Chauvinistic or Chivalrous

Chivalry is not dead!

I came across a great article that embodies what I speak to youth about and what my blog is all about; helping others feel more comfortable.  This article speaks to 8 acts of Chivalry that should be brought back and that it's not about the inability of women to perform these tasks on their own, but out of respect and consideration for someone other than one's self.  

I hope you enjoy this article as much as I did.  As a wife, mama, chauffeur, cook, and all the other titles that come along with my identity, I appreciate this from a man's perspective who is trying to show true respect to women.  I'm not less than, never thought I was, and I always knew I wanted to marry a man who agreed with that and I know that my husband would not only do these things for me (does do them), but will do these things for other women.  I only hope I can raise a son who is just as considerate as his father.

http://jamesmsama.com/2014/02/01/8-acts-of-chivalry-to-bring-back/

Here's another article written in the DailyMail about women accepting men's help.  89% of women say they wouldn't accept a mans help:

Women are suspicious of kind men who open doors for them or offer a coat on a cold day because of a decline in good manners, research has suggested.

Traditional acts of chivalry once thought to be polite and noble are frowned upon in the 21st century because they are so rare.

That means the 'knight in shining armour' persona is an unwanted fantasy now that women strive to be strong and independent.

Style gurus claim 'standards have slipped' in the way men conduct themselves so women are 'suspicious' of gestures once thought to be polite or kind.

A survey said 82 per cent of women preferred to pay for their dinner on a first date and 52 per cent claimed they would happily pay the entire bill.

Men who think women are lumbering heavy shopping bags around should think twice before running to their assistance, because 89 per cent would not accept an offer to help.

And the scene of a considerate lover throwing his coat over the shoulders of a wife or girlfriend seems to be just for Hollywood rom-coms only - a massive 78 per cent said they would not accept the gesture even on a cold day.

Mark Hall, of Socked.co.uk, an online style guide offering tips on etiquette, said: 'Men's standards have slipped so far over recent years.

'Any offer of chivalry from a gentleman knocks a woman off their guard and is viewed with outright suspicion.

'Does an offer of goodwill have to be taken the wrong way?

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2262609/Chivalrous-acts-thought-polite-noble-make-women-suspicious-rare-study-suggests.html#ixzz2ud51Y8V6

We have to be smart ladies.  I carry defense with me at all times and I'm aware of my surroundings, but taking a seat offered to you on a crowded shuttle or allowing a man to open a door for you, who does that hurt?  I believe it only demeans us as women if we feel inferior in the first place or that we have something to prove.  I personally don't and appreciate that there are still gentlemen out there.

Are you LDS?

I was on Studio 5 this morning (I will link to the video when it becomes available) but was fascinated not only by the conversation that took place but by the comments afterward on Studio 5's Facebook page.  I was shocked to see how strongly people reacted for or against even talking about this, people saying "get over it", things like that.  

I wonder, if we don't care, why say anything at all?  The only topics I've ever commented on have been ones that I've actually had an opinion about.  The fact that there are comments means that it's something people feel differently about and have differing opinions on.  

My article for this segment was as follows:

Don't Assume:

Just because people live in Utah (or even in a city that is overwhelmingly LDS, don't assume the people you are speaking to are as well.

Don't be afraid:

Ask. Don't make it the first question that you ask after their name or an application they have to fill out to be a part of your life, but at some point in a conversation with someone new, ask them either if they are LDS or if they belong to an organized religion. If it doesn't come up in conversation, go back to rule #1.

Be careful with your words:

Most people have no idea what Mutual is, what a Ward is, or who a Stake President is, let alone all the other terms that may be unique to our religion. Be careful when speaking to people who are not of your faith that you don't use these words without explanation. I do believe this is a part of culture, not just a one day religion, so these words may naturally come up, but don't assume that the other person will know what you mean- so take the time to briefly explain- you might even have them respond with, "I know, I'm LDS" or " I know, I have Mormon friends" thus breaking the ice.

Be respectful and kind:

If the point of manners is to help those around us feel comfortable, then we must do all we can to make that happen. We should never pre-judge a person because they are or are not LDS. My children have friends who are LDS and friends who are not. They have good friends- period. Their friends have good families. Be careful not to exclude on the basis that someone believes different things than you do, whahetever side of the fence you may be on.

I don't think this applies to "Mormons" in Utah only.  This always applies.  I have found myself in as many situations traveling and outside of Utah using this advice as I have in this state (maybe more, in fact).  I find it so interesting that for a dull subject, or one that doesn't need to be spoken about, people have such strong words to share.  

I have never backed down from a conversation where my faith is questioned (in a hostile or a friendly manner), but misconceptions are the biggest enemy and if people don't think they are rampant...they need to open their eyes.  

I'm an open book.  Always have been, always will be.  But I don't believe in shoving my religion or beliefs down others throats.  I also don't believe in tip toeing around things.  I say things pretty much how they are (I say "pretty much" because I may choose a time that is appropriate or gage the temperature of my surroundings, but I think that's good manners no matter who you are or what you're talking about).  

Thank you Brooke, Darin, and Jane (and Chrissy) for allowing me the opportunity to speak my mind.  I have an opinion just like everyone else.  I am entitled to that.  The only thing that makes mine unique is that I come from the perspective of trying to help others feel comfortable in my presence as a presiding factor in how I behave; but anyone who knows me knows that this does not mean I will not stand up for my beliefs at all times, in all things, and in all places.

My two cents

Enough PC bull already!

I grew up in a place (as many who will read this can attest) that was racially, financially, and morally diverse.  I knew most of the people I went to school with, I was friends with all kinds of people, didn't judge, still don't, and lived my life. I am worried that we have gotten to the point that we are so afraid in this country to even say a name incorrectly (i.e. Native Americans vs American Indian or Indigenous- the last of which I would find insulting as it's vague).  

The turn I see happening in this great country of freedom is that instead of all of us being able to clearly, respectfully, speak our minds and come together, there is not only a clear division, but a shift in the chasm.  I find that the way the media portrays things is slanted one way or the other to benefit their outlet, different groups refer to each other disrespectfully and without regard as human beings, adding to the violence and terrorism that is already rampant and at our front door.  

This post was actually prompted by an article I read about putting President Obama's head on Mount Rushmore.  I am not going to get into that- although I am conservative and I voted (very strongly) for Mitt Romney.  The part that caught my attention was that there was a side article that mentioned that "we" the public should stop referring to our President as "Obama" but instead as "President Obama" as his title demands.  The funny thing is, I don't remember calling "President Reagan" by his formal title, nor "President Bush".  Does that mean I'm being disrespectful?  I don't believe so.  If I were to meet the President I would address him as Mr. President, but in conversation, in writing (formal or otherwise), as long as I'm being true to myself (in my case that means I will not be disrespectful to the leader of our nation), I feel that I can call him "Obama" and be just fine. 

Any title is earned.  By blood, sweat, and tears.  By the respect of one's people.  Those who feel it's inappropriate to address the President so informally when speaking about him, feel free to be as formal as you like.  

The irony here, and this was my point in writing this...is that how can we be so concerned with titles and formalities when our families are falling apart, when the moral fiber of our country is hanging by a thread?  How much longer can we point the finger elsewhere.

You can worry all you want about whether to call those who originally settled this land now called America- Native Americans or American Indians....I will worry about whether my children know that I love them, that there is a God, that they are watching the correct material for their age, and that they are home every night for dinner.  

Not every family has to be like mine, and mine's not perfect...but stop getting so caught up in the less important things in life- the political correctness.  Just because someone wins an award or a title, does not make him a great man- it is what he does with that power that makes him a great man, the difference is that it is a privilege that is earned, not a right that is given.  

Let's not worry so much about offending others by what titles are proper and completely politically correct to the point that we can't even speak or don't even know what to call each other...and concentrate more on loving each other- unconditionally.  I am convinced if we do this, our country will become what it is destined to be; a great nation.