Home party central

Utah seems to be a mecca for home parties...allowing for flexibility of women's hours and incomes as they strive to balance home, family, and income (whether primary or secondary).  Supporting these parties is (in effect) like helping to support the family, however there should never be any pressure and if any of you are like my husband...the more the pressure comes out, the less interested he is (he HATES a pushy salesman- excuse the yelling).  

We talked about it today on Studio 5 and I hope I given you some good suggestions.

I think the way that home parties (in my never-to-be-humble opinion) is that several vendors get together, staying there the entire time to represent their product.  They will have better attendance, a more casual environment, and you might be pleasantly surprised at the increased sales from that low pressure, conversing, environment giving ladies a chance to talk about the different products and shop...a mall of home parties all in one location- something for everyone!

I'm not saying I have the answer, but I think far more people would prefer one stop personal shopping than one stop- one genre of product shopping.  

My two cents

Party Predicaments

I had the privilege of being on Studio 5 yesterday to premier a new segment that I pitched to KSL.  I was thrilled to have this opportunity and loved the questions that I got.  You can continue to email me with questions or message me on Facebook.  I'm pretty easy to get a hold of.

Here is the segment and accompanying article for the different Party dilemmas that we tackled...enjoy!

My two cents

Excuse me?

I was asked a great question a few weeks ago and am finally getting around to answering it.  I am grateful that people often ask me questions about what they would do in a particular situation and I love trying to figure out what should happen.

In this particular instance, a wedding invite had been received and at the bottom it said, "registered at XYZ bank (paraphrased)."  I don't think that was any better than saying "cash only" or "cash preferred," in fact, it might be even more tacky.

Now listen, I live in a state where a lot of people get married, and my culture as a Mormon promotes marriage heavily- so I know I'm going to be invited to many weddings, etc.  I also understand that there is an element of convenience that is associated with including where one is registered for ease of the guests and to maximize what the couple receives (things they need and want).  But....big But... I do not think that this information should be included in an invitation (lets remember what an invitation is...a welcoming note to ask someone to join you for a special occasion, not a place to ask for stuff).

My amazing sis in law included information for her wedding without divulging this information in the classiest way I can think of: she included an insert that had a web address with their wedding website.  The website (which was really a host website for weddings, and I'm sure it was free or next to nothing to set up) included information on where to stay, directions to different events that revolved around the festivities, and it also happened to have a tab that you could click on if you were interested in getting them something from a store where they were registered.  I happened to use that link and buy Alissa and Jeff something that I thought they would both use and want.

The main beef I have with this is that you are telling others what they should get you...gift, money, or otherwise.  The fact that your family or you are spending an obscene amount of money to celebrate your wedding has nothing to do with your guests and the only reason they are there is to share in your joy...not to give you stuff.

We live in a technological age where there is no justification in including where you are registered in print.  I, however, got married in 1996 and there were not websites available to set up.  I simply refrained from putting where I was registered on my invite.  I still got things from my registry when people would call my family or my husband's family if they wanted to know where we were registered...key word being IF.

I think what people don't understand in this "All about me" era is that it really isn't all about them.  Manners and making others feel comfortable is so important.  How comfortable would you feel having a birthday party for yourself (as an adult) and writing a list of what you would like for gifts and including it with your invite to minimize what is brought that you don't want/need.

Bottom line is that we need more gratitude and less attitude.  I Love my one-liners (toot my own horn).
Please, please, please brides and grooms to be (and parents of the bride/groom)- buy a wedding etiquette book- preferably one that's been around for more than 5 years (could be in it's 5th addition in that time) and read it!  Here is a small section about invite do's and don'ts.

I'm curious to know what you've observed on other's invites or perhaps what you either plan to do, or have prepared for your own invites-good, bad, and ugly.  I am always learning and don't profess to know it all- but on this point I am firm.  No store (or bank) names should be printed on any piece of paper you send out with your wedding invitation.  

The exception to my rule would be a shower.  I still think it's more tasteful to include an insert and possibly a website or blog with this information- but if this is impossible- than I say "okay if you have to," but I still think that providing a phone number or email where your guests can obtain this information would be more appropriate.

My Two Cents

Tips for a Happy Turkey Day

We are all busy today either making dishes, traveling, or spending time with loved ones.  It's a time to be grateful for what we have.  In reflecting upon the things we do have, we can also be aware of how we can make those around us the happiest and be as considerate as possible during this busy holiday season.

-consider your dress.  If you are attending someone's home, step it up a notch, it shows respect for your host letting them know that you appreciate all the effort they went to on your behalf.

-Say thanks.  Of course we will all say this during the meal, after, many times perhaps.  But remembering to write a note, a text (if you must-at the least) or a phone call after the fact to let them know how much you appreciate all the work they went to, is so appreciated and thoughtful.

-Be punctual.  Arrive and leave on time.  When your host tells you the time to arrive, pay attention and respect it.  There is a reason they have told you that time and it shows respect to be punctual.  We all run into traffic, snags with family, work, etc.  But if you do, call to let them know you are running behind and that you will be there shortly.  Know when it's time to leave.  If you are staying at your hosts home, agree ahead of time when you will be leaving and don't overstay your welcome, no matter how badly your host begs...there's always next time.  It's better to be wanted than to overstay your welcome.

-Avoid awkward and painful topics- especially in families.  This isn't family therapy.  It's not the time to talk about how you wish mom hadn't worked when you were little.  It's a time to talk about what you're grateful for and leave your problems at the door with your coat.  Pick another time to talk about things that are heavy, group gatherings are not the time.

-Offer to help clean up.  Most of the time the host has gone to a lot of work to prepare; cleaning, cooking, etc.  Offer to pitch in and do some dishes.  Roll up your sleeves and dig in.

FOR THE HOST:

-Assign tasks.  Don't be afraid to ask people to bring something.  Or if you are cooking the meal yourself, have your guests help with taking coats, setting the table, lighting candles, last minute details.

-Leave distractions in your room or office.  This is not the time to text or have the game on.  Turn off the TV and FB.  Be the gracious host I know you can be and enjoy the guests you have invited over, sit down, be engaging, ask more questions and listen more than you talk.

-Be aware and flexible.  If you are inviting a larger group of people and someone says, "I would come but Jim is spending the holiday alone."- say, "well bring him with you!"  Be gracious, it never hurts to invite one more, but you will always regret not doing so.

-Say thank you.  Your guests if you look around, are your loved ones.  Thank them for taking the time and effort to come and share time with you and loving you.  Always thank them.

-Have a flexible menu.  You may have gluten free requests, people who want to bring things even when you have the entire menu planned.  Be prepared to allow for those things and don't be so stringent.  Accept all offers for special diet accommodations.


Above all the holidays are a time to celebrate, to forgive, to come together.  I personally am not one who likes to hold grudges, have arguments that I cannot resolve, or problems that I cannot fix.  I love the feeling of peace and joy that the holiday season brings knowing that I can come together with as many loved ones who will have me and celebrate all that we have to be grateful for.

I hope that this holiday season brings all of you the same peace and joy and I look forward to bringing you some more fun tidbits here and there as the months continue.

My two cents.

The wonderful world of Tipping-Part 1

Tips can be a tricky...do you pay your hairdresser a flat rate or percentage?  When do you give the valet his tip, before you walk in to your venue, when you are leaving, or both?  Here are a few suggestions on how to tip properly:

• Be discrete.  There is no need to flash your cash if you're a big tipper.
• It is customary to tip on the pre-taxed amount of the bill.
• When in doubt about tipping, ask in advance.
• Money is the tip of choice, but in some cases a small gift, usually during the holidays can be substituted.

Restaurants and Bars:

Waiters- 15% is standard, in large cities 15-20% is standard.  Exceptions to the 15-20% rule include:

• When a restaurant is self serve- 10% is customary and is a thank you for preparing drinks and cleaning up your table
• When the waiter has been especially accommodating- you may wish to add an additional percentage or 2-5$ to your 20%
• When a gratuity has already been added to the bill- then there is no need to give a tip.
• When your stay at a crowded restaurant is lengthy- Most restaurants count on turning tables at a fairly quick rate.  Taking more time at a table means losing money for the restaurant and the server.  Tacking on an extra 10-15% will express your thanks for being allowed to linger.

Bartenders

• As you wait for a table, you can either pay for your drinks as you order or ask the bartender to run a tab, with will be added to your dinner bill.  In either case, leave a tip for the bartender when you are told that your table is ready.  in small towns 1$ per drink is fine.  
• If you're at a bar simply to have a drink, tip between 15-20% at higher end if the bartender has run a tab for you, if he's thrown in a free drink or two, add a couple of extra dollars to your tip.

Wine Stewards

• A wine steward ( in upscale restaurants, the sommilier if a man, sommeliere if a woman) is tipped 15-20% of the wine bill, but only if he or she was especially attentive.  If the the steward merely took your order and poured your first glass of wine, you might leave 10-15%, though no tip is required.
• Customers usually tip a wine steward in cash at the end of the meal but in some restaurants you might find a wine-tip line on the credit card bill.  And take note:When tipping a wine steward, tip your waiter only for the food portion of your bill.

Valet Attendants

• Tip the parking attendants 2$ in smaller cities and 3-5$ in larger cities.  Give the tip when the car is brought to you, not when you arrive.

In Transit

At Airports

• Curbside baggage checker, skycap, or airline porter.  The standard is 1$ to 2$ per bag- a little more if the bag is very heavy.
• Wheelchair attendant.  A 2-5$ tip is standard.  If the attendant goes the extra mile, such as pushing the wheelchair from one end of the large airport to the other, tip on the higher end or even more.
• Hotel shuttle bus driver.  If the driver helps you with your baggage, tip no less than 1$ per bag.
• Workers in the airport. Tip as you would servers in other restaurants.

On Trains

• Dining or club car waiter. 15-20%
• Waiter delivering to sleeping car-15-20%
• Redcap or train porter-1$ per bag plus 1$ added to the total.
• Sleeping car porter-2$ per person per night.

In Taxis, Private Cars, or Limousines

• Taxis- generally about 20% of the fare, but in large cities you should tip a minimum of 1$.  If a taxi driver helps with your luggage or packages, a slightly larger tip is always in order; in general 1$ per bag.  Try to avoid using large bills, especially during short rides or shift changes, when drivers aren't likely to have change.
• For car and Limousine services, the easiest way to top is to tell the service to add the gratuity to the bill, and often times this is done automatically. You may do this when you request the service.  In larger cities, the standard tip is about 20%; in smaller cities, 15%.  When a gratuity is included in the fee, there's no need to tip more.

On Cruises 

Tips at sea

• A good rule is to allow about 15% of your fare for tipping.  Divide about half of this allowance between the cabin and dining-room stewards and distribute the rest to others who served you.
• Cabin Stewards, Dining Room Stewards, and Waiters should receive about 3$ per day minimum.  Put tips in separately addressed envelopes and hand them to each person at the end of the cruise with a note of thanks if you wish.
• Lounge and bar Stewards- 15-20% at the time of service.  
• Wine Steward- 15-20% Each time you use his services.
• Hairdressers, manicurists, and other service people are tipped at the same rate as on land (that will be in part two)
• Like train and airport porters-1$ per bag at the time of service
• On longer cruises consider tipping weekly and find a day that works for you to be consistent.  
• Do not tip the ships officers, but do thank them for their courtesy and hospitality if you cross paths or happen to go to a captains dinner.  Do not tip the ships doctor.

Next post I will talk about Hotels, service industry professionals, Health care providers, Home delivery services, Residential Building Personnel, and other out- and about tipping.  I also have a post about holiday tipping that I will refer you to.  

Fancy Friday- the letters b and d

I don't want everyone thinking that this is Sesame Street and that we are going to sponsor the number 4 next.  I just had to tell you that something came back to me this last week and I thought that was Fancy!  I do classes or seminars that are geared toward the youth in helping them be better at dating with manners, dining with manners, and using technology with manners.  It's usually done in a dinner style and it's worked very well in the past.  The last occasion on which I had an opportunity to present my class, there were some adults there and it just so happened that a few of them owned their own businesses (successful ones at that).  I taught the class- geared at the youth- but I always hope that whatever I teach will benefit whomever attends.

About a week ago, one of those adults who also happened to be a business owner, came up to me and said, "hey, I used that 'B' and 'D' thing you taught us"- I was excited that he had occasion to use it and now I will explain it, as I have before here:

It is simply that your Bread plate will always be on your left as your left hand makes a 'b' and your Drink will always be on your right as your right hand makes a 'd'.  It's a simple trick to distinguish your drink or bread plate from that of the person sitting next to you, especially in a round table setting, or a long dining table like this:

I hope you find this refresher helpful and not too fancy.  I've found it helpful in many situations and it was so fantastic to hear back that the trick worked for someone else as well.

That's my two cents.

A Heavenly Hostess (Giveaway) CLOSED

What does it mean to be a good hostess? I will never forget going to a class with many women around my age many years ago- all young mothers; and we were taught by an experienced mother of 10 about being a good hostess. This wonderful woman spoke of making sure your front walkway was clean, your door was wiped down, your front entry way was clear- esthetics. I'd like to add a few things to that.

None of us is perfect- but we all love to put our best foot forward and I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as we allow others to know that it's our best foot. I wrote a post about being a good hostess about a year ago that you can read here. I also have a series of posts about house guests and how we can be good longer term hostesses.

When guests come, consider the following:

• How does my home smell? I have warmers throughout my home that I turn on every day to enhance the smell of my home. I enjoy a congruent smell throughout that reminds me of Fall or Christmas, or even Springtime.
• Is my home comfortable? This is not about square footage or the "clean house award". What I want you to ask yourselves is- Is there a place for your guest to be seated so that you can talk with them? Do you have them remove their shoes and walk on a sticky floor?
• Have I been considerate of my guest? Ask your guest immediately if they would like a drink of ice water. If they have been there a while, ask them if they would like a snack, perhaps you could slice up an apple with peanut butter, crackers and cheese, celery and dip- it's not a bad idea to keep things on hand to offer.
• Am I presentable? I love my sweats. Anyone who knows me can tell you that. However, when I am entertaining, I love to dress up. I think this shows respect for my guests. It shows them that they are important enough to me that I took the time to get ready and put on my best clothes for them. When I host a dinner party, you will find me in my Heavenly Hostess apron (friends can attest) because it's my best. I want others to know that they are special enough to me that I will put on my best things for them- get out my best china, crystal, silver or gold, linens, 40's jazz , and a fantastically cooked meal (hopefully).

Cynthia from Heavenly Hostess has graciously offered to do a giveaway with The Pink Teapot. I blogged about my Heavenly Hostess apron over a year ago and talked about the importance of wearing it! We should all feel honored because this apron is nothing short of amazing. I would wear this to show my guests how important they are to me, just as I currently wear my other apron from her. This is, in my opinion, the finest apron available, and I'm so excited to give it to one of my Pink Teapotians!

**You must leave a separate comment for each thing that you do below (ie one comment after you've blogged and tell me you've blogged, one comment after you've tweeted, one comment after you've added the button, one comment after you've become a fan, etc)- I have tried to email those who have not done it correctly but it becomes cumbersome and I'm not sure I'll be able to do that again, so please try do do this correctly (luff you)

• Leave a comment on this post for one entry**
• Blog about this for an extra entry (and link back to your post in your comment please).**
• Put the The Pink Teapot button on your blog for an additional entry.**
• Follow @thepinkteapot on Twitter and tweet about this for another entry.**
• Become a fan of The Pink Teapot on Facebook for an additional entry.**

This contest will close at 11:59pm on Friday, September 18th. The winner will be announced the following day and chosen by random.org

Flirty Apron Review and Giveaway!! CLOSED

Here it is ladies, if you've been anticipating like I have, then you'll be so happy to know that I've received my lovely Flirty Apron in the mail! I ripped the envelope open and found a neatly folded apron inside that I couldn't wait to wear (literally). I took off my other apron, and with glee, tied the bow on this little beauty!

Here's what I love:

• I love the fabric. It's to die for. Thick enough that it would hold up well in the wash and those beautiful pleats would stand the test of time, but not so thick that it won't move with you as you move around the kitchen.
• I love the colors! Red, black, and white...how fun. I enjoyed putting on something a little different than what I'm used to and the patterns were fantastic and eye catching.
• I loved the long sache. I had plenty of room if I wanted to tie it up front, around the back in a big bow, or to do whatever I wanted with the long sashes, and I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the company for giving me that room and flexibility.
• I loved their punctuality. They told me they were sending the apron out the door and I had it the next day (I believe). That's service!
• I love their vintage flair with a modern twist. Their aprons are sexy and flirty while still maintaining a traditional style that I enjoy cooking in...a style of practicality!

The thing I didn't love so much:

• I only have one thing to say that I didn't absolutely adore about these aprons. I thought the pockets could have been a bit deeper. I thought the placement was perfect and the width too; but I just wanted a little extra snuggle room for my hands and perhaps a set of keys and a phone when I run to the market in my apron when I've forgotten the cornstarch.

I give Flirty Aprons 4.75 stars for superior craftsmanship, customer communication, design, use of fabrics, functionality, and a little flair!

Way to go girls!

Now it's time for one of you lucky ladies to win one of these incredible aprons...I know mine is know officially a keepsake. Here's how to enter my giveaway for an apron from www.flirtyaprons.com:

1. Leave a comment on this post for one entry.
2. Blog about this for an extra entry (and link back to your post in your comment).**
3. Put the The Pink Teapot button on your blog for an additional entry.**
4. Follow @thepinkteapot on Twitter and tweet about this for another entry.**

5. Become a fan of The Pink Teapot on Facebook for an additional entry.**

This contest will close at 11:59pm on Monday, September 7. The winner will be announced the following day and chosen by random.org

*Any one person can enter up to five times and increase their chances of winning

**You must leave a separate comment for each extra entry.

Personal Space...?

"What is the best way to excuse guests to leave your home after a gathering? Or is there no proper way? I often have moms and kids over for play groups and enjoy having ladies over for dinner parties. But even if I specify a time frame with the invitation, the guests often over stay their welcome. I often find myself thinking, "okay, you've been here for two hours and I have things to get done."

This can be difficult, especially if you have several people over. Here are some of my suggestions:

• Even though you may have set a time frame, you can't expect your guests to remember that, so as the time draws to a close, thank everyone for coming, tell them what a nice time you've had visiting with them all, and that you can't wait until you can do it again....like this, "Well thank you all for coming, it was so nice to see everyone, I loved talking with you all. When are we getting together next month, on the third Wednesday? That will be so fun; thanks again for coming...now does anybody need help out with anything?" If you're sincere, your friends will feel that from you.
• When it's time for your event to come to a close and your guests are just having too good a time to listen...speak up, you can always say, "Thank you all for coming, I loved having you...I have some things I need to finish tonight before bed, I'm sorry we have to wrap this fun night up (or afternoon), I love having good friends!"
  
• The best policy is honesty, but you can do that with class and a smile. Make plans after play group for example: to organize something just after the baby goes down for a nap. Be honest and straightforward, everyone appreciates that, but always follow it up with graciousness. Letting them know how grateful you are that they came will mean a lot to them.
  

I hope this has helped. When the gathering is less formal, like with family, I just tell them we're tired after a few hours of playing and it's after midnight...use your closeness to be your guide also. Good luck, I want to hear how this goes next time!

New Year's Party

Here are a few tips for any party, but I think with the ensuing new years festivities, we could all use a little reminder/refresher course on our party etiquette.

Greet guests at the door.
Be cheerful and pleasant at all times.
Introduce everybody to each other.
Keep the food and drinks coming.
Keep circulating making sure everyone is engaged.
Have at least one planned activity.
If children are coming, have kid friendly food and an activity planned.
Pay attention to your guests needs.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip three

3. When Aunt Irma, feeling inventive, brings her cucumber-banana gelatin mold to Christmas dinner, accept graciously (no eye rolling, please). A good host responds to an unexpected — and perhaps unwelcome — contribution with aplomb. Thank your aunt and serve her creation with your spread. You might think cucumber and banana is a disgusting combination — but now's not the time to tell her so, and you'd hurt her feelings if you failed to offer it to your guests.

The great thing about a large holiday dinner is that there is only so much room on your plate and everything is passed around, we all take turns serving ourselves each dish. If an unexpected dish shows up that you are not pleased with, you can always serve "buffet" style and allow your guests to stand and serve themselves whatever they like.

Planning ahead

"Whether you're mailing printed invitations or inviting guests by phone, timing is key. Send an invitation too late and the guest may already be booked; send it too early and it can be misplaced or forgotten." Peggy Post

These guidelines will give you an idea of how to time invitations for different kinds of parties (click chart to enlarge):

You and you...but not you

So your child is having a birthday party. There are choices as to how to distribute invitations, but the easiest way for most parties (during the school year) is to let them pass out invitations at school. Let's talk about how that can be done minimizing hurt feelings. Let me say that I prefer that my children have the address or at least the phone number of the child they'd like to invite, and then the invites can be mailed.

When passing out invites at school it's important that you sit down with your child and explain what happens when someone whom they know is not invited, how that makes them feel, etc. Then you give them specific instructions that might sound like this, "When you pass out the invitations, do it by yourself maybe during recess, go and find each friend, hand them the invite, and just say 'here is something for you to open when you get home', and then move on to your next friend". This does not mean that their friends will listen to your child, but it gives them the opportunity to do so.

Whenever possible, you could also take your child on a special "date" and drive them to deliver the invitations. I do realize we live in a very busy world where things are spinning so fast for most of us, we barely have time to breathe, but, taking the time out for our children to explain these things to them really does pay off in the end because you are helping them recognize that others have feelings too and asking them how they would wish to be treated were the tables turned...great teaching moment!

Fancy Fridays- how many untensils can you have?

Today my "fancy Friday" is about fancy place settings. We've talked about every day settings, but did you know that you can have up to three forks, three spoons, two knives, three plates, four glasses (three technically + one cup and saucer)...this can be confusing. You can click on the link below to enlarge it and see exactly what each utensil and dish is for! Happy Friday!

You're never fully dressed with out a smile...and an apron!

Entertaining is this weeks "theme" and in staying true to that, I'm talking about aprons today. I am a "collector" of aprons, here are a couple that I own:

The cherry apron is from Jessie Steele and the black polka dot apron is from Heavenly Hostess. I have loved wearing them both! It's a throwback to the 40's and 50's...love it.


The great thing about dressier aprons is that they can transfer to the dinner table beautifully. For everyday wear, when we need to actually "wipe" things on our aprons, I love William Sonoma (who doesn't). Their aprons for adults and children wash well and take a pretty good beating. I buy two at a time and that way, when one is looking shabby, I have a back up ready to go...I guess I'm a little hard on my aprons. I stumbled across The Apronista and I love all her posts...check her out.

On a side note: I realize that on a blog about manners and etiquette, you might be prone to read and not comment, so I'm going to try and pose questions at the end of each post to get some discussion going because I can see I have visitors, and I have emails coming to me where people are saying it's a bit intimidating to comment on these particular subjects. I agree, these subjects can seem intimidating, let's get some discussion going!

For today: Which apron would you rather use, a half apron or a full? Would you sacrifice cuteness for functionality? That black apron for example has to be dry cleaned, not very practical, right? What's in your kitchen?

Come on in, the weather's fine

We had a dinner party at home last night in honor of a friend who has just moved back to Utah. We set the table for everyone over eight and then set a "little girls" table that looked just like ours with flowers and everything.

I realized that we don't use two forks enough because half way through dinner, my eight year old daughter blurted out, "what's this fork for mom?" I was a little embarrassed, but I smiled and said, "oh that's for the steak and the mashed potatoes babe." I think the last time we had more than three pieces of silverware at the table I'm sorry to say was for Christmas Eve dinner.


I was reminded of a few things:

1. It's lovely when your family and guests can sit down comfortably and in style and everyone feels welcome and happy.
2. The hostess always should direct the guest to their seat, we should never assume they know where they're sitting.
3. It's always nice when the guest offers to help you with the dishes, but save them for later and enjoy your guests...the dishes aren't going anywhere.
4. A game plan for the evening is always good.
5. If you have a guest to your home who has never seen it, it's never a bad idea to be prepared to show the house to them should they ask.

Have a great evening!

An old "proverb"...

"Procrastination is a crime, it only leads to sorrow. I can stop at any time, I think I will tomorrow." I had to memorize this for my eight grade history class. I wasn't singled out, although I'm guilty of procrastination, but our entire class had to know this by the end of the year or we simply failed in spite of our projects and papers.

Each week I'm going to try and stick with a "theme". I think this will help me from becoming too overzealous and hopefully if you want to learn more about a subject, we'll go into detail about each one weekly.

Being prepared has never come easily for me. I'm always setting my clocks ahead so that I have a few extra minutes to prepare(although knowing about that, I take advantage). I remember planning a baby shower where several people had offered to help me and I had "graciously" (I thought) turned them down, thinking I could do it all by myself. The day of the shower arrived and I was feverishly dipping chocolate strawberries and mixing lemonade as guests arrived instead of greeting them. Now you might be asking yourselves why go to that much trouble? The answer is that, as a hostess, you want to show the guest of honor that you care enough about them to put effort into what you've done for them. My biggest mistakes were not planning ahead and not accepting help.

Any successful party, whether there are 4 or 400 people in attendance, must have some key elements; and it may surprise you to find out what they are:

1. Guests who are amiable
2. A menu that is well planned and suited to your guests' tastes
3. An attractive table- everything in perfect condition; linens pressed, silverware polished, glassware sparkling
4. Food that is well prepared
5. A gracious and cordial hostess and host who are welcoming and at the same time enjoy their guests

Fifteen minutes is the accepted length of time that a hostess need delay her dinner for the late guest. To wait any longer is rude to your other guests. If you are that late guest, it's necessary to go to the hostess/host and apologize (briefly) for being late. If you are the hostess, you can say something polite like: "I'm sorry you had such a bad drive, but I was sure you didn't want us to delay dinner"...always with a warm smile. If the guest misses dinner entirely, it's kind of the hostess to keep a plate wrapped in the fridge.

It's nice to greet your guests and socialize with them in your living or family room, so you may invite them to be there at 7pm but indicate that dinner will be served at 7:30pm.

There are many online resources that have timelines available for dinner parties, holidays, and other special occasions to help you get organized and be prepared: Dinner party timeline

When in doubt for any of these things, I think the golden rule applies: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and truly think about how you would feel if those "things" were done or said to you, and you will never fail.

Butter, butter, who's got the butter!

Ever since I can remember, I have had the privilege of setting the table for every major holiday. This tradition is something I am going to pass along to my daughters and I am grateful for my mother, who taught me how to set a beautiful table and let me use all her fine china and crystal because I was more precious to her than any fine possessions.

I had a request to write about table settings (place settings). This subject was one I was planning on covering at some point, but I'm happy to oblige requests. I have included a diagram for your convenience and then I'll have some tips for you.


I had a friend graciously share her trick with me after my confusion at a dinner party where we were sitting at a round table. There isn't much personal space at a round table and therefore it's very difficult to tell who's drink is who's and who's bread is who's. Here's a sure way to tell every time: Make the "okay" sign with both hands and your left hand will form a "b" bread, and your right hand, a "d" drink. Bread on your left, drink on your right (you can do this discreetly under the table).

Utensils- Start from the outside and work your way in. Usually the big spoon is for soup, the big fork is for dinner, and any utensils above the plate are for dessert.When a utensil has been used, it never goes back on the table. When you're taking a break, rest your fork and knife entirely on the plate, facing each other at "8 o'clock" and "4 o'clock". When you are finished, place them diagonally on the plate, side by side, with the handles at "4 o'clock". The knife blade should face the center of the plate, not point out toward another guest (an ancient sign of aggression) that is also good to remember when setting a table-knife blade in. You can print out this table setting guide and place it on the inside of a cupboard until it's easy to remember.

Servers will usually serve from the left and remove from the right. You may indicate that you're ready to order by simply closing your menu and placing it in front of you. You may indicate you are finished with your meal as indicated above, with your utensils and slightly moving your plate away from you. If you are leaving the table but are planning to return, place your napkin in the chair; if you are finished with your meal and are leaving the table, place your napkin on your left-next to your plate, indicating that you are finished. If you are in a home, wait for the host/hostess to place their napkin before placing yours-if in doubt, always wait for the host/hostess in a home for direction and do what they do. If you are in a restaurant, you may place your napkin in your lap immediately after being seated.

Other tidbits- You may rest your forearms on the table.  If you want to rest your elbows on the table, this is acceptable as long as you're not using them as a way to get food into your mouth faster.  Best rule of thumb is if you're eating, elbows off, if you're talking, elbows on or elbows okay.  Again-if you must answer your cell phone, excuse yourself from the table if at all possible. Remember, at a dinner party, there are many people there; don't monopolize the conversation: always listen more than you are talking. Be attentive and polite to everyone at the table and if there is someone you don't know and the host/hostess has forgotten to introduce everyone, introduce yourself to anyone you don't know.

This barely scratches the surface of table etiquette/dining manners, but I hope this is helpful. I'm sure I'll write about it again and the videos to the left are actually very helpful even though they're more than fifty years old, manners never go out of style!