Help my best friend and her family

My best friend's husband was recently diagnosed with Lyme disease.  Not only is this close to my heart because I love this family, but my mother in law has Lyme disease and it has crippled her (physically, not emotionally thank goodness).  My mother in law has had Lyme for over 19 years and I've seen its devastating affects on it's victims first hand.  I plead with you to contribute whatever you can to help Jon get the treatment he needs that is not covered by insurance.  Many insurance companies consider anything other than antibiotics "alternative" and although I'm sure he will continue to be on antibiotics, it runs much deeper.  They have four amazing and beautiful children and Eddislynn (Ed) runs a million miles an hour trying to raise her family.  Any and all donations and well wishes are appreciated. 

Thank you my readers.  You're the best!

Janine

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Happy 200th Post!

I can't believe that this blog is 5 years old and I am now posting my 200th post!  I have shared many personal experiences as well as practical etiquette advice not only with you as a collective group, but have had so many wonderful personal experiences due to this blog.

I started this blog for me, to do have something all my own.  It's difficult to decide where I go from here.  Although it's an etiquette and manners blog, I feel that there is so much more to being a lady, a classy woman, than good manners.  j'adore fashion and all things elegant...but I can also shop at Target with the best of them!

"Cost and worth are very different things" quoted from one of my favorite movies "Confessions of a Shopaholic".  Probably because I can relate to Rebecca Bloomwood in SO many ways.

The world does feel better when I've just brought home bags of goodies, but then when I need a pick-me-up, I go shopping again.  I find it fascinating that in society, one who has the financial means to shop is considered eccentric, idolized, fun to watch.  But when there isn't the financial backing, it's a problem.  So interesting how society looks at those things.  I find it similar to eating...if you're thin you can eat whatever you want (if you have the disposition to not gain weight), but for those who do (I am one of them), we are looked at in a positive light as long as we stay thin, but if we gain weight, it's frowned upon and our eating habits are taken into question.

If we have a special flare for a particular thing, talent, whatever you want to call it; we will always have those who appreciate what we do and we will always have the haters, no matter how much we would like that not to be the case.

I have learned the following lessons, particularly in the last five years:

• You CANNOT control other people, you can only control yourself
• What others think about you is really none of your business
• The more success you have, the more people will not like you (true especially of women)
• Not everyone is going to like you
• Always follow the Golden Rule; it will not always work out how you would like, but at least you know you are treating others as you would want to be treated
• Forgiveness is within yourself, it has nothing to do with anybody else
• Sometimes the things that bother us the most about other people are because:  1.  We see those faults in ourselves 2. We have overcome those faults and it annoys us to see others not overcome them 3. We have had a bad experience with a particular trait that someone may possess and we have no trust or tolerance for their behavior  4. We are justifiably angry.  Often times the finger you are pointing at others needs to be turned right back around and pointed at yourself.
• I cannot and do not define myself by what my house looks like, my waist line, my children's hair,  or any other temporal thing, and have come to feel sad for those who do.  
• I have to be careful to not throw out the word "etiquette expert"(even though it's usually others who do that without my prompting) because it leaves me open for attack.
• I am not a self proclaimed anything...except a Daughter of God, a Wife to a truly amazing man, and a mother of four phenomenally talented and beautiful children.
• Success is not an external thing...and those who mistake that and brand their success with their "stuff" will just end up unhappy in the end; we must be joyful during our journey, not looking at the finish line.
• I've learned that I'm okay, and so is everybody else.  Not perfect, but okay, self assured, complete through Christ, at peace.

Those are all the things I can think of when I reflect back on this blog and the lessons I've learned from it specifically.  I have other life lessons I've learned but choose not to air any personal details (other than the ones I have shared in the past) because it's really only my business.  

I am grateful to all those who enjoy what I put out, whether in written form or on TV.  I am grateful that this blog has opened doors for me that I never thought would even be there.  I am excited for what has yet to come and hope that all of you will come along for the ride!

**oh, and I chose sunflowers because they are my favorite.  One of my favorite moments was stopping in a Sunflower field in the south of France and taking in the joy and glory of this wonderful flower that follows the sun; willing to bend and move in order to follow the light.  My aspiration.

My two cents

The message gets lost in the text...

I have posted almost 200 times and still have so much to learn.  It seems the more I learn, the less I know.  I had an interesting experience that I will vaguely share with you in hopes of saving you what my humanity cost me.

I texted someone in hopes of opening a dialogue.  It was a more serious text (faux pas #1- It should have been a phone call).  When I received a text back that was less than cordial, I responded with what I thought was a rational, non emotional text (faux pas #2- should have called or shouldn't have responded at all).  The final blow came when the incoming message was a personal (and professional) attack having little to do with my original message and quite frankly was very rude.  THEN I tried to call?!  Didn't work.  Too little. too late.  

I say over and over that I am not an etiquette or manners expert.  What is an expert?  The dictionary defines an expert as: a person who has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge of or skill in a particular area.   Well okay.  I have comprehensive knowledge in the particular area of etiquette and manners.  However, I am flawed, make mistakes and faux paus like everyone else;  except it seems I am judged more harshly because I am an "etiquette expert" or "etiquette blogger."  Does this make me perfect?

My conundrum is that although I made a poor choice (or three), I am still a human being.  We all are.  Human beings need to communicate with their voices using tone and inflection.  This is very difficult to do via text or email.  Never end anything or say anything important via written communication.  We do not live in the 1800's when this was the only form of communication available and interpretation was up to the reader.  We have beautiful technology that allows us to communicate with our actual voices!

I had an experience once where someone basically told me off via text (I guess this one makes 2) and it's gut wrenching to feel that this person cannot even speak to you on the phone and communicate.  Try to never perpetuate the "textversation"(oooh- I think I'm coining that).  If it seems that a written communication is getting heated, pick up the phone and call, or better yet, start out with a phone call.  

  I don't love everybody and not everybody loves me.  I am okay with that.  I haven't always been okay with that.  I am glad I am now.  I would feel badly however if others couldn't learn from my fortunes and mishaps.  

I'm grateful I'm flawed and mess up (and try to be real about it).  I'm grateful I have the opportunity to improve.  I'm grateful most of all to those of you who know my heart and would understand exactly what I meant through a text.  Those people are priceless to me.  Thank you for loving me unconditionally.  Conditional love is just a waste of time.

Think before you hit send.

Home party central

Utah seems to be a mecca for home parties...allowing for flexibility of women's hours and incomes as they strive to balance home, family, and income (whether primary or secondary).  Supporting these parties is (in effect) like helping to support the family, however there should never be any pressure and if any of you are like my husband...the more the pressure comes out, the less interested he is (he HATES a pushy salesman- excuse the yelling).  

We talked about it today on Studio 5 and I hope I given you some good suggestions.

I think the way that home parties (in my never-to-be-humble opinion) is that several vendors get together, staying there the entire time to represent their product.  They will have better attendance, a more casual environment, and you might be pleasantly surprised at the increased sales from that low pressure, conversing, environment giving ladies a chance to talk about the different products and shop...a mall of home parties all in one location- something for everyone!

I'm not saying I have the answer, but I think far more people would prefer one stop personal shopping than one stop- one genre of product shopping.  

My two cents

Another "Momism"

I'm grateful for the things my mother has taught me.  I often think about one of her other one-liners and it became particularly pertinent (I love alliteration) a few months ago.  Makes me think of a poem I learned in 8th grade History (Mr. Everrett). 

Procrastination is a crime, it only leads to sorrow

I can stop at anytime, I think I will tomorrow. 

Back to my subject- she says, "What good is going to come from this?" in reference to our pending actions or in thinking about what we are about to do.  I think it's a great way to gauge what we should and shouldn't be saying, doing, thinking.  


I had a long post written for this topic and after reviewing it, found it to be preachy and redundant.  The bottom line is- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  If it's hurtful and mean- stop it!  If it's just negative and rude- stop it!  There is just too much meanness, pride, hatefulness, idle gossip, judgment going on in the world...do we really need to be a part of it too?  


I am far from perfect and have done every one of these things I've mentioned.  I am constantly trying to do better and be better.  I feel that one of my strengths (as my mother who has known me for 34 years has pointed out- thanks mom) is that I don't have malicious intentions.  The things I do are NOT to climb socially, get others to like me, or to hurt others.  I do what I do (the good things at least) out of love- and the not-so-good things I do...mostly come from a lack of understanding or a weak moment.  


I often think of the scripture, "...he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7).  This was speaking about a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery and the law of Moses (was being fulfilled or changed when Christ was on the earth) but nonetheless required that she be stoned to death.  I love this story because I have found myself being like that woman.  Not worthy of forgiveness, but grateful for it.  The one thing I find repulsive though is insincerity.  If you don't mean it, don't say it, don't do it.  


How sad that we live in a world where we would rather step on someone-pushing them down- in order to get a leg up.  Is that really going to do us any good in the long run or is it (like my mom says) just going to leave a lot of dead bodies in our past.  


Something to think about.  Something I'm grateful to ponder and be better about.  Negativity (and even apathy) should have no place in our hearts.  That's not what we're here for.  


My two cents

You son of a gun!

In my teens, I had made myself a promise that I wasn't going to use swear words as a part of my vocabulary.  I remembered thinking that it dulled my senses, made me feel badly, and that it might appear to others that I didn't have the expansive vocabulary to properly express myself (which- lets face it- if you know me...I never have a shortage of words to use).  I kept that promise....until recently.

In the last year or so, I have found that when listening to people around me, it becomes difficult to shun those words from my mind...and once they're in your mind, it's not a far travel to your mouth.  My mom and dad used swear words when I was growing up- I never thought they didn't know how to communicate, this was just common place...but the bottom line is that your children will do what you do, not what you say.


My husband recently expressed (again) that he preferred I use my love of words to express my feelings, without using profanity.  I think that was a pivotal moment for me- I realized that no matter how justified I felt at the time, it made others around me (or had the potential of making others around me) uncomfortable.

I don't think this has anything to do with culture, religion, or creed.  I think it simply has to do with what is considered a swear word and as one wise woman in my neighborhood said, "if it goes in the toilet, it doesn't belong in your mouth." She specifically was referring to the word 'crap' and other words weren't an appropriate substitution for profanity in her opinion.

What I've learned is that I make mistakes (not a new lesson) but that people will love me anyway- however, I will gain more respect from those around me (or they may maintain their respect for me) if I  search my brain for the exact word that I want to use when expressing an opinion, frustration, joy, hurt, or any other emotion I might want to convey.

I did some research on this topic.  I will include a link here to some Op-Ed articles in the NY Times about profanity that are an interesting read.  I read several other papers and theories on this subject.  Many used the expletives within their article (counterproductive for my post) so I chose to leave the search to you.

My main point in writing this is to share that I truly believe, whether you have a friend who curses and you picked it up, our you just like to do it because...It does have an affect on those around you and can make others feel very uncomfortable; the ironic thing about my nasty little habit is that the person whom I had spent so much time with (who swore), was trying to stop, and by swearing myself, I was making that person uncomfortable.  I never imagined that their level of comfort (especially since they brought it around me) would be so contingent on my using appropriate language.  Side note:  They have never said this to me...it's just how I know they feel.

You never know how others view you...and I feel like what other people think about me is none of my business.  I mostly feel that way because I can't change anyone else, I can only change myself (and if they want to know who I really am, they can always ask).  I would never want to change anyone...whether you have a potty mouth or not, It's not my business.  My business is to let you know that it does affect how others perceive you and possibly their level of comfort in your presence.

Emily Post felt (well really Peggy Post feels) that one of the top 12 rudest behaviors include swearing in public, "Using four-letter words and other obscenities in public without any reservations- especially in the presence of children," ranks #2 on her 'Dirty Dozen: Today's Rudest Behaviors'.  I think it's interesting that people have felt for centuries that society has become more and more rude (by approximately 75% each time the poll was taken (I don't have an exact frequency but the first poll was in 1405).

Peggy also says, "Save your more colorful language for a private place."

My two cents

A woman of strength- Fancy Friday (or not so fancy)

I had a very touching and tender conversation the other day with a close friend, who's been there for me through a lot...and we've known each other for 8 years and change.  After our conversation (which always picks up where we last left off...the best kind), she sent me this email.  You may have seen it, but I think it is poignant and pertinent in my life as well as the lives of women in general.  I hope and strive to be a woman of strength.  Thank you Jenn.

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape…A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything …but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear…A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her …but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone…A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…a woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them…A strong woman walks sure footedly …but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls…A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face …but a woman of strength wears grace…A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey …but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong…

Tips for a Happy Turkey Day

We are all busy today either making dishes, traveling, or spending time with loved ones.  It's a time to be grateful for what we have.  In reflecting upon the things we do have, we can also be aware of how we can make those around us the happiest and be as considerate as possible during this busy holiday season.

-consider your dress.  If you are attending someone's home, step it up a notch, it shows respect for your host letting them know that you appreciate all the effort they went to on your behalf.

-Say thanks.  Of course we will all say this during the meal, after, many times perhaps.  But remembering to write a note, a text (if you must-at the least) or a phone call after the fact to let them know how much you appreciate all the work they went to, is so appreciated and thoughtful.

-Be punctual.  Arrive and leave on time.  When your host tells you the time to arrive, pay attention and respect it.  There is a reason they have told you that time and it shows respect to be punctual.  We all run into traffic, snags with family, work, etc.  But if you do, call to let them know you are running behind and that you will be there shortly.  Know when it's time to leave.  If you are staying at your hosts home, agree ahead of time when you will be leaving and don't overstay your welcome, no matter how badly your host begs...there's always next time.  It's better to be wanted than to overstay your welcome.

-Avoid awkward and painful topics- especially in families.  This isn't family therapy.  It's not the time to talk about how you wish mom hadn't worked when you were little.  It's a time to talk about what you're grateful for and leave your problems at the door with your coat.  Pick another time to talk about things that are heavy, group gatherings are not the time.

-Offer to help clean up.  Most of the time the host has gone to a lot of work to prepare; cleaning, cooking, etc.  Offer to pitch in and do some dishes.  Roll up your sleeves and dig in.

FOR THE HOST:

-Assign tasks.  Don't be afraid to ask people to bring something.  Or if you are cooking the meal yourself, have your guests help with taking coats, setting the table, lighting candles, last minute details.

-Leave distractions in your room or office.  This is not the time to text or have the game on.  Turn off the TV and FB.  Be the gracious host I know you can be and enjoy the guests you have invited over, sit down, be engaging, ask more questions and listen more than you talk.

-Be aware and flexible.  If you are inviting a larger group of people and someone says, "I would come but Jim is spending the holiday alone."- say, "well bring him with you!"  Be gracious, it never hurts to invite one more, but you will always regret not doing so.

-Say thank you.  Your guests if you look around, are your loved ones.  Thank them for taking the time and effort to come and share time with you and loving you.  Always thank them.

-Have a flexible menu.  You may have gluten free requests, people who want to bring things even when you have the entire menu planned.  Be prepared to allow for those things and don't be so stringent.  Accept all offers for special diet accommodations.


Above all the holidays are a time to celebrate, to forgive, to come together.  I personally am not one who likes to hold grudges, have arguments that I cannot resolve, or problems that I cannot fix.  I love the feeling of peace and joy that the holiday season brings knowing that I can come together with as many loved ones who will have me and celebrate all that we have to be grateful for.

I hope that this holiday season brings all of you the same peace and joy and I look forward to bringing you some more fun tidbits here and there as the months continue.

My two cents.

So many lessons to learn

I feel like in the last year I have been schooled!  I have learned so many different things, ranging from 'be careful who you allow to know anything about you- because some small piece of information can turn into a disaster' all the way to 'knowing how important my wonderful husband truly is to me and how important the covenants and promises are I made with him and God 15 years ago.'  


I am not going to get deep into the promises I made in my marriage today (much to your chagrin I'm sure) but I'd like to talk about the people we trust.  I wish in this case I was on iChat with all my Pink Teapot ladies and gents so that we could truly have a discussion about all the experiences you've had throughout your lives.  These are my pearls of wisdom for today.


At the beginning of these experiences, I was bitter and confused.  I thought that I had been so wronged, that no one deserved my trust again and I am the person who lets you run me over and then says, "please sir, may I have another?" So obviously these things really stung.  After some thought, a lot of prayer, and some serious reflection, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't want someone to shut me out and never give me another chance, even if I had done something intentionally malicious (which is not in my nature- but anything is possible I suppose).  


I had to go through the process of truly forgiving others unconditionally.  


Here's my point.  We can't change anyone else, we can only change ourselves, so in trying to become our best selves, let's forgive quickly (which also means letting go of whatever that person has done to you), move forward with a better perspective on who you would like around you in the future, and remember that not everyone is going to be your "bestie".  Trials always help us see other's true colors and during any trial that you might face, there are those who will be fence-sitters, those who will run for the hills for fear of worldly judgement, and those who will stand for what they believe is right and true (that's called integrity just in case you're wondering)- but those people are few and far between which is why my wise mother says that you can count your "real" friends on one, maybe two hands your entire life.  These are the people who will truly take the time to get to know who we are as people and then defend us when we're not there to do it for ourselves.  They don't care if you're rich or poor, skinny or fat, what your hair looks like under your hat, or what your house looks like behind that door you're trying to keep closed as you tell people you're busy and to come back later.  These are the people we can be real with- we can say, "come on in" when it's all falling apart because we know they will love us anyway and more because of it...never judge us.  


How does this tie into good manners?  I think that anyone who wants to have good manners should learn every bit of info I've just put on this page and master it, goodness knows I have a long way to go.  Good manners come from within.  We can fake it all day long but our sincerity or lack-thereof will always scream louder than what we are saying.


I love you my friends, you know who you are. 


That's my two cents.

Back by popular demand

I got a Facebook wall post today requesting that I start posting again- so here I am. I have resolved to do better even if I'm not feeling well physically, because 1. I can do this job in my PJ's and 2. I love you guys! I so enjoy my readership here and I am excited for what 2010 holds for The Pink Teapot.

Tonight I just want to write a small reminder about apologies. We had an incident today in our home (there are a lot of those with four ladies in the house) and this incident required an apology on the part of one of my children. I encouraged her to seek out the other individual, apologize, and then take the necessary steps to correct what she had done to the best of her ability (sometimes we can't fix what we've broken, darn it!)- She did take my advice and has gone the extra mile with notes intended and gifts planned.

My husband made a good comment that I thought I'd leave with you all: After I had suggested that she take some of her hard-earned babysitting money and buy a gift for the offended party, my lover said that we ought to be careful in buying gifts to say "I'm sorry" and expect that the gift is the apology, rather than the amended behavior or what have you. I thought it was a good point; although I love giving gifts for any reason, it's always good to remember that making things right is more important than flowers (but not chocolate- lets be clear).

I hope my girls learn the hard lessons the "easy way" if that's possible for them- I hate knowing that they are facing all of these tough situations, awkward pauses, curt smiles, back-biting, and all the other fun things that come along with becoming a woman. I can only hope that one piece of their moral armor that I place on their bodies every day is good manners.

Happy New Year everyone- it's gonna be fantastic!

Too Nice for her own good

These are some of my favorite emails...the ones that don't necessarily have a cut and dry answer. This particular situation has many different variables and so I put it out to you "Pink Teapotians"...what do you think?

"I have a neighbor who drops by unannounced in the evenings just to say "hello." Sometimes it happens at dinner or bath time. Sometime its just inconvenient because I'm trying to steal a minute for myself. I don't have the heart to be rude, but she drops by with her child and once my child sees who is at the door, I don't have much choice in acknowledging them. When I open the door, her child rushes in and then I have company, even if just for a few minutes.

I might say something like, "Oh I'm busy making dinner and doing laundry." And she might respond with, "we'll just stay a minute." I don't even invite her past the foyer, but even that doesn't seem to get through. Then, we have to pry the kids apart to send them on their way.

What do you recommend?

Signed,
Too Nice for Her own good"

We're all intelligent here. But this takes some thinking. What are the parties' personalities like? What are their needs? There is a basic infringement going on here. The person who is just "coming in" during dinner time or that special time of day is simply infringing upon this person's boundaries.

The one thing I will say is that if we will allow them, others will show us their boundaries. I want to hear from you!! I'm so excited to hear what you have to say to this person! I'm sure they are excited too!

That's too much info for a first date!

We were recently the hosts of an all adult dinner party at our home, a proud accomplishment with four little ones.  It was enchanting for me as I watched my husband truly delight in our guests' company (as did I of course).  You know who you are and since you read my blog and you know I'm going to mention this, you shall remain nameless!

One of our dear friends related an experience she had while attending an event where she knew no one well.  She felt uncomfortable at the level of intimate conversation going on, not necessarily because these ladies were being so rude, but perhaps (in my opinion) because they were not considering her feelings or thoughts being someone who was new to this particular situation and could in no way keep up with the inside jokes, the casual sarcasm, or the flagrant disregard for anything private (it seemed).  Now I'm not lecturing these ladies by any means, there is nothing like a great group of girlfriends, however, when one is invited to be part of that for a time, that group needs to be sensitive to that one new person's needs, instead of just thinking of their own needs as a group.  Someone should to stand up for the little person, the new girl, and it's you...the one reading my blog.

Here are a couple of things to think about:

• When in mixed (newer) company, there are topics to avoid:  Sex and bodily functions, other people, intense politics, religious differences, and child rearing techniques.  You could also add to that list-insistent opinions stated as facts about any topic.  I will never forget sticking my whole leg (if you will) in my mouth once when I didn't know a family well at all, and talking about how I thought an establishment could do a little better in this area or that, and it turned out they owned it, nice Janine, nice.  I learned my lesson-listen far more than you speak, ask questions about the new person; find out what they're interested in, who they are, where they're from.  Most likely you'll find you will have things in common.  If not, at least you made an earnest effort and tried your best.  If you truly lack for conversation, try The Box Girls they specialize in conversation boxes for different events in your lives, what a fabulous idea!
• Think of others, not only of yourself.  At times I find that I will talk about my life or doings (when asked) in order to avoid making others feel as though they have to open up, break the ice, someone has to do it!  This is an art; one I have not perfected.  You have to gauge who that person is, how much they like to converse, how comfortable they are talking on "the first date" and subsequent dates, and read their body language and facial expressions.  We went out with friends recently who wanted to know all about a particular topic; they were fascinated by it.  I happily delved into this particular topic, but that's where I tried to monitor (maybe not successfully) talking too much and getting too passionate about my subject versus satisfying them in their curiosity.  We're going out again soon, so I guess they've given me another chance to work on that "art".
• There's always a way out; in this I firmly believe.  You are never stuck and here are some tips that I shared with my dear friend- some light and comedic, some matter-of-fact, and some- to the point:  "That's way too much information for a first date", "Wow, is it that late?  it's past my bedtime!", "That image is going to be in my head all next week, I'm not sure how I feel about that" (all using comedy to lighten the situation but hopefully get your point across-especially when sex is brought up inappropriately).  Here is another post I did on gossip that gives some great tips on how to handle a crowd when gossip arises. "I have a date with a bubble bath and have to go, thank you for inviting me", "It's been such a long day ('already'-if during the day) I am going to go home and take a breather, thank you", "Sorry to jet out of here so early, but I have a million things to do (who doesn't), thanks for the invite", "You ladies were so kind to include me, it's so nice to see close friends all together.  I have to get going I have_______ to do, thank you" Here I've given you several one liners that tactfully get you out of a situation and allow you to leave.  Make sure you convey your thanks, no matter how saucy the gathering got, to the hostess, not forgetting your manners.

We just have to remember that relationships with women are some of the most enriching (or can be) experiences that we will have in this life, as they were meant to be.  They are not to replace our spousal relationships, or our relationships with our children (should that be your stage or choice of life), but there is nothing like a good group of girlfriends.  For me, most of my girlfriends are scattered all over the place, a sprinkling, if you will.  I adore that.  I have all kinds of close, adorable, sophisticated, loving, kind, women in my life who enrich me and lift me up.  They make me a better person and that's the whole point.  I like acquaintances, but I've learned the difference between a true friend, a passing friend, and an acquaintance, all of whom are valid and okay, just different.  I remember an email coming around saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and do you know what makes me most grateful?  That most of my girlfriends are there for a lifetime.  I love you all, you know who you are; thank you for enriching my life and making me a better person.  

That's what women are meant to do in your life, so if that's not what's happening, change it up, think about what you're attracting to yourself, and fix it, if needs be.  Make friendships a priority, it's a sad thing indeed when people don't have that in their lives.

Love to all, I'm heading out of town so have a glorious spring weekend!

if you can't say anything nice...

when in the company of someone or persons who begin to talk about another person, what do you do? Listen in? Add your thoughts?

The best thing we can do to detour this kind of behavior is to either re-direct the conversation politely, which is actually very easy to do (look below) or if you simply cannot, walk away...that's right...I give you permission to stand up or turn around and simply walk away.

I am certainly not perfect and have made mounds of mistakes in my life and continue to do so, I will also use the advice I give to better my life, which is one of the reasons I have this blog.

Picture this: You're at lunch with seven other women from your general area (work, neighborhood, building, play group, gym, whatever...) and the conversation casually turns to Freida, the friend who couldn't make it and everyone knows she's having marital problems let's say. One lady at your lunch tells details that she heard from another of Freida's friends whom you don't know...or you do know her, it doesn't really matter. Another of the ladies at lunch chimes in with how poorly her kids are doing in school because of the whole situation. It's really already gone too far. But, at this point, you step in, be brave, and say, "You know what? It might hurt Freida's feelings to know that we're discussing her without her being here, I'm sure she needs our support and comfort right now" PAUSE "You're all so nice to care about her situation so much...but I haven't heard a thing about how all of your are doing?" There it is, plain and simple. If that doesn't work or you get a look like you just walked in without clothes, simply excuse yourself and let the ladies know that you'll see them later and simply walk out with a smile.

Sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing, in fact, most of the time, the right thing isn't the easy thing, but it still needs to be done.