Gift Giving Guidelines

As the holidays are already upon us, I thought I would share my latest segment from Studio 5.  I tried to come up with some simple solutions to gift-giving dilemmas which are particularly pertinent this time of year.  

Here is the link to my video...I hope you enjoy!

Most likely this will be my last post until after the holidays, so have a wonderful time being with loved ones and cherish the time you have together.

Much love

&

My two cents

Excuse me?

I was asked a great question a few weeks ago and am finally getting around to answering it.  I am grateful that people often ask me questions about what they would do in a particular situation and I love trying to figure out what should happen.

In this particular instance, a wedding invite had been received and at the bottom it said, "registered at XYZ bank (paraphrased)."  I don't think that was any better than saying "cash only" or "cash preferred," in fact, it might be even more tacky.

Now listen, I live in a state where a lot of people get married, and my culture as a Mormon promotes marriage heavily- so I know I'm going to be invited to many weddings, etc.  I also understand that there is an element of convenience that is associated with including where one is registered for ease of the guests and to maximize what the couple receives (things they need and want).  But....big But... I do not think that this information should be included in an invitation (lets remember what an invitation is...a welcoming note to ask someone to join you for a special occasion, not a place to ask for stuff).

My amazing sis in law included information for her wedding without divulging this information in the classiest way I can think of: she included an insert that had a web address with their wedding website.  The website (which was really a host website for weddings, and I'm sure it was free or next to nothing to set up) included information on where to stay, directions to different events that revolved around the festivities, and it also happened to have a tab that you could click on if you were interested in getting them something from a store where they were registered.  I happened to use that link and buy Alissa and Jeff something that I thought they would both use and want.

The main beef I have with this is that you are telling others what they should get you...gift, money, or otherwise.  The fact that your family or you are spending an obscene amount of money to celebrate your wedding has nothing to do with your guests and the only reason they are there is to share in your joy...not to give you stuff.

We live in a technological age where there is no justification in including where you are registered in print.  I, however, got married in 1996 and there were not websites available to set up.  I simply refrained from putting where I was registered on my invite.  I still got things from my registry when people would call my family or my husband's family if they wanted to know where we were registered...key word being IF.

I think what people don't understand in this "All about me" era is that it really isn't all about them.  Manners and making others feel comfortable is so important.  How comfortable would you feel having a birthday party for yourself (as an adult) and writing a list of what you would like for gifts and including it with your invite to minimize what is brought that you don't want/need.

Bottom line is that we need more gratitude and less attitude.  I Love my one-liners (toot my own horn).
Please, please, please brides and grooms to be (and parents of the bride/groom)- buy a wedding etiquette book- preferably one that's been around for more than 5 years (could be in it's 5th addition in that time) and read it!  Here is a small section about invite do's and don'ts.

I'm curious to know what you've observed on other's invites or perhaps what you either plan to do, or have prepared for your own invites-good, bad, and ugly.  I am always learning and don't profess to know it all- but on this point I am firm.  No store (or bank) names should be printed on any piece of paper you send out with your wedding invitation.  

The exception to my rule would be a shower.  I still think it's more tasteful to include an insert and possibly a website or blog with this information- but if this is impossible- than I say "okay if you have to," but I still think that providing a phone number or email where your guests can obtain this information would be more appropriate.

My Two Cents

Tips on holiday tipping

As a follow up to my recent five minutes on 6AM TV (bright-eyed and bushy-tailed), I thought I would jot down some specifics for those interested in finding one place for the appropriate amounts to tip those in the service industry whose services we use throughout the year.  I had a newscaster call me yesterday and we did a story on it in Dallas yesterday afternoon, that was fun.  I think it's something that people do forget about and I'm happy to remind them.  

Whether and how much you tip widely varies, depending on the quality and frequency of the service, where you live,  (amounts are usually higher in large cities, and your budget.  If you’ve regularly tipped at the time of service, either forgo a holiday tip, or cut back on the amount.  Try to get your child’s input when deciding on any gifts for teachers, day care providers, nannies, and babysitters.

Every situation is different so let common sense, specific circumstances, and holiday spirit be your guides.  This tip amounts might be helpful:

Nanny

A gift from your family (or one week’s pay), plus a card from your child/children

Babysitter, regular

One evening’s pay, plus a small gift from your child

Barber

Cost of one haircut and possibly a small gift

Beauty salon staff

10-60$ each, giving most to those who give most to you, and possibly a small gift.

Child’s teacher

Gift, NOT Cash or check- school policy.  Ideas:  Classroom supplies such as books, sanitizer, tissue, picture frame, fruit basket, gourmet basket, slippers, cozy blanket, joint gift with other moms, a food item purchased by a group.

Day-care providers

25-70$ each, plus a small gift from your child; of only one or two providers, consider higher-range amount

Dog walker/Pet Sitter

One weeks pay

Personal Fitness trainer

Cost of one session and possibly a holiday card thanking them for hard work

Garage attendants

10-30$ each, to be distributed by my manager 

Housekeeper

One days pay

Letter carriers

US Government regulations permit carriers to accept gifts worth up to 20$ each, but a basket of fruit or candy, and nuts, are appropriate too.  You could also write a kind letter to their supervisor telling them how your carrier goes out of their way to ensure your packages safe arrival.

Massage Therapist

One session’s fee

Newspaper delivery

10-30$

Private Nurse 

Gift, not cash (too personal of a job)

Nursing home employees

Gift, not cash (see above)

Package deliverer

Small gift if you receive deliveries regularly; most delivery companies prohibits other.    

Pool cleaner

Cost of cleaning the pool

Doorman

10-80

Elevator man

15-40

Handy Man

15-40

Superintendent

20-80

Trash/recycling

10-20/each for private service (a gift is also appropriate- candy, nuts, popcorn)

Yard worker/gardener

20-50

If you can't afford to tip these people, just remember, it's not all about the money for them, or rest assured, they wouldn't be in any of these professions (for the most part).  They enjoy serving you, seeing your hair transform, opening the door and making you smile when they ask how your day was, helping work out the kinks in your neck- so a card, at the very least, with a personal message written of thanks and gratitude for them this time of year is also very much appreciated (I've done my research in the field and asked).  Just don't forget to remember them.  

My two cents!

A kick in the pants...

Often people think that because I write an etiquette blog, I have the correct advice, the right things to say, or that I'm always on my best etiquette behavior. The other night we were out with friends and my sweet friend made a point of telling me that she wanted to do something nice for me. Instead of accepting that as I would tell all of you to do, I argued with her and would not accept. She finally said, "what would The Pink Teapot say about this?" ouch! She was right. If I were giving someone else advice, I would tell them to accept graciously even though that is not always comfortable for us.

Good lesson in walking the walk.

The little pink book of etiquette

I found a great book that I thought I would share. This book is a small, practical, and cute guide to etiquette that you're all sure to enjoy! It's found on my nightstand and I frequent it's pages so that I can learn more and love the author's adorable humor- a great read. This would also make a great gift. You can purchase it here.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip six

Re-gift rarely...if ever. You have a surplus of "stuff," and it seems like the best way to downsize is to pass things on to other people. Makes sense. Problem is, if the truth emerges, two loved ones will feel hurt — the original giver (because you obviously didn't value her choice) and the recipient (who thought you'd take the time to find something special just for her). The basic guidelines for re-gifting: First, you must be positive that the gift is something the recipient would love. Second, the item must be brand new and in its original package. And third, it shouldn't be something the original giver took great care to select just for you.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip five

When you receive horrible, wrong-size or duplicate gifts, smile, say something polite, extend a thank-you...let's say its a "collectors" plate of Yosemite (not that it's a bad thing for all people, that may be your thing)! You can probably come up with something appreciative to say: "This is so thoughtful! You know how much I love the outdoors." But being gracious about a gift doesn't mean you always have to keep it. Yes, if the item is one of a kind or homemade — like a painting or a knitted scarf — you need to keep it. Otherwise, you can take the item back to the store and exchange it for something else. And when your friend asks how you like your new hand blender? Don't lie. Say, "I love those so much, I already owned one — so I didn't think you'd mind if I exchanged it for a food mill. Thanks for making my life in the kitchen so much easier, that was so thoughtful of you!"

It's so much easier to be polite and honest than to lie and then sneakily do something behind their back. When you're the one who's given the gift that the other person returns or doesn't want, make sure you don't take it personally. Also, remember it's the thought that counts. If you put a lot of thought into your gifts for individuals and families, you'll be able to find something that is meaningful and useful. Good luck, it's always a sticky thing isn't it?

Naughty or nice etiquette tip four

I feel that I've slightly been neglecting my readers and I apologize. That is why I'm breaking my rule and posting on the weekend. I have been so busy with some other things that I literally have not had the time to post...but I'm learning how to do that from my phone...coming soon to a blog near you!

On to the tip! If gift giving with your relatives is getting too expensive, it's okay to scale back — as long as you discuss it with them well in advance. Ending gift escalation is not as hard as you think, if you're willing to be frank. Months before the holidays, bring up the idea of alternative giving schemes. Some options: drawing names, limiting presents to a specific dollar amount, giving gifts only to kids and not to adults. Others will probably be grateful that you were brave enough to start the discussion.

You wanna be startin' somethin'?

Again with the songs! Oh well, I'll stop apologizing for it because it's just in my nature. I spent some time with my parents this weekend trying to help out and my sweet mother was so excited to give me my birthday presents while I was down there. She excitedly pulled out a bag and called my dad into the room while I opened my presents. My mom is big on gifts and I was pleasantly surprised to see that she had strayed from her usual gift giving of jewelry (kind of) this year. She bought me a pink teapot, a small gold and pink teapot with flowers and jewels all over it, and a charm bracelet with a pink teapot charm to match! It was a Pink Teapot birthday! I thought that was so thoughtful and insightful and I want to thank my mom again for being so considerate and even taking the time to think of something so creative, I love you mom.

Since my daughter and I have birthdays two days apart, I thought I'd talk about birthdays and other celebrations this week; but for today, I just wanted to thank my parents for everything, I love you both so much.

It's the final countdown

I don't know why these songs keep coming into my head as titles for posts!

Gift giving is a great way to communicate, don't you think? We can say, "thank you", "I love you", "I'm sorry"...(or as my husband said, "don't be mad at me"). Today I'm going to talk about hostess gifts. "Hostess" gifts are thoughtful and show good manners, but are not mandatory. It is considered good taste to give a hostess gift when:

1. You want to say "thank you" for the generosity of others, and you'd like to do more than write a note.

2. You are the guest of honor at a party or shower.

Those are some great examples of instances when a hostess gift is optional. A hostess gift is mandatory only when you are the guest of honor at a dinner. Here are my "top ten" hostess gifts for under $30 (in no particular order):

1. Family dinner box of questions
2. A set of dish towels that coordinate with the hostess's home
3. Trimmed kitchen gloves4. Flowers (these need to be in their own container so the hostess doesn't have to do that)
5. Candy- I would go with chocolate6. ID pilots-everyone would appreciate this7. A fantastic cookbook like this one8. Custom M&M's or Dove chocolates9. Hand lotion-always lovely for tired hands, just watch out for the scent, this one is great
10. An Apron of course!
There are some considerations. You may always send the gift after the event, but if you are the recipient, you must immediately send an email or written thank you note so that the sender knows the gift was received. There are so many different things you could give for a gift, just remember if you bring your gift to the dinner, don't expect the hostess to "use" your gift, whether edible or not, during the dinner.

This has been so fun! What are your favorite ideas and sites for gifts?