Don't judge me by my teacups

I love watching, reading, or hearing things that are uplifting and inspiring.  There are great sources out there that do just that, however, overwhelmingly, the media presented is not uplifting or inspiring.  I've always found it so odd that Facebook is supposed to be a social media platform to share insights with friends and family and I've always tried to honor doing that in the most honest and real way possible; neither editing out all our hardships or concentrating on them, but being real, as real as one can be behind a computer or phone screen.  

I've had people call me and ask me to take this or that down from my personal FB page, which is ironic because it is (as a wise friend described it) like my living room walls.  The pictures I hang don't have to be your favorites, but they reflect me as a person, sometimes they are masterpieces, other times they just have a special meaning to me and might seem worthless to the casual observer.  But the person who knows me well would look at my collection of teacups from all different times in my life and know what they are, and a few (a special few) might admire the teacups just because they're different and want to get to know me better.  The point is, don't judge me by my teacups.  They are an amalgam of special times and people, personal and special to me.  

I think it's easy to fall into a pattern where (especially as women) we feel the need to "only concentrate on the positive" when it comes to social media.  I personally choose to share snapshots of my life, whether the tough times or the triumphant times (sometimes those are one in the same).  Maybe it's too real for people.  I love the inspiring stories and videos, but I also believe I connect with people over social media in order to help facilitate better "in person" relationships, not to avoid them.  

This video recently on my FB feed seemed very appropriate and describes how I feel about social media (or anti-social media as they case may be).  Our experiences with social media will vary greatly just like our life experiences do.  I hope each of us can live life to the fullest and make sure that we always love the one we're with and not love our screens...they won't love you back.

What do I mean?

My Madelyn woke up this morning and stated that snow hated her and that it was meant for January, not MAY!  She very emphatically stated that she was ready for Summer; she's not alone in that sentiment.

Like one of my followers (and friends) said this morning, "It's May, time for @thepinkteapot to blog..."

I appreciate being missed.  I didn't realize it had been a month since I last posted, but it's been a crazy month with Spring break, family issues, and just LIFE.  

I am excited for the warm weather, for the pool to be opened (hopefully this week...sans snow), and for the kids to be out of school (although I don't know that I am as excited as they are).  

My next segment for KSL has to do with Summer and family.  I am curious and will be asking for input on my FB fan page.

I am dancing around a subject here, actually running away from it.  I find this blog to be cathartic in many ways and feel that this is a venue where I may share whatever I deem appropriate.  

I will not go into details for privacy's sake...but suffice it to say that I had a health scare with someone close to me.  My initial reaction (before going to be by their side in another state) was to post something simple on FB asking for prayers.  I believe in the power of prayer. 

Five minutes later I got a call from someone else close to this person (but with no greater say in caring for or nurturing this person) telling me to take down the post, it was too private and/or too soon to say anything.  I respect and love this person and did what was asked.  After, not very long after, I consulted my wise husband.  He told me that in this case, prayers and a general note was in order (and he's never on FB and is very private).  I felt the same way; power in numbers.  Blessings came from that five minutes and I believe this loved one was helped and blessed in part due to my gift of over-sharing. 

The part I resented was being told what I could and could not post on FB that directly affects my life.  Other people's business is other people's business- but this was mine.  I ended up asking the loved one who was ill if they had a problem with my post; they did not at all and appreciated the effort.

 Instead of being angry that perhaps some micromanaging had taken place (and some dominion that was unnecessary and inappropriate), I had allowed it.  

I shortly after that chose to assert myself and let that person know how I felt about things like that in general.  In this particular case, my FB rule still applies: if you wouldn't tell it to an acquaintance, don't tell it on FB.  This is something I would tell an acquaintance, and have, and since I'm the etiquette blogger (although not an expert)- I might know what I'm talking about sometimes.  I still have the right to be my own person and make my own decisions as an adult and be treated with respect.

Taking down that post was frustrating and I felt belittled and scolded.  I chose to feel that way.  No one can make me feel inferior without my consent; and I gave it.

In the end, I will remember to stand up for what I believe is right, regardless of what others may say or do; that's integrity and courage.  It's important to remind ourselves that we have those qualities or the potential to develop them as we strive to stand our ground.  We need not be aggressive, but being assertive is the right thing to do.  I have enough passive agressive people in my life...I won't be another one.

Are you LDS?

I was on Studio 5 this morning (I will link to the video when it becomes available) but was fascinated not only by the conversation that took place but by the comments afterward on Studio 5's Facebook page.  I was shocked to see how strongly people reacted for or against even talking about this, people saying "get over it", things like that.  

I wonder, if we don't care, why say anything at all?  The only topics I've ever commented on have been ones that I've actually had an opinion about.  The fact that there are comments means that it's something people feel differently about and have differing opinions on.  

My article for this segment was as follows:

Don't Assume:

Just because people live in Utah (or even in a city that is overwhelmingly LDS, don't assume the people you are speaking to are as well.

Don't be afraid:

Ask. Don't make it the first question that you ask after their name or an application they have to fill out to be a part of your life, but at some point in a conversation with someone new, ask them either if they are LDS or if they belong to an organized religion. If it doesn't come up in conversation, go back to rule #1.

Be careful with your words:

Most people have no idea what Mutual is, what a Ward is, or who a Stake President is, let alone all the other terms that may be unique to our religion. Be careful when speaking to people who are not of your faith that you don't use these words without explanation. I do believe this is a part of culture, not just a one day religion, so these words may naturally come up, but don't assume that the other person will know what you mean- so take the time to briefly explain- you might even have them respond with, "I know, I'm LDS" or " I know, I have Mormon friends" thus breaking the ice.

Be respectful and kind:

If the point of manners is to help those around us feel comfortable, then we must do all we can to make that happen. We should never pre-judge a person because they are or are not LDS. My children have friends who are LDS and friends who are not. They have good friends- period. Their friends have good families. Be careful not to exclude on the basis that someone believes different things than you do, whahetever side of the fence you may be on.

I don't think this applies to "Mormons" in Utah only.  This always applies.  I have found myself in as many situations traveling and outside of Utah using this advice as I have in this state (maybe more, in fact).  I find it so interesting that for a dull subject, or one that doesn't need to be spoken about, people have such strong words to share.  

I have never backed down from a conversation where my faith is questioned (in a hostile or a friendly manner), but misconceptions are the biggest enemy and if people don't think they are rampant...they need to open their eyes.  

I'm an open book.  Always have been, always will be.  But I don't believe in shoving my religion or beliefs down others throats.  I also don't believe in tip toeing around things.  I say things pretty much how they are (I say "pretty much" because I may choose a time that is appropriate or gage the temperature of my surroundings, but I think that's good manners no matter who you are or what you're talking about).  

Thank you Brooke, Darin, and Jane (and Chrissy) for allowing me the opportunity to speak my mind.  I have an opinion just like everyone else.  I am entitled to that.  The only thing that makes mine unique is that I come from the perspective of trying to help others feel comfortable in my presence as a presiding factor in how I behave; but anyone who knows me knows that this does not mean I will not stand up for my beliefs at all times, in all things, and in all places.

My two cents

Higher education

I feel that in my position as a full time mom-chauffeur-chef-maid-nurse-farmer-psychologist-lover-blogger-business partner-sister-daughter-friend, I have little time to enrich my formal education.  I usurp information where I can (dictionary.com when the words are too big) and that's about it.

I also enjoy the hundreds (literally) of emails that flood my inbox every day from various websites begging me to enjoy their last day of 30% off or letting me know how excited I should be to purchase a product I don't need for an exorbitant price and then get another product I don't need for free...makes sense (not! but I do it anyway sometimes...).  Among this sea of emails that I swim through every morning (mostly looking for human interaction from you), I look for one of my favorite daily snippets from LearnVest (small side note...not completely relevant but important I feel for me to let you know that I don't ever get paid for anything on this website...so all my links are just because I say so).  I love getting this daily newsletter because I can sign up for fun things like Princess Boot Camp (to kick my butt into gear and help me lose some of my negative shopping habits) and also learn about some of the dumb things I do with my $$.

The point today is that I'm sharing an article that I very much appreciated from them and I particularly enjoy the way in which they convey their information.  They are cheeky, accessible, and informational all in one website- fabulous!  This article is 10 Social Medial Blunders That Will Hurt Your Career.  I don't think anyone is immune to making mistakes so even if your career is like mine, take a few to read this and other articles, or better yet, sign up for their newsletter.  My wise hubby pretty perfectly already follows their advice...if only I did!

My two cents

Come on baby...

I am SO that person who when I see a post on Facebook that has the beginning of a song title in it, I immediately begin singing the rest of the song (in my head and car).  So as you can imagine, when I wrote the title to this post, all I could think of afterward was "...light my fire!"  So annoying sometimes that I can't remember what happened two weeks ago on Tuesday but I can remember all the verses to most of the hymns and countless lyrics to songs.  Useless most of the time but I guess it comes in handy when trying to think of titles for posts on my blog.

Anywho...Cord and I decided to jump outside our box and have an adventure.  We attended an educational dinner (initially I thought it was going to be more of a dinner club) at Communal (the most charming, funky, amazing, yummy restaurant) in Provo for those of you who live in Utah- it's a sustainable, environmentally conscience restaurant with up and coming chefs and thoughtful fresh dishes prepared in full or half courses in a quaint environment.  A must try for any date, ladies night, or meeting.

Wow I'm taking a long time to get to my point.  As we sat down for dinner, we had the opportunity to sit across the table from some amazing ladies and chat while we enjoyed our meal.  As we chatted I was reminded of the reason I wrote this blog in the first place.  We discussed why I started an etiquette blog and how I "knew so much about etiquette" which I still don't claim to be an expert at by any means.

It was refreshing to discuss this topic (among others) with strangers, listen to their opinions, and laugh over a good dinner.  As our ice cream melted atop our apple crustada, I reminisced about earlier days of publishing posts almost daily and how excited I was to get up in the morning to write to you...my readers.  Although I do believe there are times and seasons for all things, and I know this is not my season for daily posts, I do believe I still have valuable information to share.  I will make an effort to pour out my knowledge onto these digital pages and share what I think could be valuable.  I continue to enjoy the interaction I have with you via FB, Twitter, Pinterest (oh my, that's fun!) and especially via email.  Thank you for your loyalty.

That's my two cents.

A guide to using Facebook in a politically correct way

Over the past three plus years I have used Facebook as a way to reconnect with friends, keep in touch with people in my life, and share things that are personal to me in a convenient way; as well as to further my exposure to my blog.  I think most people would agree that Facebook makes things easy for you to share...but maybe too easy?

I did a segment a while back on Studio 5 that talked about "Facebook Etiquette" but in an ever-changing social media climate, things become obsolete very quickly, however, having good manners doesn't- which makes my job a little easier.

A few tips on "Facebook Etiquette" if we can call it that (WARNING- opinions follow- not rules):

• Be careful who you friend.  A vast majority of people out there have good intentions, but some don't, so have a guideline.  Mine is that I must have met them face to face and they must have been (or are currently) a part of my life somehow.  You don't have to accept every friend request you get- be selective.
• Everything can be shared.  Even with the best of intentions and privacy settings, if a friend chooses to share something that they have access to on your wall, you can't control it.  Bottom line is that you only have control over yourself.
• Be genuine but don't over share.  It's easy to write things on the end of a phone or computer when we don't have a physical audience of 600 people (or whatever your reach is on your FB profile).  When sharing something, be aware that people can see it, people can talk about it, people can (and probably will) judge it- it's just the way our society works (unfortunately to some degree).  There is nothing wrong with being genuine and sharing, but before you post- think to yourself, "is this an over share?"
• Pictures can be copied.  In my experience, this came back to me in a very real way (one that I got a great laugh out of though).  I had a friend print a pic of me from Facebook and use it in a white elephant gift exchange for a party I had.  It was cleverly done and one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen (helps that my husband's business partner was the one to open the photograph), however be aware that your photos can be downloaded and copied and you have no control over that once you've shared it.
• Remember that many businesses will look at your Facebook profile when considering whether to hire you or not.  If you've chosen to have business associates on your Facebook page then be aware that they have a peek into your life.
• Change is something to be aware of.  Facebook is always changing things, their newest change was to "Timeline" which I thought would be so great.  I could have a cover photo that was more unique and still have a profile pic that showed my face; but- I quickly realized that even with my privacy settings controlled to friends only, Facebook had allowed everything from the time I switched to it's new layout onward to be public- regardless of my settings.  Scary!
• To delete is permanent.  Again, being behind a computer screen or phone can give us courage that we wouldn't have in real life.  There are many reasons to delete people from our friend list, but be aware that they will know you've done it at some point or another most likely.  It's hurtful to the person who is deleted (having gone through it myself).  I've also been on the other end of deleting- but I try to be careful and have even apologized for it.  Like I said before, there are many valid reasons to remove people from your friend list, but think before acting.

It think that last point has been my main thought; THINK BEFORE ACTING.  It's all too easy to press a button and put something out there that isn't meant to be shared.  We can allow friends and family into our lives and experience the ups and downs with them- but use some restraint...please!  I've seen it happen to celebrities, business associates, and friends.  It's never too late to learn something new.