Chauvinistic or Chivalrous

Chivalry is not dead!

I came across a great article that embodies what I speak to youth about and what my blog is all about; helping others feel more comfortable.  This article speaks to 8 acts of Chivalry that should be brought back and that it's not about the inability of women to perform these tasks on their own, but out of respect and consideration for someone other than one's self.  

I hope you enjoy this article as much as I did.  As a wife, mama, chauffeur, cook, and all the other titles that come along with my identity, I appreciate this from a man's perspective who is trying to show true respect to women.  I'm not less than, never thought I was, and I always knew I wanted to marry a man who agreed with that and I know that my husband would not only do these things for me (does do them), but will do these things for other women.  I only hope I can raise a son who is just as considerate as his father.

http://jamesmsama.com/2014/02/01/8-acts-of-chivalry-to-bring-back/

Here's another article written in the DailyMail about women accepting men's help.  89% of women say they wouldn't accept a mans help:

Women are suspicious of kind men who open doors for them or offer a coat on a cold day because of a decline in good manners, research has suggested.

Traditional acts of chivalry once thought to be polite and noble are frowned upon in the 21st century because they are so rare.

That means the 'knight in shining armour' persona is an unwanted fantasy now that women strive to be strong and independent.

Style gurus claim 'standards have slipped' in the way men conduct themselves so women are 'suspicious' of gestures once thought to be polite or kind.

A survey said 82 per cent of women preferred to pay for their dinner on a first date and 52 per cent claimed they would happily pay the entire bill.

Men who think women are lumbering heavy shopping bags around should think twice before running to their assistance, because 89 per cent would not accept an offer to help.

And the scene of a considerate lover throwing his coat over the shoulders of a wife or girlfriend seems to be just for Hollywood rom-coms only - a massive 78 per cent said they would not accept the gesture even on a cold day.

Mark Hall, of Socked.co.uk, an online style guide offering tips on etiquette, said: 'Men's standards have slipped so far over recent years.

'Any offer of chivalry from a gentleman knocks a woman off their guard and is viewed with outright suspicion.

'Does an offer of goodwill have to be taken the wrong way?

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2262609/Chivalrous-acts-thought-polite-noble-make-women-suspicious-rare-study-suggests.html#ixzz2ud51Y8V6

We have to be smart ladies.  I carry defense with me at all times and I'm aware of my surroundings, but taking a seat offered to you on a crowded shuttle or allowing a man to open a door for you, who does that hurt?  I believe it only demeans us as women if we feel inferior in the first place or that we have something to prove.  I personally don't and appreciate that there are still gentlemen out there.

What do I mean?

My Madelyn woke up this morning and stated that snow hated her and that it was meant for January, not MAY!  She very emphatically stated that she was ready for Summer; she's not alone in that sentiment.

Like one of my followers (and friends) said this morning, "It's May, time for @thepinkteapot to blog..."

I appreciate being missed.  I didn't realize it had been a month since I last posted, but it's been a crazy month with Spring break, family issues, and just LIFE.  

I am excited for the warm weather, for the pool to be opened (hopefully this week...sans snow), and for the kids to be out of school (although I don't know that I am as excited as they are).  

My next segment for KSL has to do with Summer and family.  I am curious and will be asking for input on my FB fan page.

I am dancing around a subject here, actually running away from it.  I find this blog to be cathartic in many ways and feel that this is a venue where I may share whatever I deem appropriate.  

I will not go into details for privacy's sake...but suffice it to say that I had a health scare with someone close to me.  My initial reaction (before going to be by their side in another state) was to post something simple on FB asking for prayers.  I believe in the power of prayer. 

Five minutes later I got a call from someone else close to this person (but with no greater say in caring for or nurturing this person) telling me to take down the post, it was too private and/or too soon to say anything.  I respect and love this person and did what was asked.  After, not very long after, I consulted my wise husband.  He told me that in this case, prayers and a general note was in order (and he's never on FB and is very private).  I felt the same way; power in numbers.  Blessings came from that five minutes and I believe this loved one was helped and blessed in part due to my gift of over-sharing. 

The part I resented was being told what I could and could not post on FB that directly affects my life.  Other people's business is other people's business- but this was mine.  I ended up asking the loved one who was ill if they had a problem with my post; they did not at all and appreciated the effort.

 Instead of being angry that perhaps some micromanaging had taken place (and some dominion that was unnecessary and inappropriate), I had allowed it.  

I shortly after that chose to assert myself and let that person know how I felt about things like that in general.  In this particular case, my FB rule still applies: if you wouldn't tell it to an acquaintance, don't tell it on FB.  This is something I would tell an acquaintance, and have, and since I'm the etiquette blogger (although not an expert)- I might know what I'm talking about sometimes.  I still have the right to be my own person and make my own decisions as an adult and be treated with respect.

Taking down that post was frustrating and I felt belittled and scolded.  I chose to feel that way.  No one can make me feel inferior without my consent; and I gave it.

In the end, I will remember to stand up for what I believe is right, regardless of what others may say or do; that's integrity and courage.  It's important to remind ourselves that we have those qualities or the potential to develop them as we strive to stand our ground.  We need not be aggressive, but being assertive is the right thing to do.  I have enough passive agressive people in my life...I won't be another one.

Are you LDS?

I was on Studio 5 this morning (I will link to the video when it becomes available) but was fascinated not only by the conversation that took place but by the comments afterward on Studio 5's Facebook page.  I was shocked to see how strongly people reacted for or against even talking about this, people saying "get over it", things like that.  

I wonder, if we don't care, why say anything at all?  The only topics I've ever commented on have been ones that I've actually had an opinion about.  The fact that there are comments means that it's something people feel differently about and have differing opinions on.  

My article for this segment was as follows:

Don't Assume:

Just because people live in Utah (or even in a city that is overwhelmingly LDS, don't assume the people you are speaking to are as well.

Don't be afraid:

Ask. Don't make it the first question that you ask after their name or an application they have to fill out to be a part of your life, but at some point in a conversation with someone new, ask them either if they are LDS or if they belong to an organized religion. If it doesn't come up in conversation, go back to rule #1.

Be careful with your words:

Most people have no idea what Mutual is, what a Ward is, or who a Stake President is, let alone all the other terms that may be unique to our religion. Be careful when speaking to people who are not of your faith that you don't use these words without explanation. I do believe this is a part of culture, not just a one day religion, so these words may naturally come up, but don't assume that the other person will know what you mean- so take the time to briefly explain- you might even have them respond with, "I know, I'm LDS" or " I know, I have Mormon friends" thus breaking the ice.

Be respectful and kind:

If the point of manners is to help those around us feel comfortable, then we must do all we can to make that happen. We should never pre-judge a person because they are or are not LDS. My children have friends who are LDS and friends who are not. They have good friends- period. Their friends have good families. Be careful not to exclude on the basis that someone believes different things than you do, whahetever side of the fence you may be on.

I don't think this applies to "Mormons" in Utah only.  This always applies.  I have found myself in as many situations traveling and outside of Utah using this advice as I have in this state (maybe more, in fact).  I find it so interesting that for a dull subject, or one that doesn't need to be spoken about, people have such strong words to share.  

I have never backed down from a conversation where my faith is questioned (in a hostile or a friendly manner), but misconceptions are the biggest enemy and if people don't think they are rampant...they need to open their eyes.  

I'm an open book.  Always have been, always will be.  But I don't believe in shoving my religion or beliefs down others throats.  I also don't believe in tip toeing around things.  I say things pretty much how they are (I say "pretty much" because I may choose a time that is appropriate or gage the temperature of my surroundings, but I think that's good manners no matter who you are or what you're talking about).  

Thank you Brooke, Darin, and Jane (and Chrissy) for allowing me the opportunity to speak my mind.  I have an opinion just like everyone else.  I am entitled to that.  The only thing that makes mine unique is that I come from the perspective of trying to help others feel comfortable in my presence as a presiding factor in how I behave; but anyone who knows me knows that this does not mean I will not stand up for my beliefs at all times, in all things, and in all places.

My two cents

The age of entitlement

I don't want to ramble (ha), but I wanted to address something that has been bothering me for some time.  

The feeling or assurance that someone owes you something just because you walk on the earth is frightening to me.  I have heard justifications for many things that are flat out wrong, but the most amazing part of it is that somehow (especially our teens and younger adults) seem to think it's okay to justify why they did something stupid by using the quip, "You deserved it" or "It's your fault". 

This post was prompted by a discussion we had with our oldest child (15 going on ??- depends on the day) but he's smarter than we are, he knows much more, and has obviously had life experience to teach him all he needs to know.  

As I sat and listened to him last night go on about this and that (regarding us and our parenting; we're SO oppressive), I thought:  this is a common theme I am seeing more and more; excuses for bad behavior pointed at others rather than at one's self.  

I am not a parent who thinks that I have done anywhere near a perfect job.  I mess up a lot.  I say I'm sorry A LOT.  But what baffles me in general and not always concerning my child/children but more in society is that this behavior is more common than we'd like to think.  

I don't think the welfare programs and other government funded programs would be taken advantage of the way they are if that sense of entitlement, "you owe us something, or everything" attitude were less rampant.  

I didn't have a perfect childhood, no one did.  I don't believe however that my problems are someone else's fault.  Most of the time I'm trying to figure out what I did to either contribute or cause a problem (although I've learned that some people will just take advantage of you if they have the chance no matter what).  

I found myself talking to my husband Sunday night about this very topic (which is wide spread and led to other side topics) but I've come to realize that being pliable, changeable for the good isn't a bad thing, if you know who you are in the first place and I think sometimes with all the distractions that we have in our lives, we ignore who we are, push that person aside, in order not to deal with the tough things in life.  

All I can do is hope that I am teaching my children to take responsibility for their own actions, instead of playing the blame game (which is so much easier to do and such a cop out).  We are responsible for ourselves and our choices, good and bad.  I've made plenty of both.  

As my son pointed out yesterday, "you're too open- you share too much with people mom; you're just going to get hurt".  I'd rather be open and share too much than have a wall 100 feet high letting no one in because I feel like I'm better than another or afraid of getting hurt.  I like to relate to people.  I know I have a lot of growing to do, but I'm glad that I have a strong sense of self (even with my many insecurities-at least I know what they are and am willing to work on them).  If we can be honest with ourselves, we will stop pointing the finger at others in blame, but instead take inventory of ourselves and how we can do better, be better.  

My goal is to be more teachable, more humble, more forgiving, less judgmental (especially of myself), and open myself up to getting hurt but also opening myself up in hopes of great things to come.  Knowing my divine identity and that THIS is who I was meant to be (minus a few kinks), helps me move forward not with a sense of entitlement, but a sense of hope and humility- the enemies of entitlement. 

My two cents

Enough PC bull already!

I grew up in a place (as many who will read this can attest) that was racially, financially, and morally diverse.  I knew most of the people I went to school with, I was friends with all kinds of people, didn't judge, still don't, and lived my life. I am worried that we have gotten to the point that we are so afraid in this country to even say a name incorrectly (i.e. Native Americans vs American Indian or Indigenous- the last of which I would find insulting as it's vague).  

The turn I see happening in this great country of freedom is that instead of all of us being able to clearly, respectfully, speak our minds and come together, there is not only a clear division, but a shift in the chasm.  I find that the way the media portrays things is slanted one way or the other to benefit their outlet, different groups refer to each other disrespectfully and without regard as human beings, adding to the violence and terrorism that is already rampant and at our front door.  

This post was actually prompted by an article I read about putting President Obama's head on Mount Rushmore.  I am not going to get into that- although I am conservative and I voted (very strongly) for Mitt Romney.  The part that caught my attention was that there was a side article that mentioned that "we" the public should stop referring to our President as "Obama" but instead as "President Obama" as his title demands.  The funny thing is, I don't remember calling "President Reagan" by his formal title, nor "President Bush".  Does that mean I'm being disrespectful?  I don't believe so.  If I were to meet the President I would address him as Mr. President, but in conversation, in writing (formal or otherwise), as long as I'm being true to myself (in my case that means I will not be disrespectful to the leader of our nation), I feel that I can call him "Obama" and be just fine. 

Any title is earned.  By blood, sweat, and tears.  By the respect of one's people.  Those who feel it's inappropriate to address the President so informally when speaking about him, feel free to be as formal as you like.  

The irony here, and this was my point in writing this...is that how can we be so concerned with titles and formalities when our families are falling apart, when the moral fiber of our country is hanging by a thread?  How much longer can we point the finger elsewhere.

You can worry all you want about whether to call those who originally settled this land now called America- Native Americans or American Indians....I will worry about whether my children know that I love them, that there is a God, that they are watching the correct material for their age, and that they are home every night for dinner.  

Not every family has to be like mine, and mine's not perfect...but stop getting so caught up in the less important things in life- the political correctness.  Just because someone wins an award or a title, does not make him a great man- it is what he does with that power that makes him a great man, the difference is that it is a privilege that is earned, not a right that is given.  

Let's not worry so much about offending others by what titles are proper and completely politically correct to the point that we can't even speak or don't even know what to call each other...and concentrate more on loving each other- unconditionally.  I am convinced if we do this, our country will become what it is destined to be; a great nation.

Home party central

Utah seems to be a mecca for home parties...allowing for flexibility of women's hours and incomes as they strive to balance home, family, and income (whether primary or secondary).  Supporting these parties is (in effect) like helping to support the family, however there should never be any pressure and if any of you are like my husband...the more the pressure comes out, the less interested he is (he HATES a pushy salesman- excuse the yelling).  

We talked about it today on Studio 5 and I hope I given you some good suggestions.

I think the way that home parties (in my never-to-be-humble opinion) is that several vendors get together, staying there the entire time to represent their product.  They will have better attendance, a more casual environment, and you might be pleasantly surprised at the increased sales from that low pressure, conversing, environment giving ladies a chance to talk about the different products and shop...a mall of home parties all in one location- something for everyone!

I'm not saying I have the answer, but I think far more people would prefer one stop personal shopping than one stop- one genre of product shopping.  

My two cents

Gift Giving Guidelines

As the holidays are already upon us, I thought I would share my latest segment from Studio 5.  I tried to come up with some simple solutions to gift-giving dilemmas which are particularly pertinent this time of year.  

Here is the link to my video...I hope you enjoy!

Most likely this will be my last post until after the holidays, so have a wonderful time being with loved ones and cherish the time you have together.

Much love

&

My two cents

Fancy Friday: Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah?

Every year it becomes more and more complicated to wish someone glad tidings during this time of celebration for many cultures.  

I believe we must be sensitive to other's beliefs, however,  December 25th is Christmas for me and my family: a day to commemorate the birth of what Christians believe (as do I- being a Christian) was the day of Christ's birth on this earth; Christ being my Lord and Savior. 

Hanukkah is observed for eight nights and days, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, which may occur at any time from late November to late December in the Gregorian calendar.  the Menorah has many symbolic meanings to the Jewish culture that are beautiful and spiritual.

Kwanzaa is a week-long celebration held in the United States (and more recently, Canada). The celebration honors African heritage in African-American culture, and is observed from December 26 to January 1, culminating in a feast and gift-giving.  Much more is said about Kwanzaa here that is profound and meaningful.  

My point in writing this post is to point out that we too easily get offended when one person says to another (perhaps of different beliefs) Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays.  I do not wish to take CHRIST out of Christmas, the very opposite.  This is a time for my family that is very sacred to me, that I love and cherish every year.  

I do realize (for all of you out there reading my blog) that this is an etiquette and manners blog, which is precisely why I am writing it.  I think Emily Post herself would roll over in her grave.  At no such time was there a belief that having good manners meant rolling over and playing dead so someone could walk all over us.  I certainly am tired of doing that and refuse to allow it any further in my life.  Call a spade a spade and lets keep it moving!

The fact that the White House called the Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees" this year is insulting.  The very symbolism of the tree is for Christmas.  Have A Menorah, symbols for Kwanzaa, different symbols for different cultures, but why call them Holiday trees when they are clearly Christmas trees?  Does someone think they are not offending anyone by calling them holiday trees?  I'm sad.  The green nature of the tree represents evergreen- everlasting life- Christ.  Missing the point? 

I simply wonder if we must be so politically correct all the time?  Yes, we do need to help others feel comfortable.  But the other day I was speaking with my husband about a specific ethnic group of people and I couldn't even remember what the newest PC name was to refer to them by.  

We did we become such and offended culture?  One where perhaps when we are in the wrong, we seek fault in another to help ourselves feel better.  My hubs was telling me about a HS basketball game the other day where a team beat another by some extraordinary number (107-2) and people were angry with the winning team for poor sportsmanship. 

We are in an age of entitlement.  I found it, I keep it.  You deserved it.  It's all about me.  I deserve a trophy for showing up.  

I believe this sense of entitlement not only contributes to the moral decay of our society, but prevents people from learning how to treat others kindly, have good manners, and just plain be good members of society.  

Please, during this time of year...no matter what you do or don't believe in; there is a special feeling in the air.  Take time to reflect upon your actions, not the actions of others, and see how you can improve. Respect others and don't worry about being offended so much.  Be proud of what you believe in.  

I find it so sad that we live in a world where someone takes offense in how we greet them during this time of year.  Find joy in the fact that they have beliefs wish them well.  Faith is a blessing, not a curse.

Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Be kind, be charitable, be sincere.

My two cents.