Another perspective

I received an email this morning from a mother and wife who wished to remain anonymous, but I do NOT know her.  She asked me if I would post her feelings as a comment to my latest post but I felt that her comment was so poignant that it needed to be a post itself.  This is the society we do live in, with all of it's imperfections and shortcomings.  Unfortunately we are not perfect, although some try.  Rather than come from a defensive point of view, like some have on this issue, let's read the following and try to come from a place of understanding, shall we? (If you are lost on the commentary, simply read the next post down and the comments and you will understand):


"Melissa as a breastfeeding mother (on number 3) I totally agree that mothers should feel free to nurse in public but as a wife of a husband who struggles with pornography as many men do(and by struggle I mean hates it and is working so hard to overcome it) I have to say I support Janine's stance of discretion. There are many things that can trigger weakness in a man struggling with pornography and any level of immodesty is one of those things. I know it wasn't your intention but I think your comment that "it doesn't make them turn  into primal animals who can't control themselfs" is a bit naive and insensitive. My husband fully supports me breastfeeding in public but as a his wife I would appreciate it if modesty was practiced in all things. Alot of babies have a hard time nursing with a blanket over their heads it is stuffy and hot no matter how light the blanket plus they want to see their mothers face which is an important part of nursing. I mearly suggest that we take more thought to what we will be wearing as we are out in public so as to show respect to those around us. I agree that it is important for people of all ages to see that a women is breastfeeding and a little flesh showing between the babies head and your clothing not a big deal but I am not so sure they need to see an entire exposed breast. As a side note it is a shame that as a society we make a bigger deal about a women breastfeeding in public then of all the other blatant immodesty in the world around us."


Thank you anonymous for sharing your story with me.  I certainly wouldn't judge you until I have walked a mile in your shoes and I would hope others wouldn't either.  I would hope that we as a society would step outside ourselves a little and realize that there are others around us who may not feel the same as we do and therefore we can consider others feelings before we act...that is my only purpose in doing this blog.


That's my two cents

Do visuals help?

This is the best article from iVillage that I had to share- explains perfectly how I feel, that it's just a matter of common sense.

Not to get graphic here, but people still don't seem to get what I'm saying so I'm going to lay it out as simply as I possibly can- in pictures:

I find this to be perfectly acceptable.  I personally would throw a burp cloth or something over myself, but that's ME, and I have that right.  But there is nothing wrong with this picture except the guy giving her an odd look, and in that case he can move, she isn't doing anything to make him feel uncomfortable because she's covered in my opinion.

Not so much.  If she were secluded in her backyard, absolutely, if she were in a park with other families, nope.  I think it's not ok for her to bare her fully naked breast, she could have left a couple buttons done, or used a blanket even on the other shoulder away from her baby to shield herself or others to help make the situation a little more comfortable.  

Now, I'm not a lactation specialist, never have I claimed to be an Etiquette "expert" just an etiquette blogger who likes good manners, although I fail at times, I try my hardest and do know both what it's like to be mom of young children and now a mother of teenagers- think about that when you go to attack...how are these babies you are so quick to protect going to feel about seeing other women bare their breasts when their hormones are raging?  Just think, maybe don't jump to conclusions until you're there.

Oh Baby!

Let me just say that in the last few hours I have never had so much hate enter my life.  Thank you to all who have taught me how to properly tweet a hate message, how to Facebook a hate message, and how to email a hate message; I appreciate the education.  For the rest of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me share.  I was asked to appear on my local TV station, which, if you are a follower, you know I do once in a while.  But this was different.  I was asked by the host of the normal morning show that I appear on if I would to a special piece called "Family Focus" that was to air on the 5:00 news- goin' Prime Time baby!  Of course I was thrilled at the prospect and would never turn Brooke down (loves her).

I went at 12:15 (which is the middle of the school day and Liza was getting out early from a field trip so it was an extra special effort to make it up to the big city).  We chit chatted a while and when it was finally time to film, we did a couple of takes for my first "faux pas" of pregnancy etiquette- which was all based on a Today Show Producer who as up in arms over people touching her tummy while she was preggers.  I agree that it's a violation of her privacy and asked people not to do that as part of my top three no-no's.  Next I suggested that people stay away from asking couples or single adults when they will start a family (contentious I think) because it's no one's business!  Third I tackled what was obviously a beast and possibly the cause of future panic attacks- Breastfeeding in public!


Being a mommy of four and having nursed all my babies until well after one (almost two for most)- I'm an advocate and thank my mom and sisters for leading the way...but I have to say, I don't think I ever saw their goods, even though I was around my sister all the time when she was raising her five children.

Anyway, I suggested (as you can see in the video that I LINKED TO HERE) that I suggested that ladies should cover up.  OH BOY (yes I yelled)- this was a huge misjudgment in wording I suppose.  I don't know if I would have said it differently?  I guess I could have said "be discrete" but I probably would have gotten just as many haters.  You would have thought that I had just said that I hated all moms who breastfed, that I thought they were all awful for showing up in public, that they should be ashamed of themselves, and never again show their faces (isn't that what I said?)- Oh wait- NO!  I said that WE should cover up when in public places and when others besides immediate family (or others close to us- who I'm sure we can gage) are around in order to not make others feel uncomfortable.  I was speaking from personal experience.

Not too long ago we were with friends in Hawaii and while waiting outside for a table for dinner, I turned around to see a woman taking down the spaghetti strap of her dress to pull out her melon (watermelon) sized bare breast to feed her child in front of about 65 of us all waiting for this sushi place to open (you know the one I'm talking about on Maui?)- She was completely bare chested- there was no place to turn, she was on display for all to see.  There were several other benches in that strip mall, I know because my friend and I had just checked out a few of the other shops.  I did not wish for this sweet woman to be ashamed of her body, her baby, or breastfeeding, I just wanted her to take it somewhere a little more intimate so that just her and her baby could enjoy it.

That is all I'm saying people!  If you're wearing a sweatshirt already and you can't see anything, then you don't need to cover up, do you- which is why I said in the article, figure out what's best for you- I'm not the breastfeeding manager of you all!

I don't think I'm asking too much here or that it's bad manners.  I think it's good manners to make others comfortable.  Etiquette is simply more formal customs, so it doesn't really apply, but manners do.  When thinking of good manners, I will not give up my life, but I will consider others when making a decision on whether or not to expose my body in front of other people to feed my child when to solution is simple and when I know that will make other people feel uncomfortable, I am more than happy to retire to a bench more secluded in the mall, a restaurant booth, or one of many other locations.

I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying it doesn't take practice, but when I am accused of being discouraging to women who may want to breastfeed, or my words keeping them from breastfeeding altogether- I find that accusation harsh, unfounded, and unjust.

That's my two cents (and that's all it is!)

Janine