Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Do visuals help?

This is the best article from iVillage that I had to share- explains perfectly how I feel, that it's just a matter of common sense.

Not to get graphic here, but people still don't seem to get what I'm saying so I'm going to lay it out as simply as I possibly can- in pictures:


I find this to be perfectly acceptable.  I personally would throw a burp cloth or something over myself, but that's ME, and I have that right.  But there is nothing wrong with this picture except the guy giving her an odd look, and in that case he can move, she isn't doing anything to make him feel uncomfortable because she's covered in my opinion.


Not so much.  If she were secluded in her backyard, absolutely, if she were in a park with other families, nope.  I think it's not ok for her to bare her fully naked breast, she could have left a couple buttons done, or used a blanket even on the other shoulder away from her baby to shield herself or others to help make the situation a little more comfortable.  

Now, I'm not a lactation specialist, never have I claimed to be an Etiquette "expert" just an etiquette blogger who likes good manners, although I fail at times, I try my hardest and do know both what it's like to be mom of young children and now a mother of teenagers- think about that when you go to attack...how are these babies you are so quick to protect going to feel about seeing other women bare their breasts when their hormones are raging?  Just think, maybe don't jump to conclusions until you're there.

13 comments:

Melissa said...

You said that women not covering up was "the biggest faux pas". In my five years of breastfeeding I have only once seen a woman like the one in your picture at an outdoor concert. But according to you, women like this are everywhere. Telling women to cover up is damaging because it makes normal breastfeeding women (like the one in the first picture) feel indecent and immodest. The amount of back-peddling you are having to do should really tell you something.

Missy in SLC

Janine said...

Melissa- I don't back peddle. I more clearly defined what I thought because the interview that I did with Brooke was 5-7 minutes long and it was cut to 1:30. Like I said, Just think, maybe don't jump to conclusions until you're there, and it sounds like with five years under your belt, you're not. Nowhere did I say that women who didn't cover up were not "normal" and if you took the time to read other posts from my blog that I've written for the last three years, you'd notice that I always take the time to clarify, respond, and interact with my readers.

Janine said...

...oh and I never said they were everywhere or that the woman in the first picture should need to cover up any further or that she was indecent or immodest- for goodness sakes, stop putting words in my mouth!

Melissa said...

Your words "The biggest faux pas". How is this so if we are not seeing it everywhere?

And I know all about the way the media uses footage as I am the mother who appears in the footage of the Breastfeeding Cafe (whose message is "Breastfeeding is Normal" not "Breastfeeding women should cover". Had I known it would be used in this story I would have never agreed to be filmed.

Janine said...

If you are referring to the footage where the slings are being used, I thought that was very tastefully done (as far as coverage goes)- not that you value my opinion, and I had no decision in what footage was used, just so you know.

What I meant by "the biggest faux pas", was that we were talking about several breastfeeding tips, so you didn't get to hear what I talked about. I don't "blame the editing" or KSL for anything, I own what I said. I think we live in a society where people don't think about others and only worry about their own comfort and that's why we have this society where people think it's okay to bare it all and that it's no different than a woman in a bikini or tv- well I don't like my child seeing those things either- don't you understand that I want what's best for my family also? I beg you to wait until you have the wisdom of a mother who has teenage sons (if you have a boy) and then revisit this topic, you will feel differently, I assure you, if you don't now.

I think what you showed in your footage was completely normal, natural, and wonderful and I have no problem with that- I owned a sling with my last two- it was fantastic- I wished they had made them with my older ones.

Melissa said...

In the breastfeeding advocacy community, which I am a part of, many women do have teenage sons or adult children. And all of them agree that there is no better way to desexualize the breast than to see it used in a biologically normal way. I can't imagine a better way to raise our children than to see mothers and children acting normally. Suggesting we hide breastfeeding under a cover suggests that there is something sensational or indecent about it, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Janine said...

Good luck telling society and getting them to agree with you that breasts aren't sexual- or reprograming every teenage boy or grown man's mind that breasts aren't sexual. I guess they're always going to be "multipurpose"- we are probably going to have to agree to disagree.

Melissa said...

Indeed. Agree to disagree, respectfully.

And, yes, breasts are and probably always will be (in our culture) sexual. I guess I would argue that we should error on the side of making mothers and children comfortable. If a man (young or adult) finds a breastfeeding woman sexual... well, so what? It doesn't make them turn into primal animals who can't control themselves. Best to acknowledge the feelings and move on, letting mother and child nurse in peace.

Rita said...

Ladies I guess you would have had to be there. The reception seating was close and this gal looked like the second picture we see. She was turned talking to him so he could not turn away. His wife was next to him and not happy. The breast feeding gal was smiling and giving him big eyes while she fed her baby and rearranged her nipple. There was nothing to say except to let her feed the baby the way she intended to. The power she had in doing that was felt all around our area. I'm sure no one feels the same about her. We all liked her and wanted her to breast feed her baby just not so publicly and with the wrong intentions.

Melissa said...

So... you have one bad experience with a breastfeeding woman in Maui - and that is a good reason to go on the largest news station in Utah and tell women to cover up? Sorry - don't agree at all. Completely inappropriate.

Janine said...

I guess we all have our definitions of what's appropriate- attacking other women for their beliefs wouldn't be high on my list of "appropriate". A suggestion for people to cover their breasts isn't going to MAKE anyone do anything- it's just good manners- and that's that. You can do whatever you want.

Melissa said...

I would love for you to show me where I "attacked" you or Rita for your beliefs. If I did, I apologize. At least I didn't do it on the news! :)

I don't really care for manners when they interfere with the comfort of moms and babies. But, whatever! I'm done.

Jennifer and Jason Young said...

Thank you for sharing your suggestions on how to make people around us more comfortable! I am going to be nursing my 5th child this year. It is so classy and tasteful to be courteous of other peoples feelings. I love your definition of manners that it is about making other people feel comfortable and because of that when I am nursing my child in front of others I think using a cover up is a great idea. Thank you for sharing your helpful ideas on such controversial ideas. It definitely brings to light the lack of manners so clearly apparent in our society. I fall short many times and hope that I can get it right eventually!

 
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