or nice etiquette tip four

I feel that I've slightly been neglecting my readers and I apologize. That is why I'm breaking my rule and posting on the weekend. I have been so busy with some other things that I literally have not had the time to post...but I'm learning how to do that from my phone...coming soon to a blog near you!

On to the tip! If gift giving with your relatives is getting too expensive, it's okay to scale back — as long as you discuss it with them well in advance. Ending gift escalation is not as hard as you think, if you're willing to be frank. Months before the holidays, bring up the idea of alternative giving schemes. Some options: drawing names, limiting presents to a specific dollar amount, giving gifts only to kids and not to adults. Others will probably be grateful that you were brave enough to start the discussion.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip three

3. When Aunt Irma, feeling inventive, brings her cucumber-banana gelatin mold to Christmas dinner, accept graciously (no eye rolling, please). A good host responds to an unexpected — and perhaps unwelcome — contribution with aplomb. Thank your aunt and serve her creation with your spread. You might think cucumber and banana is a disgusting combination — but now's not the time to tell her so, and you'd hurt her feelings if you failed to offer it to your guests.

The great thing about a large holiday dinner is that there is only so much room on your plate and everything is passed around, we all take turns serving ourselves each dish. If an unexpected dish shows up that you are not pleased with, you can always serve "buffet" style and allow your guests to stand and serve themselves whatever they like.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip two

2. If a guest gets drunk at your home, stop serving him alcohol and see that he gets home safely. Refusing to pour more liquor for an inebriated guest may be awkward, but it's necessary. Tell the person in private why you're cutting him off. Then ask another guest to take him home. If no one is able to give him a ride, call a cab for him (and pay for it if need be). Or, simply provide him with a bed for the night. Never, never, never let a guest drive away intoxicated. Sure, he may be embarrassed or insulted at the moment, but at least he'll be alive in the morning.

Naughty or nice etiquette top ten

I'm going to post one of the ten tips every few days. These are straight from Peggy Post (Emily Post's daughter and a foremost authority on etiquette), I hope you enjoy and hopefully don't see yourself too much in these situations.

1. Don't invite both members of a divorced or separated couple to a holiday gathering — unless you know they're on good terms. Most people who split up prefer not to see each other, at least initially. Bringing the two together could make them — and possibly others — uncomfortable. Instead, plan to see them separately over the holidays. That will be more time-consuming, but it'll be worth the effort if you want to stay friends with both parties.

This can also be true of blended families that do better...not so blended. It is wonderful to celebrate the holidays with family, but you can either spread your time among the families, or simply state that it will be an "immediate" family gathering (meaning spouse or significant other and your children if you have them), that takes the pressure off of you in trying to create a harmony that you are not necessarily responsible for.