Fancy Friday: Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah?

Every year it becomes more and more complicated to wish someone glad tidings during this time of celebration for many cultures.  

I believe we must be sensitive to other's beliefs, however,  December 25th is Christmas for me and my family: a day to commemorate the birth of what Christians believe (as do I- being a Christian) was the day of Christ's birth on this earth; Christ being my Lord and Savior. 

Hanukkah is observed for eight nights and days, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, which may occur at any time from late November to late December in the Gregorian calendar.  the Menorah has many symbolic meanings to the Jewish culture that are beautiful and spiritual.

Kwanzaa is a week-long celebration held in the United States (and more recently, Canada). The celebration honors African heritage in African-American culture, and is observed from December 26 to January 1, culminating in a feast and gift-giving.  Much more is said about Kwanzaa here that is profound and meaningful.  

My point in writing this post is to point out that we too easily get offended when one person says to another (perhaps of different beliefs) Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays.  I do not wish to take CHRIST out of Christmas, the very opposite.  This is a time for my family that is very sacred to me, that I love and cherish every year.  

I do realize (for all of you out there reading my blog) that this is an etiquette and manners blog, which is precisely why I am writing it.  I think Emily Post herself would roll over in her grave.  At no such time was there a belief that having good manners meant rolling over and playing dead so someone could walk all over us.  I certainly am tired of doing that and refuse to allow it any further in my life.  Call a spade a spade and lets keep it moving!

The fact that the White House called the Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees" this year is insulting.  The very symbolism of the tree is for Christmas.  Have A Menorah, symbols for Kwanzaa, different symbols for different cultures, but why call them Holiday trees when they are clearly Christmas trees?  Does someone think they are not offending anyone by calling them holiday trees?  I'm sad.  The green nature of the tree represents evergreen- everlasting life- Christ.  Missing the point? 

I simply wonder if we must be so politically correct all the time?  Yes, we do need to help others feel comfortable.  But the other day I was speaking with my husband about a specific ethnic group of people and I couldn't even remember what the newest PC name was to refer to them by.  

We did we become such and offended culture?  One where perhaps when we are in the wrong, we seek fault in another to help ourselves feel better.  My hubs was telling me about a HS basketball game the other day where a team beat another by some extraordinary number (107-2) and people were angry with the winning team for poor sportsmanship. 

We are in an age of entitlement.  I found it, I keep it.  You deserved it.  It's all about me.  I deserve a trophy for showing up.  

I believe this sense of entitlement not only contributes to the moral decay of our society, but prevents people from learning how to treat others kindly, have good manners, and just plain be good members of society.  

Please, during this time of year...no matter what you do or don't believe in; there is a special feeling in the air.  Take time to reflect upon your actions, not the actions of others, and see how you can improve. Respect others and don't worry about being offended so much.  Be proud of what you believe in.  

I find it so sad that we live in a world where someone takes offense in how we greet them during this time of year.  Find joy in the fact that they have beliefs wish them well.  Faith is a blessing, not a curse.

Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Be kind, be charitable, be sincere.

My two cents.

Observations-Fancy Friday

As an etiquette blogger (and a lover of all things manners), I find myself more keenly aware of those around me;  Not in trying to be the manners police or make others feel badly, but just as an observer.
I like to point out when others around me use good manners, especially children.

I heard a 'thank you' the other day from someone who has a difficult time expressing that sentiment.  I was so excited to hear those two simple words, that I stopped, turned around, and said, "thank you for saying thank you-what nice manners".  I was so thrilled to have heard this and didn't expect to hear it again, but hoped I would.  In pointing out the good that others do, we reinforce positive behavior.  I am a believer that you'll find what you're looking for...so look for the good and you'll find it.

My two cents

A woman of strength- Fancy Friday (or not so fancy)

I had a very touching and tender conversation the other day with a close friend, who's been there for me through a lot...and we've known each other for 8 years and change.  After our conversation (which always picks up where we last left off...the best kind), she sent me this email.  You may have seen it, but I think it is poignant and pertinent in my life as well as the lives of women in general.  I hope and strive to be a woman of strength.  Thank you Jenn.

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape…A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything …but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear…A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her …but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone…A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…a woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them…A strong woman walks sure footedly …but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls…A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face …but a woman of strength wears grace…A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey …but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong…

Love letter to Pinterest-Fancy Friday

In jest the other day I wrote a small love letter to Pinterest on my Facebook page that was intended purely for my enjoyment.  I was 'invited' to Pinterest several months ago, accepted the invitation, then had no idea how on earth to use it...so I left it alone.  After one of our regular extended family functions, my sis-in-law was kind enough to offer up a tutorial since I had expressed my frustration with this site I didn't understand but wanted to.  She bounced into the computer room and began the tour of Pinterest.  It was overwhelming at first and I didn't fully understand what she was saying to me.  She kept telling me, "you'll get it the more you try it".  I just nodded my head and smiled...assured that I would, in fact, figure it out the way I've figured out computers, cell phones, social media, blogging, cooking...oh let's see...just about everything I do...all by myself, in due time...and enough to get by.

Well, I did figure it out, perhaps a little too well.  I find myself looking at my mobile app when I'm waiting for kids in the car, waiting in line, waiting in offices, waiting for meetings to start, waiting, waiting, waiting.  I have found, however that I do need to remember that some of this waiting time used to be "thinking" time.  Thinking time?  I don't know if I know exactly what that is anymore...but I am trying to reacquaint myself with the notion.

Long story longer...my whole point is that Pinterest has an Etiquette section.  It's simple and clean, just like their premise, I like that.  It's here if you would like to check it out.  I did and I appreciate what they had to say.  I never mind reading etiquette rules or suggestions anywhere.  I can always learn.

By the by...if you're interested- my love letter is below.

My two cents.

Dear Pinterest,

Even though I love you and my feelings for you grow stronger every time I see you, I feel that you are trying to monopolize my time. I'm just not okay with that. You don't respect that I have other things I want to get done...like make the cute crafts I see you flaunting or cook the yummy food you tease me with. I feel like our love affair has been such a whirlwind, Rachel introduces us, we go out on our first date, explore the world, peruse cuisine of all types, even pick out decor for our dream home. I will discuss it with my husband Pinterest...but I don't know if there is room in this relationship for all three of us- one of you two has to go...the question is...

Fancy Friday- the letters b and d

I don't want everyone thinking that this is Sesame Street and that we are going to sponsor the number 4 next.  I just had to tell you that something came back to me this last week and I thought that was Fancy!  I do classes or seminars that are geared toward the youth in helping them be better at dating with manners, dining with manners, and using technology with manners.  It's usually done in a dinner style and it's worked very well in the past.  The last occasion on which I had an opportunity to present my class, there were some adults there and it just so happened that a few of them owned their own businesses (successful ones at that).  I taught the class- geared at the youth- but I always hope that whatever I teach will benefit whomever attends.

About a week ago, one of those adults who also happened to be a business owner, came up to me and said, "hey, I used that 'B' and 'D' thing you taught us"- I was excited that he had occasion to use it and now I will explain it, as I have before here:

It is simply that your Bread plate will always be on your left as your left hand makes a 'b' and your Drink will always be on your right as your right hand makes a 'd'.  It's a simple trick to distinguish your drink or bread plate from that of the person sitting next to you, especially in a round table setting, or a long dining table like this:

I hope you find this refresher helpful and not too fancy.  I've found it helpful in many situations and it was so fantastic to hear back that the trick worked for someone else as well.

That's my two cents.

Fancy Friday: ...Oh Thank You!

There are not many things that make my day more (unless my tulips would hurry up and bloom)- than a hand-written note in the mail...addressed just to me!  Through all technology's changes tweets, twoits (sounds dirty), FB messages, email, whatever, I have to say, I love a hand-written note best.  I talk about all kinds of correspondence here in another post and how important "Thank you" is to me in this post, but I'd like to talk a little bit about sitting down and taking the time to actually do it.

Like most people, my mail consists of bills that I've already signed up to have emailed to me, lots of ads for the week telling me how cheap that "leather" couch is, and my Netflix (because my hubby is a stickler for getting those back and getting his 7.99 worth every month).  My mail carrier is kind enough to always put the exciting stuff on top.  He will always put hand written correspondence on the top of my pile making my trip to the mailbox soooo much more exciting (even though it's really DH who gets the mail because I loose half of it when I get distracted by the new Pottery Barn magazine).

My long, drawn out point is, this isn't fancy or difficult, it doesn't require extra funds or being part of the upper class, anyone can write a thank you note, and that is classy in my book.

• Thank someone for a wonderful lunch the other day, tell them how much fun you had chatting with them and you hope you can do it again soon.
• Let somebody know how much fun you had seeing them while visiting (insert city, state, country) on business or pleasure and you appreciated their hospitality while you did (insert something nice).
• Say thank you for a birthday gift that was dropped off to your house, because someone took the time to remember you on your special day.
• Send thank you notes for Christmas presents, letting that person know (or all those people know) how much you LOVE that tie!
• Write a note thanking your DH for the flowers he brought you home when you were having a bad day, and leave it taped on the mirror with a lipstick kiss next to it.

There are endless possibilities and reasons to write a note of gratitude, it's just a matter of sitting down and recognizing what we are grateful for and who has touched our lives this week.  It's never too late to write a note, although general etiquette says you have one year from your wedding to write a Thank You for your gift, I say three months is the max- after that we've all forgotten what we've done (wedding would be the exception).  

Let me say one more thing- something is always better than nothing.  If you can only text, tweet, or FB a  "Thank you" then so be it, I'm not going to come bonk you on the head with my etiquette wand.  acknowledgment is always better than leaving something unsaid.  So if you really can't sit down and write it out, use the blessing of technology and say it somehow.

Have a fabulous weekend- Those are my two cents!

Fancy Friday-lesson I learned

I appreciate all my readers being patient with me as I tried my hand at a giveaway.  I have been approached (attacked actually) by a gaggle of businesses wanting to do advertising on my blog, giveaways, etc.  I have been hesitant and have not known how to handle this; not because of a lack of business sense, but because I'm dealing with an etiquette blog, not a blog I chose to create for financial gain.

I was amazed to see (through site analytics) that my readers did in fact respond to the giveaway and came to my blog to see what all the fuss was about (the first two days), but not a lot of people were either excited about what I was giving away (understandable, it's a practical item, not a pedicure), or interested (because it's not why they come here in the first place).  

So I put it to you.  Yes, I got some responses.  But my readership is quite large, I expected well over 300 comments easily for this giveaway, if not more and I felt like that was a fair estimate.  I have over that come to my blog every day.  I had a hand full of people leave comments so...was it what I gave away or was it the fact that The Pink Teapot, an Etiquette Blog, threw it's readership for a loop and gave away something. 

I realize more and more as I get private emails every day that I have a readership who likes to ask me questions privately, like a private "Dear Abbie for etiquette" type thing, so I don't expect that I will get 100 comments about this either, but I have anonymous comments ladies (and gentlemen) for a reason, or you can email me as you always do!  Be honest, tell me your opinion.  I write this blog for you, my readers.  I always want to improve upon what I'm doing here and make this blog what you want to come and read several times a week (when I'm doing a good job keeping on top of writing).

Happy Friday everybody!

Fancy Friday-our Flag

The Flag Code, which formalizes and unifies the traditional ways in which we give respect to the flag, also contains specific instructions on how the flag is not to be used. They are:

The flag should never be dipped to any person or thing. It is flown upside down only as a distress signal.
The flag should not be used as a drapery, or for covering a speakers desk, draping a platform, or for any decoration in general. Bunting of blue, white and red stripes is available for these purposes. The blue stripe of the bunting should be on the top.
The flag should never be used for any advertising purpose. It should not be embroidered, printed or otherwise impressed on such articles as cushions, handkerchiefs, napkins, boxes, or anything intended to be discarded after temporary use. Advertising signs should not be attached to the staff or halyard
The flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag patch may be used on the uniform of military personnel, fireman, policeman and members of patriotic organizations.
The flag should never have placed on it, or attached to it, any mark, insignia, letter, word, number, figure, or drawing of any kind.
The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, carrying, or delivering anything.

I got all this information US Flag.org there is more information available here in regards to the flag and how to treat it.  

PDA...not your mother's palm pilot-Early Fancy Friday

Amanda Gamble from All Experts.com has given some great advice on public displays of affection. Now, before I give you an excerpt from her article, I want to state for the record that I have been head over heels in love with my husband for thirteen years and that we are caught (mostly by our children) stealing a smooch in public every now and again, it keeps it exciting and romantic. This, however, is not what I am referring to. I am referring to making others feel uncomfortable in your presence. I hold hands, we put our arms around each other, we're more in love today than we were thirteen years ago, but we certainly (I would hope) control ourselves and have always tried to act appropriately. Amanda said, "Good manners dictate that you be very considerate of those around you and try to make them feel as comfortable as possible. So therefore, enthusiastic PD of A are....not acceptable."

She hit the nail on the head in my opinion. Again, as I always say, good manners are there to help others feel more comfortable in our presence, and how could they possibly do that with us all over another person? Here is the letter written to her and her response in it's entirety.

On another note, please help me climb up on my soap box....thank you. I was watching a program the other day and was shocked as a well mannered woman behaved in a way that I considered less than....well mannered. We all have our pitfalls, we all have our challenges, but this was absolutely it for me. Let me just say, it is not our place ladies and gentlemen, to be correcting others on their behavior. It is our place to learn good manners and etiquette and live that to the best of our ability, but the epitome of bad manners is to appear to have good manners and etiquette and then go on to correct others around you, especially on a constant basis. No one is perfect, so we should be very careful. I have said many times that I write this blog as much for myself as I write it for each one of you. Okay....I'm climbing back down now. I need to get a real soap box so I can actually stand on it while I write these!

My 100th Post- Spa Etiquette-the Fanciest Friday yet!

Going to the spa can be a luxurious and wonderful experience, but it can also be a little scary and intimidating if you don't know what to expect or if you are surprised by something you don't expect to see.

I found a lot of good advice on Spavelous.com and although it's still a little shock for me to walk into the women's spa area and find a woman completely naked in the hot tub, apparently, it's up to the spa's individual etiquette and rules and your comfort level, but ladies...if we can wear a suit in the tub, please do. When in the sauna, it's understandable that you would only want a clean towel on, and in other areas, please use the robes and slippers provided. You'd be surprised what can be passed along (disease wise) when you don't wear the proper foot wear so make sure you're going to a reputable place that cleans its equipment properly, it's okay to ask. Never shower without footwear, that's not okay. If there are only locker rooms and no private dressing rooms, you may either choose to dress under your robe, dis-robe and dress right there, or pick a bathroom stall and take your clothing along. Check out that link above for a complete list of things to remember and think about...and remember, it's not selfish to take care of yourself. We made it to 100 posts together!

Fancy Fridays: Titles

Here is an email from a reader:

"About 6 or 7 years ago, my friend called to tell me that she was going to expect her daughter (and her other kids) to address me as Mrs. Smith, rather than Kate. She wanted to let me know so that if her daughter called me Kate, I could gently correct/remind her to call me Mrs. Smith. I thought that was such a great idea that I began to implement that with my children as well.

Today when my daughter came home from playing with a friend, she told me that her friend said she can call adults the same thing that her mother calls them - not using a proper title. I said, "Well, that is there choice, but you know the rule in our family." When I talk to my friends and neighbors, I call them by their first names, but when I speak to my children about other adults, I use Mr. or Mrs. My kids are in that habit and I think it is important etiquette to show respect to adults. I even correct other children when they call me Kate - it actually kind of shocks me when they do!"

Titles are important and we should be teaching our children at home. I think that it's important that the teaching come from us, the parents, because that's what our children will remember. My son's friend may be afraid of me if I remind him to call me Mrs. Smith, but if I'm reminding my son to call his friends' moms by their proper titles, it doesn't matter how often they ask him to call them by their first name, he goes on calling them by their proper title as a sign of respect. My kids and I have not had formal discussions about this at all, but I notice that we have a neighbor who announces herself by her first name when talking to the children and they still call her Mrs. ABC...it's just habit, that's all it is.

There are exceptions to this rule. I have very close friends whose children are more like my kids or my nieces and nephews who call me a special nick name and not only do I not mind it, I welcome it..but that's special and not for everyone. In intimate circumstances I think you can change the "rules" but in general, our children need to remember to respect our elders and that's a good start. If they can't remember Mr. or Mrs. whatever...start with a generic Ma'am or Sir.

Fancy (not so much) Friday

I am going to climb back up on that soap box...I hope I don't offend anyone. I was dining with my husband last night and we were in a restaurant where you stand in line, create your food, pay for it, and finally take it to your table. My husband was kind enough to ask a friend that we were meeting later if he would like something to eat. As luck would have it, my husband got in line behind 12, yes 12 women who were together. They couldn't decide what they wanted and were talking amoungst themselves and looking at the menu. Now, you probably know what I'm going to say...

I think that when you are deciding on your food (in person, not possible in the car) at a restaurant where you stand in line...you should allow the person behind you to go ahead and order. It is simple, you say something like, "Do you know what you want?" (they say yes) "Go ahead of us, we're still deciding."

I believe that good old fashioned manners and courtesy have flown out of some peoples' heads. They are concerned with themselves and only themselves. When you are in line at the market, if the person behind you has 6 items and you have a basket (or even half a basket) allow them to go ahead of you unless you are in a tremendous hurry (usually we can spare 3 extra minutes)...you never know if the person behind you is in a big hurry. What if those six items were fever relievers or the rest of a dinner they are picking up to bring to a sick friend. You never know, so please don't assume you're the only one with a day ahead of them, or with places to go.

If we use our common sense and remember the "golden rule" of etiquette (treat others as you would want to be treated) we will never fail (personally). That doesn't mean we'll always be treated the way we wish to be, but we never have to wonder if we've done all we can.

I'll climb back down now, it's just something that caught me by surprise actually. The end of the story is what you would expect. The women took fifteen minutes to decide what they wanted...and my sweet patient husband stood silently behind them (as he should have) and waited his turn. We were late to a meeting as a result...but I did point out to my sweet husband that if he had called his friend when we were in line ordering for ourselves because he thought about whether or not our friend had the time to eat previously, we would have never been in that situation...just some food for thought. Happy Friday!

Fancy (French) Fridays

Here's a little Français etiquette...

Friends may greet each other by lightly kissing on the cheeks, once on the left cheek and once on the right cheek (that's their left...not yours).

First names are reserved for family and close friends. Wait until invited before using someone's first name.

You are expected to say 'bonjour' or 'bonsoir' (good morning and good evening) with the title 'Monsieur' or 'Madame' when entering a shop and 'au revoir' (good-bye) when leaving.

If you live in an apartment building, it is polite to greet your neighbors with the same appellation.

When going into any establishment, it is presumptuous to assume that the person inside speaks English, although a majority of French do...so start by saying something like, "Je parle seulement un petit français parce que je suis l'américain" (I only speak a little french because I'm an American). This lets them know that you have made the effort to speak their language and the French will appreciate that.

There are countries where they don't mind it if you walk up to them and start speaking English, in fact, they are proud of the fact that you know that they are educated in English, but France is not one of them.

Fancy Fridays

As we are planning to visit Japan in the near future for business, I thought it fitting to discuss some business card "do's and don'ts" in Japan.

Like the Chinese, Japanese treat business cards with respect. You will be well advised to avoid typical American brashness in this area if you wish to seal the deal. You should also hand out double-sided business cards in Japan. Here are a few more pointers:

- When you receive and give business cards, you have to do so with both hands and slightly bow while doing it.

- Like in China, make sure that you present the card with its Japanese side showing up so that the recipient can read it immediately, without need of turning the card around.

- You have to study the cards, make a mental note of the names, and then you can put away in your business card holders. Or better yet, lay all the cards on the table so that you can distinguish who's who, especially during a first meeting.

Just remember all these and you will be fine in both Asian and American environments.

Fancy Fridays

Legend has it, the word "tip" itself came years ago from a pub owner who used the acronym on a box "To Insure Promptness." In that spirit, tipping should be thought of first and foremost as a reward for prompt and attentive service.

Fancy Fridays

When flags from two or more different countries are displayed, the flag of the host country should fly above all other flags: True or false?

False. all flags from different countries, including the host country, should be flown at the same height.

Fancy Fridays

Today I'm keeping it short, it's my birthday tomorrow and I'm leaving town today. Do you know the difference between etiquette and protocol? Etiquette refers to informal rules and Protocol refers to formal rules of behavior...interesting little tidbit right?

Better late than monday!

Today was a busy day and I'm a little later than usual in writing, I apologize for that. Knowing that I was going to post today made me a little more observant yesterday as I flew. Here are some things that I think we should consider:

• We should all try to get to our seats quickly, and be respectful of the fact that there is usually a line behind us of people also trying to get to their seats.
• I am a very social person, but when someone is reading or sleeping, the conversation should end; don't try to continue to carry on a conversation if the other person is clearly not interested.
• It's just fine to make small conversation but you don't want to monopolize their whole flight; take cues, be observant.
• If you have a cough or cold, or just swallow something wrong but are continuously coughing, excuse yourself to the restroom if you are able; if you cannot get up from your seat, use your elbow (crook of elbow) to cover your mouth...please!!

I think the biggest thing that I noticed yesterday is what a hurry most people are in to get their baggage. Try to look around and see if someone is behind you (if you are right by the baggage carousel) and make room...there's no fire and your bags aren't going anywhere. I do understand that people have appointments, meetings, anxious family...but as I tried to retrieve my bag yesterday, people simply would not scoot over for ten seconds so I could get my bag...that, in my opinion, is just uncalled for. Again, be observant and think of others! Have a great weekend!

Fancy Fridays- how many untensils can you have?

Today my "fancy Friday" is about fancy place settings. We've talked about every day settings, but did you know that you can have up to three forks, three spoons, two knives, three plates, four glasses (three technically + one cup and saucer)...this can be confusing. You can click on the link below to enlarge it and see exactly what each utensil and dish is for! Happy Friday!

Fancy Fridays

I thought it would be fun to incorporate some "extra" tidbits about etiquette on Fridays. So today, our Fancy Friday tip is:

Shoes are not worn inside Japanese houses or temples. There will be an assortment of slippers for guests to choose from. Leave your shoes (toes pointing towards the exit) at the designated spot and enter the main room. (picture for artistic value only)

Don’t get confused by what Japanese mean by “yes”. “Yes” (hai) does not translate to “Yes, I agree with you,” or “Yes that is what I am going to do.” More often it means, “Yes, I hear what you are saying.” This can lead to confusion.