The Pink Teapot- A guide to Etiquette

A guide to using Facebook in a politically correct way

2012-01-01T10:41:00.001-07:00

Over the past three plus years I have used Facebook as a way to reconnect with friends, keep in touch with people in my life, and share things that are personal to me in a convenient way; as well as to further my exposure to my blog. I think most people would agree that Facebook makes things easy for you to share...but maybe too easy?

I did a segment a while back on Studio 5 that talked about "Facebook Etiquette" but in an ever-changing social media climate, things become obsolete very quickly, however, having good manners doesn't- which makes my job a little easier.

A few tips on "Facebook Etiquette" if we can call it that (WARNING- opinions follow- not rules):

Be careful who you friend. A vast majority of people out there have good intentions, but some don't, so have a guideline. Mine is that I must have met them face to face and they must have been (or are currently) a part of my life somehow. You don't have to accept every friend request you get- be selective.
Everything can be shared. Even with the best of intentions and privacy settings, if a friend chooses to share something that they have access to on your wall, you can't control it. Bottom line is that you only have control over yourself.
Be genuine but don't over share. It's easy to write things on the end of a phone or computer when we don't have a physical audience of 600 people (or whatever your reach is on your FB profile). When sharing something, be aware that people can see it, people can talk about it, people can (and probably will) judge it- it's just the way our society works (unfortunately to some degree). There is nothing wrong with being genuine and sharing, but before you post- think to yourself, "is this an over share?"
Pictures can be copied. In my experience, this came back to me in a very real way (one that I got a great laugh out of though). I had a friend print a pic of me from Facebook and use it in a white elephant gift exchange for a party I had. It was cleverly done and one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen (helps that my husband's business partner was the one to open the photograph), however be aware that your photos can be downloaded and copied and you have no control over that once you've shared it.
Remember that many businesses will look at your Facebook profile when considering whether to hire you or not. If you've chosen to have business associates on your Facebook page then be aware that they have a peek into your life.
Change is something to be aware of. Facebook is always changing things, their newest change was to "Timeline" which I thought would be so great. I could have a cover photo that was more unique and still have a profile pic that showed my face; but- I quickly realized that even with my privacy settings controlled to friends only, Facebook had allowed everything from the time I switched to it's new layout onward to be public- regardless of my settings. Scary!
To delete is permanent. Again, being behind a computer screen or phone can give us courage that we wouldn't have in real life. There are many reasons to delete people from our friend list, but be aware that they will know you've done it at some point or another most likely. It's hurtful to the person who is deleted (having gone through it myself). I've also been on the other end of deleting- but I try to be careful and have even apologized for it. Like I said before, there are many valid reasons to remove people from your friend list, but think before acting.

It think that last point has been my main thought; THINK BEFORE ACTING. It's all too easy to press a button and put something out there that isn't meant to be shared. We can allow friends and family into our lives and experience the ups and downs with them- but use some restraint...please! I've seen it happen to celebrities, business associates, and friends. It's never too late to learn something new.

Tips for a Happy Turkey Day

2011-11-23T17:03:00.001-07:00

We are all busy today either making dishes, traveling, or spending time with loved ones. It's a time to be grateful for what we have. In reflecting upon the things we do have, we can also be aware of how we can make those around us the happiest and be as considerate as possible during this busy holiday season.

-consider your dress. If you are attending someone's home, step it up a notch, it shows respect for your host letting them know that you appreciate all the effort they went to on your behalf.

-Say thanks. Of course we will all say this during the meal, after, many times perhaps. But remembering to write a note, a text (if you must-at the least) or a phone call after the fact to let them know how much you appreciate all the work they went to, is so appreciated and thoughtful.

-Be punctual. Arrive and leave on time. When your host tells you the time to arrive, pay attention and respect it. There is a reason they have told you that time and it shows respect to be punctual. We all run into traffic, snags with family, work, etc. But if you do, call to let them know you are running behind and that you will be there shortly. Know when it's time to leave. If you are staying at your hosts home, agree ahead of time when you will be leaving and don't overstay your welcome, no matter how badly your host begs...there's always next time. It's better to be wanted than to overstay your welcome.

-Avoid awkward and painful topics- especially in families. This isn't family therapy. It's not the time to talk about how you wish mom hadn't worked when you were little. It's a time to talk about what you're grateful for and leave your problems at the door with your coat. Pick another time to talk about things that are heavy, group gatherings are not the time.

-Offer to help clean up. Most of the time the host has gone to a lot of work to prepare; cleaning, cooking, etc. Offer to pitch in and do some dishes. Roll up your sleeves and dig in.

FOR THE HOST:

-Assign tasks. Don't be afraid to ask people to bring something. Or if you are cooking the meal yourself, have your guests help with taking coats, setting the table, lighting candles, last minute details.

-Leave distractions in your room or office. This is not the time to text or have the game on. Turn off the TV and FB. Be the gracious host I know you can be and enjoy the guests you have invited over, sit down, be engaging, ask more questions and listen more than you talk.

-Be aware and flexible. If you are inviting a larger group of people and someone says, "I would come but Jim is spending the holiday alone."- say, "well bring him with you!" Be gracious, it never hurts to invite one more, but you will always regret not doing so.

-Say thank you. Your guests if you look around, are your loved ones. Thank them for taking the time and effort to come and share time with you and loving you. Always thank them.

-Have a flexible menu. You may have gluten free requests, people who want to bring things even when you have the entire menu planned. Be prepared to allow for those things and don't be so stringent. Accept all offers for special diet accommodations.

Above all the holidays are a time to celebrate, to forgive, to come together. I personally am not one who likes to hold grudges, have arguments that I cannot resolve, or problems that I cannot fix. I love the feeling of peace and joy that the holiday season brings knowing that I can come together with as many loved ones who will have me and celebrate all that we have to be grateful for.

I hope that this holiday season brings all of you the same peace and joy and I look forward to bringing you some more fun tidbits here and there as the months continue.

My two cents.

Are good manners passé?

2011-11-01T12:11:00.000-06:00

I came across the most fascinating article this morning in the NY Times that discusses a case where two gentlemen were sitting in a bar and two ladies were standing (no seats available). The employees asked the gentlemen to give up their seats to the ladies and one of the men was upset about being asked to give up his seat to a woman and took the case to court. I would love for you to read this article...but I am curious as to your views on this subject.

The article goes into further speculation as to why manners could be on the decline. Family dinners are less frequent, our world is more fast-paced, manners are insincere, etc. I found these arguments to be most intriguing as my philosophy has always been that good manners can make others feel comfortable (when I'm doing it right-which I don't always accomplish) and don't alienate others or come across as insincere.

I do believe that teaching the next generation good manners and etiquette comes more from an example than from what we preach. As most parents can attest, our children learn best from our actions and mimic what we do, not what we say we will do. I personally think that we do live in a disrespectful world where manners and good taste have become eroded, where Beavis and Butthead have made a comeback by popular demand? Seriously? If that is any indication of the level of taste or class that we are accepting into our homes, then yes, I can see how manners would take a back seat in homes very quickly and respect would fly right out the window.

In a world where Sponge Bob rules (not that he hasn't gotten a giggle out of me...) it doesn't surprise me that our children speak disrespectfully to us and that we aren't too terribly shocked by it, or are even amused by it (although we have to take things with a grain of salt or else we'd go nuts as parents- I DO have a sense of humor people).

I guess my point is that I don't believe that manners come and go like the tide. I believe they are like values. I believe they are a constant in a person's life and make up part of their integrity. Some of the comments in the article suggest that manners can be surface, and perhaps sometimes, holding back a comment or not honking the horn could be seen as "not being yourself" which is drilled into our heads that we must do in todays society to find our happiness, but what about self control? What about restraint? When do we learn those things? Consideration for others? I submit that these are crucial lessons that our future generation must learn and must learn early if they are to be successful and truly joyful.

Beautiful flowers

2011-09-19T11:28:00.000-06:00

As I have been in charge of funeral flowers for my Grandfather's funeral, I have learned a few things that I thought I would pass along that you might find helpful. If you have information that you'd like to add, please feel free to add your thoughts and tips.

In our preparations, we have found a florist who has not only been helpful, but pleasant to work with and so friendly and knowledgeable. Things that are all needed during this time. I would highly recommend them and I can't wait to find occasion to use them again. They have been proactive in contacting me and have thought of every last detail. So lovely to work with The Painted Daisy in Highland, Utah.

Funeral Flowers - Is it an expected part of funeral etiquette to send flowers?
First check the bereavement and funeral notice in the newspaper or phone the funeral home. Many people request donations should be made in lieu of flowers, you should respect their wishes.

However, if there are no such requests, flowers can be a great comfort to the family. If the deceased was very popular or well known, too many flowers can be overwhelming. You need to exercise your own judgment here. A card or a phone call of empathy is often a thoughtful and welcome gesture.

Funeral Flower Etiquette - flowers for a traditional funeral:

1. Wreaths and sprays should only be sent to the funeral home and never the deceased person's home.
2. Placing flowers on the casket is a privilege and tradition reserved for the family of the loved one.
3. If sending flowers to the family home, go with an arrangement that comes with a self-contained water vessel. This will save them the hassle of fussing over and maintaining the flowers in a time of grieving where such small tasks may get overlooked.
4. If you are unsure about what color funeral to send, then stick with pastels, as they are a soft safe option.

Funeral Flower Etiquette for different religions and customs
There are different protocols observed for each religion and faith. They are as follows:
5. It is accepted to give flowers in the following faiths: Baha'i, Buddhist, Catholic, Christian, Mormon and Eastern Orthodox. For Mormons, flowers arranged in the shape of a crucifix or a cross is not acceptable. White flowers are preferred if the religion is Eastern Orthodox.
6. Check with the family if the deceased is Islamic or Hindu, as there are varying practices within the religion of giving flowers.
7. In the Jewish faith, it is a practice to send food packages to the home and family of the deceased rather than sending flowers to the funeral home. While it is becoming more accepted by some members of the faith to send flowers to the family at home, it is still frowned upon by Orthodox Jews.
Finally, if you are still unsure about the process associated with the deceased's family, ask the funeral home or the family's religious or cultural leader for advice. Many florists and online dealers are usually well versed in all aspects of funeral etiquette and may also be able to guide you in selecting the right arrangement.

The gift of empathy

2011-09-13T10:35:00.000-06:00

Today I'm going to touch on bereavement which I have talked about before. My grandfather passed away on Saturday after living a fulfilling life. He was a WWII Veteran and a POW at the end of WWII. I am very proud of my grandpa and although it saddens me that he is no longer with us, I know he's in a better place.

The process of grief is so individual and death is something you never "get over". Yet, life still goes on. I've heard from dear friends who have lost a mother, sister, child, etc. that the thing that amazes them most is that the sun still rises, traffic still flows, people still go to work, even though their hearts are breaking and their worlds have come crashing down. I think that is the most important thing to remember. When someone you know has lost a loved one, even though carpool is still on for you, their lives are turned upside down and we can be respectful of that.

In using good manners, it's always best to keep it simple when talking to someone who is grieving. It's a great skill to listen carefully to what they are saying and let them know how difficult you know it is for them. Let them know you are thinking about them. The most important thing above all is that you are genuine in what you say. Make sure what you're saying comes from the heart and you'll most likely be OK.

Funerals are bittersweet occasions where families band together to honor a loved one. This can be a time of great sadness or celebration; I've seen both. Make sure you are doing your part to help others feel comfortable around you by following a few simple guidelines.

My two cents

Once bitten...

2011-09-10T14:39:00.000-06:00

I admit, I've taken a hiatus from writing on the blog that has far more to do with my last appearance on KSL and less to do with how busy we've been this Summer (although we've been plenty busy). It's taken a while for me to adjust to the fact that commenting and giving my opinion on things could attract such hate and ugliness and that I would be in the throws of such a controversy. I'm all about learning from an experience and then moving on, but this has been particularly difficult to move past because of the personal attacks. Saying I'm uneducated, a ditz, can't use the English language properly, etc; it's almost too much and made me truly evaluate why I do this and if I want to continue doing this.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about this very subject and she had referred to another blog where the author is sick at the beginning of her pregnancy. NieNie Dialogue's Stephanie Nielson was the victim of a horrible accident and burned over a majority of her body. She is now recovering after countless surgeries and is moving on with her life. She has wanted to have another baby for quite some time and is finally able to do so. I think this is a time to celebrate. If she wants to vent about how sick she is and how difficult it is to throw up all the time, who cares? Blogs (people forget) are an informal writing format. They are a place for people to express their opinions, share their lives, etc. Yet she has received hateful comments about how she should just be grateful that she can have more babies because many can't. I am in that category by the way...I lost my ability to have more children at 28. I've had people tell me I should be grateful I have four children because many can't have children at all. Feeling the loss of the ability to bring a life into this world in no way diminishes the lives that I celebrate here. It's a loss nonetheless. But I would never resort to commenting on another person's journey or even their opinion on this topic because it differs from mine unless I could do so in a respectful manner.

I have been known to 'stick it' to people. I could (if I chose) verbally beat another person down- I've been trained well by my mother who is the queen of verbal lashings and I'm not short on whit. What stops me is considering the other person's feelings- something that I think we all can learn from and I am certainly not perfect at it.

The reason I started this blog was because I believed I had a different approach. I'm not Emily Post (who wasn't an expert in her own right until she published- so if that's how we are defining now, that's fine), I'm not the Countess, I'm just a mom with four kids who has had the opportunity to learn a lot of things in my life that pertain to etiquette and manners; whether by education or experience. My desire is always to help those around me feel more comfortable, not uncomfortable.

I guess what blows my mind is that there is so much hate and ugliness out there and that it's not limited to the people who we would assume are "bad" by society's standards. The ugliness that I'm speaking of wells up inside and spews out in attacks and ill informed verbal lashings.

I welcome diversity and different opinions. Certainly mine is not absolute. I would, however, be hard pressed to truly value and welcome hatred that is being thrown my way just for hatreds' sake.

So....there you have it- my personal journal entry of sorts. The reason that I've not written on this blog in four months. However, the best lesson that I have learned from this experience is something my mom taught me when I was young and only now does it really make sense:

Don't let other people determine how you're going to act.

Pure and simple. It's my choice whether I'm paralyzed by the fear of being ripped apart for my opinion. If I were to talk about it again, would I choose my verbiage more carefully? yes. Would I change my opinion? no. That's what makes us as intelligent human beings so magnificent: our ability to reason with one another- but let's be kind as we do it.

P.S.

I do apologize that I didn't graduate college with a degree in English. I hope it doesn't offend that I may not be grammatically correct 100% of the time or that my punctuation is imperfect. Occasionally the misspelled word even slips by. My only solace is that my sister DID graduate with a BA in English and is an English teacher. She has given my grammar and punctuation the 'thumbs up'. What a load off- but thank you to all of you who felt the need to attack my writing as well, I think the only think that was left off the table were my mothering skills- anyone?

I'm now officially stepping off the soap box and putting it away. I have let people determine how I'm going to act and that is over. But if you are a hater...don't bother reading my blog...go make someone else miserable.

My two cents

Winner winner chicken dinner!

2011-05-13T13:31:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all who participated (although our numbers were dismal compared to all my other giveaways). That will teach me never to start one the weekend of Mother's day- but rather give an entire week before Mother's day- but alas, I was not in town...lesson learned. I hope though, that whomever receives this apron will love it and think it's as adorable as I do and if we do another giveaway with Cindy, I'm sure it will be a roaring success!

I hope you were all honest and no one cheated, I honestly don't have the time to go back and look, so I'm going to use the honor system.

Rachel said...

Such a cute apron, I love it!!

May 6, 2011 10:12 PM

Giveaway: dlux57 apron-Happy Mum's Day! (CLOSED)

2011-05-06T14:11:00.002-06:00

I was first introduced to Dlux57.com 3 years ago (that's right isn't it Cindy?) when I got an email from the owner about an apron that I was looking to have made. I wanted a pink teapot apron so badly (as I have a secret...or not so secret obsession with them and I needed to fill a void. Cindy was nice enough to email me after the Apronista had posted about my request to her and offered to make the apron I had requested. I ended up choosing to go a different route (and although my apron is cute- I think Cindy's would have been amazing too) but today Cindy has a tea and teapot apron on her website that just tickles me to death!

I think the most difficult decision I had during this entire process was deciding which apron to give away. Cindy's aprons are not only charming, but flirty and fun. Everything I enjoy in an apron.

Here's to all you mum's out there. It was put perfectly to me the other day in an email I received, "The dictionary defines a mother as a female parent, yet we all know female parents who are not mothers, and we know mothers who are not parents".

Cindy was also kind enough to give you all a discount for Mother's day. Use the code MUM20 for 20% off and Free shipping and it's good until May 24th (what a doll)!

**You must leave a separate comment for each thing that you do below (ie one comment after you've blogged and tell me you've blogged, one comment after you've tweeted, one comment after you've added the button, one comment after you've become a fan, etc)-YOU MUST ALSO LINK BACK TO ALL OF THESE POSTS, TWEETS, BLOGS, ETC FROM NOW ON TO QUALIFY (THE FIRST 19 COMMENTS ARE THE EXCEPTION).

Leave a comment on this post for one entry**
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This giveaway will close on May 13th at 11:59pm and the winner will be chosen on random.org and announced the following day.

What a polite town Boston is

2011-05-03T21:39:00.000-06:00

Coming to Boston, I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only were they as educated and dapper as I had expected, but discreetly polite. They aren't easily heard in conversation to one another, on the road when merging lanes, one car goes from the left, then from the right, people freely give directions, and all around Bostonians are just polite.

I have enjoyed this city from a historical, cultural, and culinary perspective. The fact that it's residents were accommodating in so many ways was just a perk.

In my travels I don't always come across such a great city, but in many ways, I would call this my favorite in the US (or at least in my top 5). Way to be Boston- proving that some things do come with age- refinement and elegance for sure being on your side.

Crowd flocks to palace for Royals first kiss

2011-04-29T11:29:00.006-06:00

Britain Shows us how to move with class

Ooops! For those of you who have already read this post, I apologize for having the incorrect link before, here is the proper video. Enjoy!

I slept during the actual event this morning unlike some of my friends, so I didn't watch the entire event. But I have watched several of the highlights. I enjoyed watching this mass of people calmly walking toward Buckingham Palace. Having been down that road, I can appreciate the enormity of the crowd and as I was watching, I couldn't help but think that they were all being so polite as they were all vying for a spot to watch the new Royal couple kiss for the first time as man and wife in public. I wondered if, in America, we would all be so calm and accommodating to others while trying to get the best view. Just as I was wondering that to myself, Matt Lauer said it out loud. Here is the clip. Great commentary on civility, good manners, patience, and looking out for others around you. Great Britain happens to be a country that, when I visit, I admire for their hospitality and polite nature. They get their point across without infringing it on others. What class!

The wonderful world of Tipping-Part 1

2011-04-27T23:25:00.002-06:00

Tips can be a tricky...do you pay your hairdresser a flat rate or percentage? When do you give the valet his tip, before you walk in to your venue, when you are leaving, or both? Here are a few suggestions on how to tip properly:

Be discrete. There is no need to flash your cash if you're a big tipper.
It is customary to tip on the pre-taxed amount of the bill.
When in doubt about tipping, ask in advance.
Money is the tip of choice, but in some cases a small gift, usually during the holidays can be substituted.

Restaurants and Bars:

Waiters- 15% is standard, in large cities 15-20% is standard. Exceptions to the 15-20% rule include:

When a restaurant is self serve- 10% is customary and is a thank you for preparing drinks and cleaning up your table
When the waiter has been especially accommodating- you may wish to add an additional percentage or 2-5$ to your 20%
When a gratuity has already been added to the bill- then there is no need to give a tip.
When your stay at a crowded restaurant is lengthy- Most restaurants count on turning tables at a fairly quick rate. Taking more time at a table means losing money for the restaurant and the server. Tacking on an extra 10-15% will express your thanks for being allowed to linger.

Bartenders

As you wait for a table, you can either pay for your drinks as you order or ask the bartender to run a tab, with will be added to your dinner bill. In either case, leave a tip for the bartender when you are told that your table is ready. in small towns 1$ per drink is fine.
If you're at a bar simply to have a drink, tip between 15-20% at higher end if the bartender has run a tab for you, if he's thrown in a free drink or two, add a couple of extra dollars to your tip.

Wine Stewards

A wine steward ( in upscale restaurants, the sommilier if a man, sommeliere if a woman) is tipped 15-20% of the wine bill, but only if he or she was especially attentive. If the the steward merely took your order and poured your first glass of wine, you might leave 10-15%, though no tip is required.
Customers usually tip a wine steward in cash at the end of the meal but in some restaurants you might find a wine-tip line on the credit card bill. And take note:When tipping a wine steward, tip your waiter only for the food portion of your bill.

Valet Attendants

Tip the parking attendants 2$ in smaller cities and 3-5$ in larger cities. Give the tip when the car is brought to you, not when you arrive.

In Transit

At Airports

Curbside baggage checker, skycap, or airline porter. The standard is 1$ to 2$ per bag- a little more if the bag is very heavy.
Wheelchair attendant. A 2-5$ tip is standard. If the attendant goes the extra mile, such as pushing the wheelchair from one end of the large airport to the other, tip on the higher end or even more.
Hotel shuttle bus driver. If the driver helps you with your baggage, tip no less than 1$ per bag.
Workers in the airport. Tip as you would servers in other restaurants.

On Trains

Dining or club car waiter. 15-20%
Waiter delivering to sleeping car-15-20%
Redcap or train porter-1$ per bag plus 1$ added to the total.
Sleeping car porter-2$ per person per night.

In Taxis, Private Cars, or Limousines

Taxis- generally about 20% of the fare, but in large cities you should tip a minimum of 1$. If a taxi driver helps with your luggage or packages, a slightly larger tip is always in order; in general 1$ per bag. Try to avoid using large bills, especially during short rides or shift changes, when drivers aren't likely to have change.
For car and Limousine services, the easiest way to top is to tell the service to add the gratuity to the bill, and often times this is done automatically. You may do this when you request the service. In larger cities, the standard tip is about 20%; in smaller cities, 15%. When a gratuity is included in the fee, there's no need to tip more.

On Cruises

Tips at sea

A good rule is to allow about 15% of your fare for tipping. Divide about half of this allowance between the cabin and dining-room stewards and distribute the rest to others who served you.

Cabin Stewards, Dining Room Stewards, and Waiters should receive about 3$ per day minimum. Put tips in separately addressed envelopes and hand them to each person at the end of the cruise with a note of thanks if you wish.
Lounge and bar Stewards- 15-20% at the time of service.
Wine Steward- 15-20% Each time you use his services.
Hairdressers, manicurists, and other service people are tipped at the same rate as on land (that will be in part two)
Like train and airport porters-1$ per bag at the time of service

On longer cruises consider tipping weekly and find a day that works for you to be consistent.
Do not tip the ships officers, but do thank them for their courtesy and hospitality if you cross paths or happen to go to a captains dinner. Do not tip the ships doctor.

Next post I will talk about Hotels, service industry professionals, Health care providers, Home delivery services, Residential Building Personnel, and other out- and about tipping. I also have a post about holiday tipping that I will refer you to.

Another perspective

2011-04-27T12:54:00.002-06:00

I received an email this morning from a mother and wife who wished to remain anonymous, but I do NOT know her. She asked me if I would post her feelings as a comment to my latest post but I felt that her comment was so poignant that it needed to be a post itself. This is the society we do live in, with all of it's imperfections and shortcomings. Unfortunately we are not perfect, although some try. Rather than come from a defensive point of view, like some have on this issue, let's read the following and try to come from a place of understanding, shall we? (If you are lost on the commentary, simply read the next post down and the comments and you will understand):

"Melissa as a breastfeeding mother (on number 3) I totally agree that mothers should feel free to nurse in public but as a wife of a husband who struggles with pornography as many men do(and by struggle I mean hates it and is working so hard to overcome it) I have to say I support Janine's stance of discretion. There are many things that can trigger weakness in a man struggling with pornography and any level of immodesty is one of those things. I know it wasn't your intention but I think your comment that "it doesn't make them turn into primal animals who can't control themselfs" is a bit naive and insensitive. My husband fully supports me breastfeeding in public but as a his wife I would appreciate it if modesty was practiced in all things. Alot of babies have a hard time nursing with a blanket over their heads it is stuffy and hot no matter how light the blanket plus they want to see their mothers face which is an important part of nursing. I mearly suggest that we take more thought to what we will be wearing as we are out in public so as to show respect to those around us. I agree that it is important for people of all ages to see that a women is breastfeeding and a little flesh showing between the babies head and your clothing not a big deal but I am not so sure they need to see an entire exposed breast. As a side note it is a shame that as a society we make a bigger deal about a women breastfeeding in public then of all the other blatant immodesty in the world around us."

Thank you anonymous for sharing your story with me. I certainly wouldn't judge you until I have walked a mile in your shoes and I would hope others wouldn't either. I would hope that we as a society would step outside ourselves a little and realize that there are others around us who may not feel the same as we do and therefore we can consider others feelings before we act...that is my only purpose in doing this blog.

That's my two cents

Do visuals help?

2011-04-26T14:36:00.002-06:00

This is the best article from iVillage that I had to share- explains perfectly how I feel, that it's just a matter of common sense.

Not to get graphic here, but people still don't seem to get what I'm saying so I'm going to lay it out as simply as I possibly can- in pictures:

I find this to be perfectly acceptable. I personally would throw a burp cloth or something over myself, but that's ME, and I have that right. But there is nothing wrong with this picture except the guy giving her an odd look, and in that case he can move, she isn't doing anything to make him feel uncomfortable because she's covered in my opinion.

Not so much. If she were secluded in her backyard, absolutely, if she were in a park with other families, nope. I think it's not ok for her to bare her fully naked breast, she could have left a couple buttons done, or used a blanket even on the other shoulder away from her baby to shield herself or others to help make the situation a little more comfortable.

Now, I'm not a lactation specialist, never have I claimed to be an Etiquette "expert" just an etiquette blogger who likes good manners, although I fail at times, I try my hardest and do know both what it's like to be mom of young children and now a mother of teenagers- think about that when you go to attack...how are these babies you are so quick to protect going to feel about seeing other women bare their breasts when their hormones are raging? Just think, maybe don't jump to conclusions until you're there.

Oh Baby!

2011-04-25T22:41:00.001-06:00

Let me just say that in the last few hours I have never had so much hate enter my life. Thank you to all who have taught me how to properly tweet a hate message, how to Facebook a hate message, and how to email a hate message; I appreciate the education. For the rest of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me share. I was asked to appear on my local TV station, which, if you are a follower, you know I do once in a while. But this was different. I was asked by the host of the normal morning show that I appear on if I would to a special piece called "Family Focus" that was to air on the 5:00 news- goin' Prime Time baby! Of course I was thrilled at the prospect and would never turn Brooke down (loves her).

I went at 12:15 (which is the middle of the school day and Liza was getting out early from a field trip so it was an extra special effort to make it up to the big city). We chit chatted a while and when it was finally time to film, we did a couple of takes for my first "faux pas" of pregnancy etiquette- which was all based on a Today Show Producer who as up in arms over people touching her tummy while she was preggers. I agree that it's a violation of her privacy and asked people not to do that as part of my top three no-no's. Next I suggested that people stay away from asking couples or single adults when they will start a family (contentious I think) because it's no one's business! Third I tackled what was obviously a beast and possibly the cause of future panic attacks- Breastfeeding in public!

Being a mommy of four and having nursed all my babies until well after one (almost two for most)- I'm an advocate and thank my mom and sisters for leading the way...but I have to say, I don't think I ever saw their goods, even though I was around my sister all the time when she was raising her five children.

Anyway, I suggested (as you can see in the video that I LINKED TO HERE) that I suggested that ladies should cover up. OH BOY (yes I yelled)- this was a huge misjudgment in wording I suppose. I don't know if I would have said it differently? I guess I could have said "be discrete" but I probably would have gotten just as many haters. You would have thought that I had just said that I hated all moms who breastfed, that I thought they were all awful for showing up in public, that they should be ashamed of themselves, and never again show their faces (isn't that what I said?)- Oh wait- NO! I said that WE should cover up when in public places and when others besides immediate family (or others close to us- who I'm sure we can gage) are around in order to not make others feel uncomfortable. I was speaking from personal experience.

Not too long ago we were with friends in Hawaii and while waiting outside for a table for dinner, I turned around to see a woman taking down the spaghetti strap of her dress to pull out her melon (watermelon) sized bare breast to feed her child in front of about 65 of us all waiting for this sushi place to open (you know the one I'm talking about on Maui?)- She was completely bare chested- there was no place to turn, she was on display for all to see. There were several other benches in that strip mall, I know because my friend and I had just checked out a few of the other shops. I did not wish for this sweet woman to be ashamed of her body, her baby, or breastfeeding, I just wanted her to take it somewhere a little more intimate so that just her and her baby could enjoy it.

That is all I'm saying people! If you're wearing a sweatshirt already and you can't see anything, then you don't need to cover up, do you- which is why I said in the article, figure out what's best for you- I'm not the breastfeeding manager of you all!

I don't think I'm asking too much here or that it's bad manners. I think it's good manners to make others comfortable. Etiquette is simply more formal customs, so it doesn't really apply, but manners do. When thinking of good manners, I will not give up my life, but I will consider others when making a decision on whether or not to expose my body in front of other people to feed my child when to solution is simple and when I know that will make other people feel uncomfortable, I am more than happy to retire to a bench more secluded in the mall, a restaurant booth, or one of many other locations.

I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying it doesn't take practice, but when I am accused of being discouraging to women who may want to breastfeed, or my words keeping them from breastfeeding altogether- I find that accusation harsh, unfounded, and unjust.

That's my two cents (and that's all it is!)

Janine

Fancy Friday- the letters b and d

2011-04-01T11:14:00.000-06:00

I don't want everyone thinking that this is Sesame Street and that we are going to sponsor the number 4 next. I just had to tell you that something came back to me this last week and I thought that was Fancy! I do classes or seminars that are geared toward the youth in helping them be better at dating with manners, dining with manners, and using technology with manners. It's usually done in a dinner style and it's worked very well in the past. The last occasion on which I had an opportunity to present my class, there were some adults there and it just so happened that a few of them owned their own businesses (successful ones at that). I taught the class- geared at the youth- but I always hope that whatever I teach will benefit whomever attends.

About a week ago, one of those adults who also happened to be a business owner, came up to me and said, "hey, I used that 'B' and 'D' thing you taught us"- I was excited that he had occasion to use it and now I will explain it, as I have before here:

It is simply that your Bread plate will always be on your left as your left hand makes a 'b' and your Drink will always be on your right as your right hand makes a 'd'. It's a simple trick to distinguish your drink or bread plate from that of the person sitting next to you, especially in a round table setting, or a long dining table like this:

I hope you find this refresher helpful and not too fancy. I've found it helpful in many situations and it was so fantastic to hear back that the trick worked for someone else as well.

That's my two cents.

Fancy Friday: ...Oh Thank You!

2011-03-25T18:02:00.000-06:00

There are not many things that make my day more (unless my tulips would hurry up and bloom)- than a hand-written note in the mail...addressed just to me! Through all technology's changes tweets, twoits (sounds dirty), FB messages, email, whatever, I have to say, I love a hand-written note best. I talk about all kinds of correspondence here in another post and how important "Thank you" is to me in this post, but I'd like to talk a little bit about sitting down and taking the time to actually do it.

Like most people, my mail consists of bills that I've already signed up to have emailed to me, lots of ads for the week telling me how cheap that "leather" couch is, and my Netflix (because my hubby is a stickler for getting those back and getting his 7.99 worth every month). My mail carrier is kind enough to always put the exciting stuff on top. He will always put hand written correspondence on the top of my pile making my trip to the mailbox soooo much more exciting (even though it's really DH who gets the mail because I loose half of it when I get distracted by the new Pottery Barn magazine).

My long, drawn out point is, this isn't fancy or difficult, it doesn't require extra funds or being part of the upper class, anyone can write a thank you note, and that is classy in my book.

Thank someone for a wonderful lunch the other day, tell them how much fun you had chatting with them and you hope you can do it again soon.
Let somebody know how much fun you had seeing them while visiting (insert city, state, country) on business or pleasure and you appreciated their hospitality while you did (insert something nice).
Say thank you for a birthday gift that was dropped off to your house, because someone took the time to remember you on your special day.
Send thank you notes for Christmas presents, letting that person know (or all those people know) how much you LOVE that tie!
Write a note thanking your DH for the flowers he brought you home when you were having a bad day, and leave it taped on the mirror with a lipstick kiss next to it.

There are endless possibilities and reasons to write a note of gratitude, it's just a matter of sitting down and recognizing what we are grateful for and who has touched our lives this week. It's never too late to write a note, although general etiquette says you have one year from your wedding to write a Thank You for your gift, I say three months is the max- after that we've all forgotten what we've done (wedding would be the exception).

Let me say one more thing- something is always better than nothing. If you can only text, tweet, or FB a "Thank you" then so be it, I'm not going to come bonk you on the head with my etiquette wand. acknowledgment is always better than leaving something unsaid. So if you really can't sit down and write it out, use the blessing of technology and say it somehow.

Have a fabulous weekend- Those are my two cents!

So many lessons to learn

2011-03-18T00:15:00.000-06:00

I feel like in the last year I have been schooled! I have learned so many different things, ranging from 'be careful who you allow to know anything about you- because some small piece of information can turn into a disaster' all the way to 'knowing how important my wonderful husband truly is to me and how important the covenants and promises are I made with him and God 15 years ago.'

I am not going to get deep into the promises I made in my marriage today (much to your chagrin I'm sure) but I'd like to talk about the people we trust. I wish in this case I was on iChat with all my Pink Teapot ladies and gents so that we could truly have a discussion about all the experiences you've had throughout your lives. These are my pearls of wisdom for today.

At the beginning of these experiences, I was bitter and confused. I thought that I had been so wronged, that no one deserved my trust again and I am the person who lets you run me over and then says, "please sir, may I have another?" So obviously these things really stung. After some thought, a lot of prayer, and some serious reflection, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't want someone to shut me out and never give me another chance, even if I had done something intentionally malicious (which is not in my nature- but anything is possible I suppose).

I had to go through the process of truly forgiving others unconditionally.

Here's my point. We can't change anyone else, we can only change ourselves, so in trying to become our best selves, let's forgive quickly (which also means letting go of whatever that person has done to you), move forward with a better perspective on who you would like around you in the future, and remember that not everyone is going to be your "bestie". Trials always help us see other's true colors and during any trial that you might face, there are those who will be fence-sitters, those who will run for the hills for fear of worldly judgement, and those who will stand for what they believe is right and true (that's called integrity just in case you're wondering)- but those people are few and far between which is why my wise mother says that you can count your "real" friends on one, maybe two hands your entire life. These are the people who will truly take the time to get to know who we are as people and then defend us when we're not there to do it for ourselves. They don't care if you're rich or poor, skinny or fat, what your hair looks like under your hat, or what your house looks like behind that door you're trying to keep closed as you tell people you're busy and to come back later. These are the people we can be real with- we can say, "come on in" when it's all falling apart because we know they will love us anyway and more because of it...never judge us.

How does this tie into good manners? I think that anyone who wants to have good manners should learn every bit of info I've just put on this page and master it, goodness knows I have a long way to go. Good manners come from within. We can fake it all day long but our sincerity or lack-thereof will always scream louder than what we are saying.

I love you my friends, you know who you are.

That's my two cents.

Where have I been??

2011-03-09T00:43:00.001-07:00

Is the question I was asked the other day (via email)- "come back"-they said. I have been getting sweet emails and Facebook messages from Pink Teapot lovers (and lurkers) for the past couple of months and I'm finally doing something about it...talking about it (insert smiley emoticon).

No seriously, I've been asleep on the job (as this Saturday Evening Post so beautifully is named and depicted by Norman Rockwell). I've neglected the blog for this long, but I get wrapped up in my little world and forget that I have this fantastic creative outlet for something that I am passionate about on a daily basis- that is a true shame!

I think it would be fun to do some...vlogging, is it? Video blogging. I really enjoy the ease of setting up my Apple with Photo booth maybe or iMovie and just going to town. I could get several subjects talked about in one session and it would bring something new to the blog (for those of you who don't watch those clips of me on TV).

What do you think? (hint...this is the part where you give me your feedback so I might make an informed decision).

muuahh!

Pardon me

2010-12-18T11:23:00.002-07:00

I'm not straying from the Holiday series here, just veering a little to the left to share a story. It's not very often that I share etiquette faux pas you understand and never about those whom I am in contact with on any kind of normal basis, but every once in a great while someone will surprise me- especially during the Holidays.

As many of you know, we live in Utah. We had taken our children up to what is called Temple Square. It's the Mormon Temple grounds and during Christmas time it is turned into a winter wonderland where everything that will hold still is adorned with lights and it's simply magical. There is a manger scene that goes through the birth story of Christ (life size) and many other wonderful things to see- so if you ever get the chance, it's something you must check out for sure!

Anyway, we took our children up to see the lights but first we went to a lovely dinner at a restaurant called The Roof (which is on the roof of the building next door) and you can see all the lights of Temple Square. It's a very nice restaurant and so we had quizzed our children and prepared them on how to use their best manners so that they might enjoy such a privilege, but it's also a buffet. I stood in line for the main course with my nine y.o. who was the last one to be served and as we were about to get our main course, a gentleman walked in front of us (mind you there was a long line behind us) and said, "oh, I'm just going to grab some of this" and opened one of the dishes and helped himself. I smiled at my daughter embarrassed for the man and what else could I do, get out my etiquette police hat and write him a ticket? Then he proceeded to to the same thing to several other people (as there were 8-10 main courses and he chose them all-not just one). I was shocked! I couldn't believe that someone had been raised with such poor manners. I wanted so badly to give him my business card, and if that hadn't been poor manners, I would have.

I guess people like him give me a reason to write, but it always seems worse during the Holidays because people are in such a hurry. The irony is that I believe (other than naysayers, most of the people who read this blog love it and agree with it and have impeccable manners and are in the occasional quandary themselves.

Happy Holidays! I'm going to continue to try and write in the next few days. Love getting your emails as always- loved the one about food and guests the other day- I haven't forgotten about you...just busy. xoxo

My two cents!

Tips on holiday tipping

2010-12-10T10:56:00.002-07:00

As a follow up to my recent five minutes on 6AM TV (bright-eyed and bushy-tailed), I thought I would jot down some specifics for those interested in finding one place for the appropriate amounts to tip those in the service industry whose services we use throughout the year. I had a newscaster call me yesterday and we did a story on it in Dallas yesterday afternoon, that was fun. I think it's something that people do forget about and I'm happy to remind them.

Whether and how much you tip widely varies, depending on the quality and frequency of the service, where you live, (amounts are usually higher in large cities, and your budget. If you’ve regularly tipped at the time of service, either forgo a holiday tip, or cut back on the amount. Try to get your child’s input when deciding on any gifts for teachers, day care providers, nannies, and babysitters.

Every situation is different so let common sense, specific circumstances, and holiday spirit be your guides. This tip amounts might be helpful:

Nanny

A gift from your family (or one week’s pay), plus a card from your child/children

Babysitter, regular

One evening’s pay, plus a small gift from your child

Barber

Cost of one haircut and possibly a small gift

Beauty salon staff

10-60$ each, giving most to those who give most to you, and possibly a small gift.

Child’s teacher

Gift, NOT Cash or check- school policy. Ideas: Classroom supplies such as books, sanitizer, tissue, picture frame, fruit basket, gourmet basket, slippers, cozy blanket, joint gift with other moms, a food item purchased by a group.

Day-care providers

25-70$ each, plus a small gift from your child; of only one or two providers, consider higher-range amount

Dog walker/Pet Sitter

One weeks pay

Personal Fitness trainer

Cost of one session and possibly a holiday card thanking them for hard work

Garage attendants

10-30$ each, to be distributed by my manager

Housekeeper

One days pay

Letter carriers

US Government regulations permit carriers to accept gifts worth up to 20$ each, but a basket of fruit or candy, and nuts, are appropriate too. You could also write a kind letter to their supervisor telling them how your carrier goes out of their way to ensure your packages safe arrival.

Massage Therapist

One session’s fee

Newspaper delivery

10-30$

Private Nurse

Gift, not cash (too personal of a job)

Nursing home employees

Gift, not cash (see above)

Package deliverer

Small gift if you receive deliveries regularly; most delivery companies prohibits other.

Pool cleaner

Cost of cleaning the pool

Doorman

10-80

Elevator man

15-40

Handy Man

15-40

Superintendent

20-80

Trash/recycling

10-20/each for private service (a gift is also appropriate- candy, nuts, popcorn)

Yard worker/gardener

20-50

If you can't afford to tip these people, just remember, it's not all about the money for them, or rest assured, they wouldn't be in any of these professions (for the most part). They enjoy serving you, seeing your hair transform, opening the door and making you smile when they ask how your day was, helping work out the kinks in your neck- so a card, at the very least, with a personal message written of thanks and gratitude for them this time of year is also very much appreciated (I've done my research in the field and asked). Just don't forget to remember them.

My two cents!

Holiday courtesies

2010-12-01T09:11:00.001-07:00

With some holidays behind us and other fast approaching, I thought I'd talk about some things we all might want to consider during this busy time of year that might help things go a little more smoothly during work parties, social gatherings, and that one family party (you know the one I mean). Here is my first segment which is more introspective:

- Always have an attitude of gratitude. If we walk into a situation feeling negative, it not only impacts us, but leeks onto those around us. Think of things to be grateful for this time of year and carry those things with you, even if you have write them down and keep them in your pocket, a grateful attitude will affect how you treat others in the market, at parties, and in your everyday work and home life.

-A smile never hurt anyone. I was in the market the other day and caught someone's eye. I gave them a smile and she lit right up and smiled back. I have no idea what her day was like before or after that, but it made me feel good to genuinely share my happiness with someone else.

-There's no room for being a Bah Humbug! On that same market trip, I walked up to get in a line to purchase my two, yes, two items, and I heard someone yelling. I didn't pay attention at first until he said, HEY LADY, THERE'S A LINE!" I turned around and apologized profusely but it was too late, he was scowling and angry with me, muttering bad words under his breath. He quickly went ahead of me to put his basket full of groceries on the belt (it's one of those new line things where you all branch off so I couldn't tell there was a line). My husband grabbed me tight and assured me I had done nothing wrong as did a sweet lady next to me who commented "he doesn't have much to be grateful for" (See suggestion 1) and I was OK until I left the store (at which point my kids informed me that at home my five y.o. had pulled down our completely decorated 10 foot tree (but no one was harmed, just the tree and the ornaments)- I lost it a little bit and cried quietly on the way home. My point is, you never know how you may affect others. Being in a hurry is no excuse to be rude. We all have days where we wish the person in front of us would go a little faster or let us go ahead, but five minutes hasn't killed me yet (although being about 10 seconds late the other day did save my life...another story for another day).

*Remember also when slowing down (or thinking about not slowing down for the pedestrian) that it's winter (here at least) and it's really cold- it isn't really that difficult to sit in your nice warm car for 2 extra minutes while letting another person pass by your car to enter a store or cross the street in the freezing cold?

My two cents!

Yes Nanny...

2010-09-08T12:23:00.009-06:00

In the fun world of parenting, at one time or another, parents will leave their children with a babysitter or nanny. This can create a mutually beneficial relationship that can enrich both parties lives. However, there are some things that need to be considered before embarking on such an adventure!

For the parents:

What goes on in the family, stays in the family- children need to be taught that they are not to share private information with their babysitter (i.e. My mom yelled at my dad today).
Rules need to remain the same- whether you as the parent are there, or the nanny/babysitter is present, rules should not change.
Communicate- always ask your child what happened during their day and be sure to find out (tactfully) if the nanny/babysitter is treating your children appropriately.
Make sure you set boundaries and remember that the nanny/babysitter is an employee. It's difficult when you have someone tending to the needs of your child, not to involve them in your life- you don't need to be cold, but boundaries (not going into the master bedroom, not taking or borrowing personal property) need to be established from the beginning.

For the nanny/babysitter:

Do unto others- It can be difficult to put yourself in the parent's (your boss's) place, but try. If you wouldn't want someone yelling at your child, don't treat their children that way (that's never acceptable to begin with).
Be honest- at one time or another, we've all used the best language possible on our resumes to make ourselves sound appealing, but it's quite another thing to be dishonest. Make sure you're telling the truth to your employer and if there has been a falsehood already told, you need to come clean.
Respect rules and boundaries- it can be difficult when working in a home environment to remember that you're still at work. Talking on the phone, running personal errands, and checking social networking sites while being paid may not be a good use of work time. If you are bored, or lack work, you can ask your employer what they would like you to do during down time.

These tips help to ensure that both parties will have a fruitful and long-lasting relationship and helps everyone feel more comfortable, which is what etiquette is all about!

Ok, Fine!

2010-08-25T23:04:00.001-06:00

I must thank you all for your emails and messages on FB. I have decided that I am capable of moderating comments on older posts (even though it's a bit of work) and that most of your comments are legitimate (and in English). So game on!

The eternal optimist

2010-08-25T13:57:00.004-06:00

This is a story my mom told me over and over growing up, I hope you enjoy it and remember to "dig" to find the positive in every situation!

A few years ago a major research project was commissioned by world renowned university. The purpose of the study was to objectively develop operational definitions for pessimists and optimists for use in textbooks, academic papers, and classroom learning.

The scientists, behaviorists, and psychologists involved scoured the globe searching for the most pessimistic and optimistic people they could find. Their key objective was to bring test subjects back to the lab for further study. After a year of looking the team finally narrowed their search down to two 8 year-old boys.

Back at the lab two observations rooms were readied. The first room was filled with every kind of toy imaginable. There were so many toys that it seemed to the researchers that an entire toy store had been emptied for the sake of the study. The second room was filled wall to wall with horse manure. The boys were to each be placed in a room and their behaviors would be observed from behind one way mirrors.

The first little boy stood skeptically in the doorway of the room full of toys not sure if he should enter. But with a little prodding from one of the researchers who said, “Go on in, they are all yours”, he finally walked over the first toy. What happened next shocked and stunned the researchers. Instead of playing gleefully the little boy systematically opened every single package in the room and rejected each of the toys in turn. The researchers heard him whining: “These aren’t like my toys at home. These toys will never work. Where are the video games! “Its hot in here. I don’t have any friends to play with.” The complaining went on and on until soon, exhausted from his own negativity, he sat down in the middle of the room and with a big pout on his face he angrily shouted “I’m bored and I want to go home.”

The researchers had been so mesmerized by this display of pessimism and negativity that they had almost forgotten about the second little boy who had been place in the room full of manure. They quickly shifted their attention to the second room and peering through the observation window, were stopped in their tracks. They had expected to see the little boy sitting on the pile sad and crying. But instead, he was standing on top of the pile wildly shoveling horse manure. To the amazement of the entire research team, he was animated, excited, alive, and happy. He kept digging and digging and shouting with glee. He was covered with manure from head to toe and he was ecstatic. The researchers looked one another in awe – the child seemed delirious.

Cautiously one of the scientists opened the door to the room and tried to get the boy’s attention. However, he was so focused on digging that it took a few minutes to get his attention. Finally the boy stopped what he was doing, turned around, and faced the scientist. Looking with amazement at the manure covered child the researcher asked, “Son, what in the world are you doing?” With that question, a huge grin crossed the boy’s face and with the same enthusiasm he had given to digging he replied, “Sir, with all this manure I just know there is pony in here somewhere and I’m going to find him!” With that he turned around and started digging.

No elbows (or cell phones) at the table...

2010-08-19T18:47:00.001-06:00

This past Friday night, my husband and I went on our traditional date night. We had a lovely evening shopping and we ended with dinner. While at dinner, our kids called (separately) more than once. After the fourth or fifth call (I stopped counting), my husband asked if it was okay for him to just take the call at the table. I gasped and said, "of course not!" to which he replied, "just checking". I ran in and out of the restaurant, which was distracting and rude also I'm sure, to field calls about all kinds of nonsense- but at the end of the night, we were able to enjoy dessert "call free".

This incident did spark conversation between my husband and me about what is appropriate at the table and what isn't. We both try very diligently to keep our cell phones put away and the only calls we will take are from our children while we are out together- but even then, and in a noisy restaurant, should you be taking calls at the table? My answer is No! Calls should be handled in private because even when you think you are having a "private" conversation, one tends to raise their voice while sharing comments to the person on the other end of the phone, so whether you intend it or not, it's not a private conversation and others are forced to listen to you speak about whatever.

My other pet peeve that I'm going to rant about is texting or talking on the phone while having face-to-face time. I find it so rude that someone will answer endless phone calls while spending time with me (I mostly let it go to voicemail-kids and hubby excepted, and I can get back to them later). I think if you are with someone you should love the one you're with and keep the cell phone usage, whether to text or talk, to a minimum.

On a separate note, I have had so many emails about my choice not to accept comments anymore on this blog. I have to reiterate that it's not because of the negative feedback (I welcome naysayers)- it's because I am getting more advertisements than comments. I have found my blog to be more of a library reference and I have also found that if people disagree (or agree) they will Facebook me or email me and let me know, so moderating the comments just becomes a waste of time.

I can't wait to get back into the blogging swing of things when my kiddles start school next week- enjoy the fleeting days of Summer!

Well I guess that's that!

2010-07-12T10:40:00.003-06:00

It was pretty easy after seeing the number of seemingly invalid comments on my last post- to discontinue comments on this blog. I will continue to individually respond to emails from viewers as well as messages on Facebook from The Pink Teapot fan page. I sincerely thank all of you who have left comments for all to see, it's fun to read them and continue to grow through this format, thank you to everyone!

Comments??

2010-06-30T18:25:00.002-06:00

I am faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to continue accepting comments. I truly value the valid comments that I get, but the random ones in a language that I can't read are becoming annoying. I have always come from the school of thought that the simpler I make it for people to comment, the more they will, but it's turned out that my blog (as pointed out by a friend) is really more of a library to peruse rather than a controversial blog that people really want to comment on.

I get many emails that I enjoy answering- and I think that's what people enjoy: asking questions through that more private outlet rather than having their dirty laundry aired for everyone to see.

What are your thoughts? How upset do you think readers would be if I took off comments from now on?

Studio 5- again...lucky me!

2010-06-01T22:35:00.003-06:00

(Studio 5 has not- and I have not labeled myself an "expert", it's just a fun graphic)

I had a blast going on Studio 5 last week and talking about play date etiquette. I got to choose some viewer emails and answer them and I enjoyed that. Check it out here.

Some phone tips

2010-06-01T21:22:00.000-06:00

As I've had many readers email me about different kinds of phone etiquette, I thought I'd tackle one area in particular today.

I was teaching an etiquette class to the most adorable group of 8 year olds the other day and we talked about how to answer the phone. They giggled as I acted out holding the phone three inches away from my head as I screamed for the person who was to answer the pretend phone call- ahh, but how true it is that this happens in my house (much to my disappointment every time).

I've discussed childrens manners before and included a section on phone manners, but I'm going to extend this to the adults as well. These seem like common sense, but I often need reminders about these things to keep me on the right track where this seemingly small area is concerned. The phone can often be your first introduction to people whether in business or personal life, so it's important to make a good first impression:

Speak slowly when giving your phone number and name on a voicemail. Make sure you spell anything that may be misheard. Leave your phone number at the beginning of your voicemail and say it twice- the person listening may want to quickly return your phone call without listening to a lengthy message.
Listen more than you speak.
Always remember your please and thank you's!

The art of the apology

2010-03-23T16:25:00.003-06:00

Saying we're sorry is one of the most difficult things that some of us will ever encounter (thank goodness) and for you, I have some suggestions on how to get through it. It's never easy to apologize when we feel we've been wronged or offended in some way, we like to hold on tight to that wrong, like a hundred dollar bill in a wind storm. But sometimes, it's just so freeing to let go.

There are many approaches we can take, we can write a note and send it in the mail, we can make that all important phone call and apologize over the wire (as long as you have a moment to talk where you won't be distracted), or you can choose to talk to them in person. Any of these methods is acceptable and correct, it's just a matter of what feels most comfortable to you.

Unfortunately we are not in control of what the other person does when we choose to say we're sorry. The most important thing is that no matter what the other person says, that we accept it, and not try and justify our position. It's in our nature to want to defend ourselves, but when we've made the effort to put ourselves out there to say we're sorry, it's best to keep ourselves humble and not ruffle feathers again, even if you feel that the other person wronged you in some way.

That's the beauty of letting go and saying we're sorry, after that, we don't have to care anymore. We can let go of the friendship if we choose, take a break for a while, or pick up where we left things off (hopefully- if it's worth it), and you've done your part.

Try it sometime, you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised by the results of what saying "I'm sorry" can do.

The Pink Teapot visits KSL (NBC)

2010-03-15T17:13:00.004-06:00

I will be on Utah's local morning show-Studio 5- this Thursday, March 18th at 11am. The producer asked me to come on and speak about Facebook etiquette and I'm so excited! At this time, I am truly grateful for technology that makes it possible for me to share the video of my appearance with my blogger buddies only hours after I appear. But I still wish you were all here in Utah just for this one day.

Anyone new to The Pink Teapot or who saw me on KSL, check out my Facebook and Twitter icons at the top of the page (Thanks Cord - I love you)!

To be loved...

2010-03-12T08:21:00.004-07:00

It's been a difficult few weeks (as I'm sure you can tell by my short fuse as I write). We've had some challenges at home with my husbands health that have been scary and serious and he is the strong one and my rock. Anyone who knows us can tell you that.

The medication they put him on while they are waiting to find out what is going on with his heart has aggravated his stomach and he has a history of ulcers that bled from when he was a boy (my poor sweet husband)- so he stopped taking that as of this morning which makes me more than nervous. I put a call into our Dr. so hopefully we'll hear back soon on that end. That's not the reason I'm writing though- that's the set up for what I'm going to tell you.

As I'm dealing with this small but real crisis (and my eight year old is home really sick)- my little precious toy doggie is digging into the cat pan as I'm on the corded phone (who owns those anymore?)- and can't move to chasten her! She's digging away for "buried treasure". My sweet, loving, intuitive five year old daughter (my baby), jumps off the bed without being asked and says, "mom, let me clean the cat pan!"- and she gets the dog out of the cat pan and whisks her outside and proceeds to do just that. I got off the phone and just watched her and then helped her finish as tears ran down my cheeks.

To me, that is the essence of service and true love- especially for a five year old! What do they hate more than cat poop? not much! And yet she cleaned the entire pan so that Nellie, the naughty dog, wouldn't get into the pan which she knew was distressing me while I was on an important call.

I aspire to be more like my five year old daughter (and like all my children) every day. They teach me how to love unconditionally, how to serve selflessly, how to give freely, and care for others effortlessly. I love you babies and I hope to become more like you- thank you for teaching me today what it's like to be loved and how to love.

Customer service...what?

2010-03-10T23:04:00.006-07:00

Disclaimer: I think there should be a special line where we (the dissatisfied customers- the ones who have been horribly mistreated) get to take their turn giving you (the customer service rep who is a total moron and a meany) a kick in the pants!

Can I just say- I have so had it with "I'm sorry for the inconvenience"? No they're not. They are not personally sorry for the inconvenience they have caused me, so why apologize insincerely? I actually had a rep argue with me the other day:

I'm just going to be blunt and spill it, even though it's usually not my style- I'm so ticked and I think that everyone should know how I was treated! An AT&T customer service rep told me the other day that I should just get used to the fact that I can't use my 3G network on my iPhone. I continually drop calls when I'm on the 3G- so I have to switch off that network (to the EDGE) to make calls- but you can't be on the EDGE and make calls and be on the internet simultaneously (which is what they are spending millions advertising). This guy actually told me that he has a Blackberry (whatever model) and that he pays the same amount that I do for the internet per month and he doesn't get 3G service- I asked him if that's what he was promised- he said 'no'. I said, "alright, well I was- this is the entire purpose of the iPhone- I need to multitask here Danny!"

He continued with "I'm sorry for the inconvenience", and whatever I said after that, this was his reply. I was getting nowhere (and this has been the case for the last six months with this company)- so I called Apple (my favorite company in the entire world).

I told them what had happened and then I proceeded to tell them that I didn't have problems with other products that I owned (and we have a few)...so what's the deal? Michael, a very kind and patient senior advisor, not only replaced my phone on the slight chance that this glitch might be a hardware issue, but he upgraded my phone to a brand new (not refurbished) 32 gig (I had a 16)- I was so shocked by the discrepancy between the two companies that I had to tell Michael that I hoped that they didn't stay with AT&T too much longer (although I know that the iPad is exclusively with AT&T).

I'm tired of being patient and kind with these people when they are not (although I will continue to be)- but customer service has just gone down the tubes! I'm so over it!

The Pink Teapot Button

2010-03-08T00:43:00.000-07:00

Link to The Pink Teapot - add this button to your site by copying the code below

Dear Distracted shopper...

2010-03-06T13:04:00.001-07:00

It was a little annoying (but mostly entertaining) to watch you try and purchase your items at the self check out last night. I can't decide if my favorite part was your yelling at all of us in the store, "does anyone speak Spanish?" as you tried to navigate your way through the self checkout line- after you had distractedly hit the "en espanol" button while talking on your cell phone- or if it was that even after you realized that an employee had come over to try and help you (at my request), you continued to talk on the phone and push the buttons in spanish to complete your transaction!

In the future, could you please do us all a favor and please get off your phone as you can clearly not multitask? We, the people patiently waiting behind you in line for 10 minutes, would greatly appreciate it if you, and those like you, who talk on your cell phones while trying to complete a sales transaction would realize that you are dealing with either a human being (the sales clerk) or a complicated machine (obviously complicated enough that it needed your undivided attention).

I can't wait until we meet again in hopes that your manners have improved and/or that you have learned to speak Spanish.

Sincerely,

The (not-so-friendly) skies...

2010-02-16T08:33:00.001-07:00

So my etiquette nightmare for a "relaxing" weekend unfolded as follows:

I leave for my little weekend getaway in a chipper mood, so excited for a little R & R, the plane ride is pleasant, the person sitting next to me even switches isle seats so that the three of us can sit together, very kind of her (thank you again). As the plane comes to a full and complete stop and the captain has turned off the fastened seatbelt sign, I get up and stretch my legs a little (still not able to stand up straight, but it's better than nothing). I notice the rush of poeple from nowhere crowding into the isles. Where did they come from? Certainly not from in front of me....ahah! they came from behind me; but I'm sure they will let me out first since we're all ready to go, bags in hand, standing up- but oh no, it was a rush as always to cut people off. I was appaulled at people's behavior (and I fly pretty frequently- I was still shocked)!

Okay, so it gets better. When we're ready to board going back we're at the beginning to board the plane. Now ask yourself this, are you one of those people who stands right in front of the gate even though you're Zone 7? If so, stop it! that's what was happening here, I had a wall of people in front of me, and I was trying to board. A lady comes up on the left of me and yells to her family behind her, "Dad, this isn't the line, come up here, none of those people are in line"....I was in line, and there were about 20 of us in line waiting to board and they all made sure she knew that they were waiting in line ahead of her to board. Then when I went to step around the "wall" and politely (as I could muster) I said, "you might want to step aside so that others can board" and the man standing with his wife and others said, "they can go around". Wow- I could have written up so many tickets for bad behavior this weekend.

So my conclusions are: if there are people ahead of you, try and wait your turn. Getting on the plane, I understand we all want room for our carry ons, but if you're the last zone to board, there's not much you can do about it. If you're in a rush to get off the plane because you have a connection to catch, just say so- politely try and excuse yourself (good luck) past the solid line of people in the isles, I'm always letting those people hurry and go because I know it's pertinent that they catch the other flight. I guess the bottom line is courtesy....plain ol' common courtesy.

Be mine!

2010-02-13T10:04:00.003-07:00

My top 10 for a happy relationship/marriage (remember, these are just my top 10- they don't have to be yours- and in no particular order):

Don't sweat the small stuff
Always concentrate on the positive (you'll find what you're looking for)
Don't let others determine how you are going to act/who you are going to be (not just your significant other, but others outside your relationship who could be affecting it)
Always give 110% and don't expect it in return (and if we have a good one, we'll get it)
Respect each other- don't ever say anything negative about your significant other
Try and keep a happy home and positive environment for them to come home to (and us)
Don't discuss anything important after 10pm. If you find yourself getting in a tiff- look at the clock and cut it off- things are truly always better in the morning
Remember that you two were first in the family (whether you have kids or not really) and nurture that relationship- that's weekly date night for us and getaways often.
Quitting is not an option
Love Love LOVE with all your heart, might, mind, and strength

Happy Valentine's day!

So unfortunate

2010-02-08T21:32:00.002-07:00

In the interest of anonymity, I allowed people the benefit of contributing comments anonymously to my blog. I have to take this option off now because as I'm sure some of you have noticed, I've received some nasty and crude comments that are disguised advertisements for websites on my blog. I am so disappointed to say the least- that people go to such lengths to even get a pay check, let alone go to work day after day (because make no mistake, these are not machines, actual people have to go in and paste these ads into the comments box).

For now I will still allow "name only" to appear because I believe every genuine comment has the right to be heard. However, if this does not stop the pornographic and annoying ads- I will have no choice but to resort to "blogger id" only- so sad.

I hope you haven't had to read the comments before I've had a chance to delete them, I've tried to be quick about it, but if you have encountered them, I apologize.

May I take your order?

2010-02-01T12:42:00.002-07:00

I had a reader email this question to me and I couldn't wait to post it. Customer service today (or a lack thereof) is a huge pet peeve of mine. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to be a server for example, however it does take a special kind of person to work in the customer service industry and those people are a dying breed apparently.

Several times last week I said to myself and others, "I'm going to blog about this" in utter shock at how others were acting who were supposed to be helpful and instead I found them to be...well let's just say- less than helpful.

At one point this week I was actually in tears trying to get a point across (an important one) to a sales representative and he actually said to me, "this isn't a big deal"- the big deal was they weren't listening to what I was saying and had fraudulently charged my credit card and would not relent (it took five people and a large chunk of my time before someone 'got it').

Suffice it to say- if you have the hiring power, at least make sure the people whom you are hiring to work with consumers, are teachable and patient- the rest learnable.

Here is what my reader had to say:

A big pet peeve on manners is when you order food anywhere, whether over the phone for takeout or in person, and the person taking your 411 acts like they really don't care if you order (you're just a #, they're just doing their job, and they can't wait to get you out the door or off the phone.). Then when you ask for their name, what you really want to do is give them a piece of your mind for treating you so rudely. Agh! What do you do?

Dear frustrated,

I would not hesitate one bit to say something like, "I am really trying to have patience, but I feel as though I'm not being treated the way I should be, and I don't appreciate it" You may not get the response you would want, but you've spoken your mind. Another approach is to say, "thank you so much, may I please speak with your supervisor?" I know for a fact that most large corporations cannot hang up on you without it being recorded that they have done so- much to their chagrin I'm sure.

I'm sorry for your general experiences and disappointment, but I'm sure you're not alone. You can find comfort in that. At least you can appreciate a good customer service representative when you get one!

Back by popular demand

2010-01-05T23:43:00.002-07:00

I got a Facebook wall post today requesting that I start posting again- so here I am. I have resolved to do better even if I'm not feeling well physically, because 1. I can do this job in my PJ's and 2. I love you guys! I so enjoy my readership here and I am excited for what 2010 holds for The Pink Teapot.

Tonight I just want to write a small reminder about apologies. We had an incident today in our home (there are a lot of those with four ladies in the house) and this incident required an apology on the part of one of my children. I encouraged her to seek out the other individual, apologize, and then take the necessary steps to correct what she had done to the best of her ability (sometimes we can't fix what we've broken, darn it!)- She did take my advice and has gone the extra mile with notes intended and gifts planned.

My husband made a good comment that I thought I'd leave with you all: After I had suggested that she take some of her hard-earned babysitting money and buy a gift for the offended party, my lover said that we ought to be careful in buying gifts to say "I'm sorry" and expect that the gift is the apology, rather than the amended behavior or what have you. I thought it was a good point; although I love giving gifts for any reason, it's always good to remember that making things right is more important than flowers (but not chocolate- lets be clear).

I hope my girls learn the hard lessons the "easy way" if that's possible for them- I hate knowing that they are facing all of these tough situations, awkward pauses, curt smiles, back-biting, and all the other fun things that come along with becoming a woman. I can only hope that one piece of their moral armor that I place on their bodies every day is good manners.

Happy New Year everyone- it's gonna be fantastic!

Facebook Etiquette

2009-12-14T12:09:00.003-07:00

I found this fantastic article and thought that I'd share it with you! Here are some great tips for proper Facebook etiquette:

(from ehow.com-referenced):

Try to remember to reply to personal messages. Sometimes we forget, but if you've forgotten in the past, try to be better.
Keep applications to yourself, they can be cumbersome and annoying at times.
Keep events "private" unless all of your Facebook friends are invited or it's an open invitation.
Say nothing if you can't say anything nice. Once it's on Facebook it's on the internet forever. It's true that there is no such thing as deleting something from the internet.
Try not to delete friends from your profile unless they are breaking the Facebook rules of etiquette. If not out of consideration for their feelings, then to avoid an awkward encounter with them in the future.

The article in it's entirety is linked above. These are simple ideas that when followed, make everyone around us (including us) feel more comfortable.

Awww...you shouldn't have...really!

2009-11-30T11:20:00.003-07:00

Much to my chagrin, we are still on the mend, with a different child coming into our room in the middle of the night sporting a new symptom of illness...last night, a stomach ache and sore throat. Oh well. I've gotten used to the sleep deprivation again, like I had when they were tiny, so here I am once again for your blogging pleasure.

As requested by a facebook fan, I'm writing today about a fellow blogger who was berated publicly on another blog. How can I put this gently- what poor taste and bad manners! Let me be clear, this is my opinion, not fact, but this is an etiquette blog. Blogs by definition are meant to state opinions, not always facts, however, I believe when we are going after someone's moral character, we'd better have all the facts first.

I am speaking of The Nie Nie Dialogues. Stephanie Nielson is a helicopter crash survivor who has chosen to continue blogging about the joys and challenges of being a mom of four children. She was burned over 80% of her body and some people on the Today Show Moms Blog have accused her of not keeping track of the funds given to her, of using her "fame" to get things, and so on. Like I said, people are entitled to their opinion, but we need to be careful where we draw the line in attacking moral character whether in a blog or in real life...it's just not our place to judge.

I personally have been touched by many of her stories and posts and enjoy reading her blog. This may not be for everyone, but are there really people that miserable out there that they must attack others in order to feel better about themselves? That is a sad commentary indeed. Let us first concentrate on ourselves and what good we can do, how we can improve, so that we can see more clearly how we may help others- in a life of service, not judgement.

My goodness gracious!

2009-11-07T09:31:00.003-07:00

I have not fallen off the face of the earth as some may have speculated, we have simply been infested with every contagious disease known to man- at least twice! The week school started my children came home with the stomach flu and it's gone downhill from there. I'm getting over my last (positive thinking) illness for the season and then I'm back in the office so to speak. I appreciate your patience and loyalty in re-reading my posts (the beauty of google analytics). Please leave some new comments on old posts when you stop by for a visit and I'll be back soon- just in time for the holidays- we're going to have so much fun! Luff to all!

A kick in the pants...

2009-09-27T15:04:00.002-06:00

Often people think that because I write an etiquette blog, I have the correct advice, the right things to say, or that I'm always on my best etiquette behavior. The other night we were out with friends and my sweet friend made a point of telling me that she wanted to do something nice for me. Instead of accepting that as I would tell all of you to do, I argued with her and would not accept. She finally said, "what would The Pink Teapot say about this?" ouch! She was right. If I were giving someone else advice, I would tell them to accept graciously even though that is not always comfortable for us.

Good lesson in walking the walk.

Heavenly Hostess Giveaway Winner!

2009-09-19T00:49:00.005-06:00

This has been so much fun! I loved writing about being a good hostess as well as hosting this giveaway. It was a true pleasure for me. The winner of this giveaway is Julie who said, "I blogged about the giveaway on my personal blog! Count me in for another entry!" Congratulations Julie! What a fun apron you have to cook (or not to cook) in!

(the reason that the random generator says 1-72 is that there was a deleted comment that I cannot count)

A Heavenly Hostess (Giveaway) CLOSED

2009-09-09T21:29:00.003-06:00

What does it mean to be a good hostess? I will never forget going to a class with many women around my age many years ago- all young mothers; and we were taught by an experienced mother of 10 about being a good hostess. This wonderful woman spoke of making sure your front walkway was clean, your door was wiped down, your front entry way was clear- esthetics. I'd like to add a few things to that.

None of us is perfect- but we all love to put our best foot forward and I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as we allow others to know that it's our best foot. I wrote a post about being a good hostess about a year ago that you can read here. I also have a series of posts about house guests and how we can be good longer term hostesses.

When guests come, consider the following:

How does my home smell? I have warmers throughout my home that I turn on every day to enhance the smell of my home. I enjoy a congruent smell throughout that reminds me of Fall or Christmas, or even Springtime.
Is my home comfortable? This is not about square footage or the "clean house award". What I want you to ask yourselves is- Is there a place for your guest to be seated so that you can talk with them? Do you have them remove their shoes and walk on a sticky floor?
Have I been considerate of my guest? Ask your guest immediately if they would like a drink of ice water. If they have been there a while, ask them if they would like a snack, perhaps you could slice up an apple with peanut butter, crackers and cheese, celery and dip- it's not a bad idea to keep things on hand to offer.
Am I presentable? I love my sweats. Anyone who knows me can tell you that. However, when I am entertaining, I love to dress up. I think this shows respect for my guests. It shows them that they are important enough to me that I took the time to get ready and put on my best clothes for them. When I host a dinner party, you will find me in my Heavenly Hostess apron (friends can attest) because it's my best. I want others to know that they are special enough to me that I will put on my best things for them- get out my best china, crystal, silver or gold, linens, 40's jazz , and a fantastically cooked meal (hopefully).

Cynthia from Heavenly Hostess has graciously offered to do a giveaway with The Pink Teapot. I blogged about my Heavenly Hostess apron over a year ago and talked about the importance of wearing it! We should all feel honored because this apron is nothing short of amazing. I would wear this to show my guests how important they are to me, just as I currently wear my other apron from her. This is, in my opinion, the finest apron available, and I'm so excited to give it to one of my Pink Teapotians!

**You must leave a separate comment for each thing that you do below (ie one comment after you've blogged and tell me you've blogged, one comment after you've tweeted, one comment after you've added the button, one comment after you've become a fan, etc)- I have tried to email those who have not done it correctly but it becomes cumbersome and I'm not sure I'll be able to do that again, so please try do do this correctly (luff you)

Leave a comment on this post for one entry**
Blog about this for an extra entry (and link back to your post in your comment please).**
Put the The Pink Teapot button on your blog for an additional entry.**
Follow @thepinkteapot on Twitter and tweet about this for another entry.**
Become a fan of The Pink Teapot on Facebook for an additional entry.**

This contest will close at 11:59pm on Friday, September 18th. The winner will be announced the following day and chosen by random.org

Flirty Apron Winner!

2009-09-08T07:53:00.003-06:00

My winner was chosen this morning from Random.org- 44

Congrats to Happy Dash who said " I was just saying to my husband that I need an apron for all this cooking I've been doing lately... great giveaway! Have a great day!"

I think this apron makes me want to cook a little more frequently in the kitchen because it's so dang cute!! Happy cooking!

Flirty Apron Review and Giveaway!! CLOSED

2009-08-31T23:36:00.008-06:00

Here it is ladies, if you've been anticipating like I have, then you'll be so happy to know that I've received my lovely Flirty Apron in the mail! I ripped the envelope open and found a neatly folded apron inside that I couldn't wait to wear (literally). I took off my other apron, and with glee, tied the bow on this little beauty!

Here's what I love:

I love the fabric. It's to die for. Thick enough that it would hold up well in the wash and those beautiful pleats would stand the test of time, but not so thick that it won't move with you as you move around the kitchen.
I love the colors! Red, black, and white...how fun. I enjoyed putting on something a little different than what I'm used to and the patterns were fantastic and eye catching.
I loved the long sache. I had plenty of room if I wanted to tie it up front, around the back in a big bow, or to do whatever I wanted with the long sashes, and I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the company for giving me that room and flexibility.
I loved their punctuality. They told me they were sending the apron out the door and I had it the next day (I believe). That's service!
I love their vintage flair with a modern twist. Their aprons are sexy and flirty while still maintaining a traditional style that I enjoy cooking in...a style of practicality!

The thing I didn't love so much:

I only have one thing to say that I didn't absolutely adore about these aprons. I thought the pockets could have been a bit deeper. I thought the placement was perfect and the width too; but I just wanted a little extra snuggle room for my hands and perhaps a set of keys and a phone when I run to the market in my apron when I've forgotten the cornstarch.

I give Flirty Aprons 4.75 stars for superior craftsmanship, customer communication, design, use of fabrics, functionality, and a little flair!

Way to go girls!

Now it's time for one of you lucky ladies to win one of these incredible aprons...I know mine is know officially a keepsake. Here's how to enter my giveaway for an apron from www.flirtyaprons.com:

1. Leave a comment on this post for one entry.
2. Blog about this for an extra entry (and link back to your post in your comment).**
3. Put the The Pink Teapot button on your blog for an additional entry.**
4. Follow @thepinkteapot on Twitter and tweet about this for another entry.**

5. Become a fan of The Pink Teapot on Facebook for an additional entry.**

This contest will close at 11:59pm on Monday, September 7. The winner will be announced the following day and chosen by random.org

*Any one person can enter up to five times and increase their chances of winning

**You must leave a separate comment for each extra entry.

The little pink book of etiquette

2009-08-25T21:10:00.003-06:00

I found a great book that I thought I would share. This book is a small, practical, and cute guide to etiquette that you're all sure to enjoy! It's found on my nightstand and I frequent it's pages so that I can learn more and love the author's adorable humor- a great read. This would also make a great gift. You can purchase it here.

Too Nice for her own good

2009-08-19T05:00:00.004-06:00

These are some of my favorite emails...the ones that don't necessarily have a cut and dry answer. This particular situation has many different variables and so I put it out to you "Pink Teapotians"...what do you think?

"I have a neighbor who drops by unannounced in the evenings just to say "hello." Sometimes it happens at dinner or bath time. Sometime its just inconvenient because I'm trying to steal a minute for myself. I don't have the heart to be rude, but she drops by with her child and once my child sees who is at the door, I don't have much choice in acknowledging them. When I open the door, her child rushes in and then I have company, even if just for a few minutes.

I might say something like, "Oh I'm busy making dinner and doing laundry." And she might respond with, "we'll just stay a minute." I don't even invite her past the foyer, but even that doesn't seem to get through. Then, we have to pry the kids apart to send them on their way.

What do you recommend?

Signed,
Too Nice for Her own good"

We're all intelligent here. But this takes some thinking. What are the parties' personalities like? What are their needs? There is a basic infringement going on here. The person who is just "coming in" during dinner time or that special time of day is simply infringing upon this person's boundaries.

The one thing I will say is that if we will allow them, others will show us their boundaries. I want to hear from you!! I'm so excited to hear what you have to say to this person! I'm sure they are excited too!

Class is timeless

2009-08-14T14:23:00.002-06:00

I was in one of those reflective moods the other day and I was thinking about class. I was trying to wrap my brain around what it really is and what it means. I think it can mean different things in different situations and to different people. We can't all act the same way in any given situation because we're all different personalities and that would be boring, we weren't built that way, however, there are some constants.

We can always think before we speak...or try-let's work toward that...that's a goal of mine!

We can always err on the side of being kind: we can be nice instead of rude, include instead of exclude, give others the benefit of the doubt (not always easy to do), smile instead of scowl, wave instead of ignore, forgive instead of hold a grudge, and build bridges instead of create gaps.

We can always politely say "no thank you, but thank you for asking...that was so nice" instead of "No!"

We can always say "yes please!"

It doesn't cost you anything to slow down sometimes and take time for others

A sincere thanks via text, email, homing pigeon, or in person looking them right in the eye is so powerful. It may be forgotten by you in a moment's time, but may be remembered by the person being thanked for a lifetime...don't forget to show gratitude

My point is that kindness and class I believe go hand-in-hand, they're close cousins...perhaps even the same thing. I have rarely seen a rude person or a closed off mean person and thought, now there's a person with a lot of class.

I am writing this because I feel that I have a lot to learn in this regard and I think we can all learn from this. Sometimes we are too busy, too proud, too stressed, too stupid, too...whatever to just stop and think about how what we may do, or what we may have done could affect the other person and we need to think about that more often. If we would do that, I can tell you that the world would not only be a more well- mannered place, but a classier place. Things that are vengeful and hurtful would not be said and done so easily, apologies would come more quickly, forgiveness more easily, smiles more readily, and thank-you's more heart felt.

Try it for a week, give it a chance. See what happens.

A difference of "opinion"

2009-07-25T06:40:00.008-06:00

My husband is in the Multimedia field. When people ask me what that means, I say, "he gets to do everything: photography, building websites from the ground up, video/video editing, print work, logos, everything design" you name it, if it's in the realm of multimedia design, he gets to play. One of the advantages of working with a team is that he has tech writers with whom he works. These tech writers are professionals who specifically have English or more specified degrees for which they went to school so that they could learn the English language and be masters at it. The funny thing is that he'll come home after building copy for something and it's standard to run it by at least two tech writers. Each writer will have a different opinion on what is correct and what is not correct (a few commas here, a semi colon there, etc), I thought that was funny- especially when you read later.

I profess to be no such master of our language, however I do know that I seldom go around spewing words that I've looked up just to look smart. I use words that come naturally to me, and if they have not become integrated into my vocabulary by some outside source (my family, reading, ongoing education), they are foreign, but I do love to continue learning and I hope that I do not offend, I do my best to use no dramatic errors while writing or speaking.

This is a long-winded introduction to something that happened in the comments box exactly two months ago that sparked a little debate and I thought we should address it and here's why: If we have something negative or constructive to say to others, we should address it privately. It shows class and restraint. We should always think before we speak (or write). We should know what we're talking about if we are going to address a point. Lastly, we should always remember that it's always right to stand up for ourselves-we must stand up for ourselves. This does not mean being rude, but we should not allow ourselves to be run over at all (or any longer for some of us)- and that's not bad manners. We all have things in our lives that we should just let go, but if you can't let it go and it's just eating you up and you've allowed it to affect how you treat others (or that person) by all means, get it out of the way, but do it with respect...like my brother always says "Git R Done"!

So here's what happened- I wrote This post- and the first comment I got was this (verbatim mind you):

Janine-

I've always been interested in etiquette, and was pleased to stumble on your blog a few months back.

I've tried to ignore this, but unfortunately, I can't do so anymore--your egregious spelling/grammatical errors are, to my eyes, just as bad as having bridal shower guests self-address their own thank-you cards.

So I'm choosing to unsubscribe. I know this may make me seem like a jerk, but there's a disconnect here. I can't take someone seriously in this realm if they can't take the time to learn English properly.

If you agree, and want to address to problem, please consider asking someone to take a quick look over your blog-posts before they go up, or even hiring an editor. You'd do the same for a custom-printed wedding invite or a Christmas update letter, wouldn't you?

And here was my response about an hour later (after some thought):

I appreciate that you have the time to go through my posts and find grammatical errors as well as the spelling errors that my spell check (which is not perfect) didn't happen to catch. Since The Pink Teapot is a blog and not a website, it was never intended to be professional. I have never gained profit of any kind, I have had no formal etiquette training (of which I make all my readers well aware), and I am the first to apologize for my shortcomings.

My grammar will never be perfect. My spelling may never be perfect (unless spell check becomes a little more sophisticated) and I may not have the time necessary to edit my posts as I would like because my main dedication is to my family, first and always.

  So while I appreciate all forms of communication on this blog as they may help me improve, in the future, should you have a truly constructive criticism, email it to me instead of leaving it with a name only in a comment box.  

Good luck in your endeavors and I hope you find another etiquette source that meets your criteria. To avoid offending you in the future, I might suggest that you purchase a professionally edited book.

Janine

This communication was followed by a series of comments by a few of my wonderful readers (a few of whom were truly ticked off), but after I thought about what I wanted to say, I wrote a well thought out response that I thought was neither belligerent or reactive. That's how I'd like to think I live my life, although I know I fall short. For you new-comers, please know that The Pink Teapot will never be perfect, but that my heart will always be in it, and for you stalwarts, thank you for sticking with me even in the summer craze, it will probably always slow down for me in the summer as long as I have children home.

I hope that this communication helps you all in your day-to-day struggles dealing with people who just can't help themselves. We all have people in our lives like that, don't we. Have a fabulous weekend.

The Pink Teapot is one year old!

2009-07-13T09:24:00.003-06:00

One year ago (on July 10th) I started the Pink Teapot. How fitting that on an etiquette blog I'm late posting about my blogiversary, but that's life I guess! Thank you all for making this one of the most rewarding things I do!

Happy Independence Day

2009-07-03T07:40:00.003-06:00

I cannot promise with summer and four little ones keeping me on my toes that I will be posting on my one year "anniversary" (which is on the 10th of July) but I am going to try. I would, however, like to wish my fellow Americans a Happy Independence day. I say Americans only because I know I have readers all over the world whom I very much love and I hope to continue to learn more about your holidays and traditions that I might be able to celebrate them as well.

Today's post is simple. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! I have made past 4th of July holidays so busy that by the time it's over, I'm so exhausted, I can't even remember if I had fun. I'm to the point in my life where I do still love to entertain, but I have limits on how far I'm willing to take that. For example, my crowd will be just as happy with chicken and burgers as they would be with filet mignon rubbed with a homemade rub and homegrown potatoes slow roasted with homegrown herbs. I laugh as I write that because we do have an extensive garden thanks to my husband so some of those things happen anyway, but only out of convenience, I promise!

I have a post I did a while ago for Fancy Friday (ahhh, I miss Fancy Friday...let me get my kids back in school, we'll get there again, I promise)- on Flag etiquette. Maybe you'll learn something new, I know I did.

Have a fabulous weekend and remember to take time to enjoy!

"I'm in the hospital for a baby" etiquette...?

2009-06-13T10:20:00.006-06:00

Yes, I do realize the title of this post is not grammatically correct (disclaimer), but it works for my purposes.

In honor of a dear friend who just had a baby, I'm going to talk about Hospital Etiquette when someone is going to or has had a baby. I realize this is a sensitive subject and everyone is so different that there is no possible way to appease everyone, but I will try.

For the Mom's to be:

This time is about your experience, your laboring to bring a life into this world. It's a time that cannot be re-created or re-experienced. You get one chance to spend time with the ones who are caring for you during labor and then with your sweet baby after delivery- remember that.
It's okay to say no. There is no cause to be rude. Although sometimes we have people in our lives who are pushy or overstep their bounds, we can plan ahead, thus helping to minimize the "drama", let me explain: the day you are in labor is the wrong day to discuss with your mother-in-law that you'd rather she not be in the room as you're delivering your baby. Think ahead of people who you need to discuss this with and have a candid conversation with them. If you are unable to do so in person (because of fear or logistics), a sweet email, filled with excitement about the new baby and a clear invite or boundary given, will help ease that tension.
You need your rest: This is more than an etiquette tip, it's advice from a mother of four. I so enjoy company and love people, but the 48 or so hours we spend in the hospital with a newborn baby combined with the annoying (but necessary) interruptions of the hospital staff, do not create a restful environment to begin with. Mix in all kinds of visitors and you're even more exhausted when you come home even if you thrive on people like I do.

For the Visitor (family or otherwise):

Please respect that it is not the end of the world if you are not there for the actual labor and delivery of your grandchild. Although I understand it may feel that way, it's simply not the time to be imposing on another person. I remember my sweet mother-in-law and I having conversations about this when I was pregnant with my first child and I remember her being so respectful of my wishes. I actually wanted her there just after, and we told the family we'd call them. My husband's family as well as mine respected that and we had all of our family around us within hours of my son's debut into this world.
Please don't ask if you can be there during labor and delivery- and don't just show up. Again, this is a private thing, a painful thing, a wonderful thing. There are so many emotions wrapped up into this event that make it special. It should not be intruded upon by someone else, no matter who that person is.
Don't get your feelings hurt. My wise mother always says, "remember it's not about you, it's about them". I am a tender-hearted person and I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I understand getting my feelings hurt, but this is not about you, this is about the person who is holding that little bundle of joy...remember that.
Don't assume and bring children. It's always best to not bring children to the hospital for so many reasons. They press the call buttons, run around, bring germs along with their sweet faces...none of these things are appreciated. A visit can always wait until they get home from the hospital so you can find someone to tend to your children to go and visit the baby and mother.

This by no means covers all things, but here are a few ideas. I love to hear all about your experiences and the suggestions that you have to help.

Lucky Girl!

2009-06-12T12:32:00.003-06:00

"All American Preppy" who said- "I would love to have a personalized "blogging ideas" notepad like Ashley made for Liene! I absolutely love everything Ashley comes up with!"

Thank you to all who participated, that was a fun giveaway and I agree with all of you that Ashley is tremendously talented all of her creations are amazing! Congrats!

I'm Guest Blogging this week & doing a giveaway here!

2009-06-01T18:01:00.006-06:00

I'm guest blogging at Ashley Brooke Designs this week, so make sure to check out her blog. She has graciously accepted my request to do a giveaway on my blog. She creates beautiful custom paper designs in all forms and is amazingly talented. You can preview some of her work with these images. Please leave a comment below and tell me what type of custom design product you would like to receive from Ashley Brooke Designs. I will choose a winner next week. Good luck!

Elevator man

2009-05-25T07:00:00.005-06:00

Now that you all know that I'm a Danny Elfman fan, as well as an Oingo Boingo enthusiast by the title of this post, let’s write about elevator etiquette, shall we?

While staying at the Ritz in DC with my Mother, I had the pleasure of observing the atrocious manners of some, and the immaculate manners of others (se la vie). One day in particular comes to mind. My mother has had both of her hips replaced and although she is amazing and resilient, she can only do so much, go so fast, and still must use a cane to walk (it's only been three months). We were waiting by the four (yes four) elevators that led to our rooms and she and I were the only ones waiting. Very abruptly, a family came racing to the elevators (two parents, two children maybe 13 and 10). The button had already been pressed, so we all stood there waiting for the elevator to open. When the elevator door just behind the family opened, they quickly shuffled in and did not bother to move to the back therefore leaving no room for my mother. I stared at the father until the door began to close, and as it did, he looked right at me. He must have been unconscious to not recognize that 1. there was a handicapped woman standing there before him; 2. that he didn't make room for her; and 3. that he made no apologies. I was outraged! I don't become outraged very often, but this was my mother we're talking about. She patiently stood there until another elevator opened, by which time another gentleman (yes, a gentleman) let us into the elevator first. I complimented him on his graciousness and good manners. My faith in humanity was restored.

Coming down from our room we got into the elevator with a lovely young couple. I didn't have the pleasure of being introduced to his wife, but his name was Tony. As we stepped in, we made small talk, and as the elevator stopped, Tony let my mother and I exit first- Thank you thank you! We had just about had it with elevator drama on our trip and Tony and his wife came to the rescue. I actually embarrassed myself by running after him to give him my card and told him I'd be writing about this, and so I have.

My sweet sister-in-law-to-be was apologizing for people in her town and their lack of manners as she witnessed some of the same etiquette breaches that I did over the weekend; but this was not a commentary on her town (which was lovely as was her family); It is a commentary on our society "me first, all about me, fabulous me" but what about others? What about opening a door just because? What about a smile just to smile? What about lowering your voice as you use obscenities to describe something? What happened to caring about those around us as much as we care about ourselves? I have faith that humanity is good, alive and well; just not thriving in some places as much as others. As my travels have taken me different places, I have found that each place has a distinct feel. This place had the feeling of busyness in one’s own life (I’m too busy with myself to let a handicapped person on the elevator first). Although I know that many people in the hotel were visiting from various locations, I saw things in local stores and other local public places that led me to this judgement.

I must say that the staff at the Ritz was everything it is supposed to be-gracious, caring, attentive, polite, and generous. I want to thank them for helping to make our trip a memorable one. I also want to thank everyone with whom we had the opportunity to interact-whether they made it pleasant for us or gave me material to write about.

Oh my...I have lots to say

2009-05-18T00:13:00.002-06:00

Life experience is a wonderful thing. I have had many life experiences this past weekend that I would like to share with all of you and I can't wait, however, since I can't decide what time it really is due to jet lag and the fact that I have to get on a plane tomorrow as well, I'll wait until I'm in my comfy chair at home to write all the things I want to share with all of you. Coming soon to an etiquette blog near you!

That's too much info for a first date!

2009-05-14T06:58:00.005-06:00

We were recently the hosts of an all adult dinner party at our home, a proud accomplishment with four little ones. It was enchanting for me as I watched my husband truly delight in our guests' company (as did I of course). You know who you are and since you read my blog and you know I'm going to mention this, you shall remain nameless!

One of our dear friends related an experience she had while attending an event where she knew no one well. She felt uncomfortable at the level of intimate conversation going on, not necessarily because these ladies were being so rude, but perhaps (in my opinion) because they were not considering her feelings or thoughts being someone who was new to this particular situation and could in no way keep up with the inside jokes, the casual sarcasm, or the flagrant disregard for anything private (it seemed). Now I'm not lecturing these ladies by any means, there is nothing like a great group of girlfriends, however, when one is invited to be part of that for a time, that group needs to be sensitive to that one new person's needs, instead of just thinking of their own needs as a group. Someone should to stand up for the little person, the new girl, and it's you...the one reading my blog.

Here are a couple of things to think about:

When in mixed (newer) company, there are topics to avoid: Sex and bodily functions, other people, intense politics, religious differences, and child rearing techniques. You could also add to that list-insistent opinions stated as facts about any topic. I will never forget sticking my whole leg (if you will) in my mouth once when I didn't know a family well at all, and talking about how I thought an establishment could do a little better in this area or that, and it turned out they owned it, nice Janine, nice. I learned my lesson-listen far more than you speak, ask questions about the new person; find out what they're interested in, who they are, where they're from. Most likely you'll find you will have things in common. If not, at least you made an earnest effort and tried your best. If you truly lack for conversation, try The Box Girls they specialize in conversation boxes for different events in your lives, what a fabulous idea!
Think of others, not only of yourself. At times I find that I will talk about my life or doings (when asked) in order to avoid making others feel as though they have to open up, break the ice, someone has to do it! This is an art; one I have not perfected. You have to gauge who that person is, how much they like to converse, how comfortable they are talking on "the first date" and subsequent dates, and read their body language and facial expressions. We went out with friends recently who wanted to know all about a particular topic; they were fascinated by it. I happily delved into this particular topic, but that's where I tried to monitor (maybe not successfully) talking too much and getting too passionate about my subject versus satisfying them in their curiosity. We're going out again soon, so I guess they've given me another chance to work on that "art".
There's always a way out; in this I firmly believe. You are never stuck and here are some tips that I shared with my dear friend- some light and comedic, some matter-of-fact, and some- to the point: "That's way too much information for a first date", "Wow, is it that late? it's past my bedtime!", "That image is going to be in my head all next week, I'm not sure how I feel about that" (all using comedy to lighten the situation but hopefully get your point across-especially when sex is brought up inappropriately). Here is another post I did on gossip that gives some great tips on how to handle a crowd when gossip arises. "I have a date with a bubble bath and have to go, thank you for inviting me", "It's been such a long day ('already'-if during the day) I am going to go home and take a breather, thank you", "Sorry to jet out of here so early, but I have a million things to do (who doesn't), thanks for the invite", "You ladies were so kind to include me, it's so nice to see close friends all together. I have to get going I have_______ to do, thank you" Here I've given you several one liners that tactfully get you out of a situation and allow you to leave. Make sure you convey your thanks, no matter how saucy the gathering got, to the hostess, not forgetting your manners.

We just have to remember that relationships with women are some of the most enriching (or can be) experiences that we will have in this life, as they were meant to be. They are not to replace our spousal relationships, or our relationships with our children (should that be your stage or choice of life), but there is nothing like a good group of girlfriends. For me, most of my girlfriends are scattered all over the place, a sprinkling, if you will. I adore that. I have all kinds of close, adorable, sophisticated, loving, kind, women in my life who enrich me and lift me up. They make me a better person and that's the whole point. I like acquaintances, but I've learned the difference between a true friend, a passing friend, and an acquaintance, all of whom are valid and okay, just different. I remember an email coming around saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and do you know what makes me most grateful? That most of my girlfriends are there for a lifetime. I love you all, you know who you are; thank you for enriching my life and making me a better person.

That's what women are meant to do in your life, so if that's not what's happening, change it up, think about what you're attracting to yourself, and fix it, if needs be. Make friendships a priority, it's a sad thing indeed when people don't have that in their lives.

Love to all, I'm heading out of town so have a glorious spring weekend!

I've said this before...who's not reading this blog!

2009-05-02T15:22:00.003-06:00

So I was listening in on a conversation the other day that went something like this: "Wow! you look so uncomfortable and you're huge, are you due to have that baby yet?" I just about died! The Momma-to-be was dressed all cute and even went to the extra effort to wear lots of jewelry as to bring the eyes upward! There were many things that any person could have sincerely complimented her on. My biggest surprise was to watch this continue throughout the day. What are we not understanding people? It's a virtue to be honest and we must be, but we must also find something sincere to compliment others about. What pregnant woman feels so skinny and hot at 8+ months pregnant? Very few would be my guess and if you do, more power to you! I have posted about this because it seems that every time I'm around a pregnant person, they get someone making a remark like that, which is simply inexcusable. So, let's go through it...compliment them on how they're glowing, their jewelry, their other cute kids, an accessory that they might be wearing, the way they smell, or simply tell them how happy you are to see them! There, I've given you several possibilities and alternatives. Now, my suggestion is to send this post to all your friends via the little envelope at the bottom of this post so that all our friends and family get the hint! I am simply fed up with this for all my lovely pregnant friends' sake. Here's my other post on pregnancy.

I personally cannot physically have children anymore, a decision that was painful and really not mine. I would take pregnancy any day! Pregnant women have done something beautiful and great and I hope we can all be more sensitive to that in the future. I was perhaps a little passionate in my delivery of this post, but I hope I get the loving point across!

Oh, and in addition to this, I'll be posting about how to act in the hospital when a family member or friend has a baby...do's and don'ts. Look out for that one.

When in doubt, do!

2009-04-27T09:43:00.004-06:00

I was talking with a friend recently who had lost a loved one. The one sentiment she expressed to me was that she wished that she had understood before the passing of her loved one, how much it meant to receive that little note or phone call showing that you care.

So often in our lives, we think that when others are going through difficult times, we had best leave them alone to grieve, to recover, to prepare, etc., these are well intentioned thoughts, however, there is nothing wrong with sharing a note, a message, flowers, a frozen meal on a door step, whatever you feel you can do for another person. This expressing of love and caring is often held back because we want to "respect another's boundaries" and yet, the best outpouring of love and support that I have seen in my own neighborhood and circle of friends has been when we have done the exact opposite.

Most of the time, it is a lack of knowing what to do or say that holds us back, our own insecurities, if you will. I have posted on this before. If you have a friend, neighbor, or even an acquaintance who has lost a loved one, I have some suggestions on bereavement correspondence here.

When someone is ill (or their family member is ill) whether an acute illness or chronic, I have some suggestions that I've thought of.

I think that our biggest faux pas is always in lacking to do or say something, ignoring what is in front of us, rather than addressing it. There are always appropriate times and places to do so, but we are never remiss in letting others know that we care, only in ignoring other's suffering.

I know that in my own personal experience I have not been perfect in addressing my loved one's suffering, but I have tried to consistently share caring (and sincere) thoughts with friends and loved ones (and sometimes people with whom I might be less well acquainted) because positive and sincere caring never hurt anyone but I do believe that a lack of concern can be hurtful to those in need.

How does this tie into etiquette you might ask? In every way possible, in my opinion. This is the epitome of etiquette in my mind. True etiquette is not snobbery or the putting on of airs, it is the sincere caring of another's comfort. We want others to feel comfortable in our presence and in genuinely wanting that, if we strive to put ourselves out in situations that may seem awkward (like the ones mentioned above may be for some), we may find that we make new friends, heal another's heart, lift another's burden, or make another feel at ease.

I hope you will take this challenge in it's most pure form and strive to place yourself in this position more often. Even if this means for you writing more Thank You notes, express to others what you have failed to express in the past. Do better and be better.

Fancy Friday-lesson I learned

2009-04-24T06:09:00.002-06:00

I appreciate all my readers being patient with me as I tried my hand at a giveaway. I have been approached (attacked actually) by a gaggle of businesses wanting to do advertising on my blog, giveaways, etc. I have been hesitant and have not known how to handle this; not because of a lack of business sense, but because I'm dealing with an etiquette blog, not a blog I chose to create for financial gain.

I was amazed to see (through site analytics) that my readers did in fact respond to the giveaway and came to my blog to see what all the fuss was about (the first two days), but not a lot of people were either excited about what I was giving away (understandable, it's a practical item, not a pedicure), or interested (because it's not why they come here in the first place).

So I put it to you. Yes, I got some responses. But my readership is quite large, I expected well over 300 comments easily for this giveaway, if not more and I felt like that was a fair estimate. I have over that come to my blog every day. I had a hand full of people leave comments so...was it what I gave away or was it the fact that The Pink Teapot, an Etiquette Blog, threw it's readership for a loop and gave away something.

I realize more and more as I get private emails every day that I have a readership who likes to ask me questions privately, like a private "Dear Abbie for etiquette" type thing, so I don't expect that I will get 100 comments about this either, but I have anonymous comments ladies (and gentlemen) for a reason, or you can email me as you always do! Be honest, tell me your opinion. I write this blog for you, my readers. I always want to improve upon what I'm doing here and make this blog what you want to come and read several times a week (when I'm doing a good job keeping on top of writing).

Happy Friday everybody!

Drum roll please...

2009-04-23T09:30:00.002-06:00

I used the random number generator this morning to choose my winners and I apologize for the automated post this morning, I was supposed to have filled it in, but I was waiting until the last second to allow more comments and then got tangled with life. I'm so sorry!

Thank you to all of you who participated in our giveaway...it was so fun to read all of your comments! I loved knowing how different all of your uses would be and how creative you could get using a business card...who knew! The winner of the 1000 free business cards (to be chosen by the winner) with free shipping is Laurel Plum who said, "I need several cards printed. Business cards and cards exclusive to promote my website. But there is something about my path that is always putting me near tons of people that could use a little help in some way but would not dare ask. The majority of the time it is help I could easily offer or a source I could connect them with. I always give that line, "Call me if you need anything" and my number, but I think a lot of times it does come off as a line they may have heard before. I try to follow up and have gotten to know some well enough that they may take me up on it (what a blessing to me, too!), but only a few. I have been thinking of having calling cards made that simple say "I mean it. Call me." with my info. I thought they would be whimsical for everyday encounters, but the meaning would be so much more for those special connections. It would be interesting to try.

Great giveaway! And since I am normally a lurker, I'll take the opp to tell you how much I adore your site. When we were five our Grandmother gave each of the girls a huge Vanderbilt book of Etiquette. We were obviously too young to use them, then later it became an inside joke. But as an adult, it has been a priceless reference. Your site is a daily reminder of those lessons with up to date practices. Thank you." Congratulations Laurel!

The winner of 500 free brochures is Jennifer Young who said, "What a darling one you created! I would love to include these with a photo of our new baby for an announcement! xoxo". Congradulations Jennifer!

Thank you to everyone again, it was a fun "experiment" for The Pink Teapot to perform and I look forward always to what the future holds! Look for my post tomorrow, it's Fancy Friday...and a good read!

My first giveaway!

2009-04-16T10:28:00.008-06:00

I'm excited...and a little nervous. Thus far I have declined to do giveaways on an etiquette blog because I don't really talk about products, however, I have talked about calling cards specifically, and so I thought, "why not, my readers would love these, I know I do!" and so here we are...prove me right ladies! We are doing a giveaway with Uprinting for 1,000 calling cards (or business cards if you prefer) and another giveaway for 500 brochures. I chose Uprinting for their unique and clean approach to graphic design as well as their seemingly unparalleled customer support (you have live chat with a graphic designer whenever you need help!) Here is a quick calling card that I designed on their site that I love!

The rules are as follows:

Leave a comment telling us what you would use the free printing for
You can choose from any of their stock items
Winners in the US and Canada qualify for free shipping. Shipping fees will apply to winners outside these areas.

Good luck to everyone. I like random number generators, but I may just surprise everyone and pick the most unique comments as the winners! We'll end the giveaway in a week, seven days from today!

Noises in the restroom!

2009-04-14T14:12:00.005-06:00

The worst thing about this post is that it was actually inspired by experience!

I was washing my hands before dinner at one of our favorite restaurants the other night and the most horrendous noises were coming from the stall. Now, I realize this is a restroom, but I believe that talking to yourself is not necessary. I can't explain, I don't have the audio clip, so we'll just leave it at that. Let's do the run down of things we should never do and things we should always do in the restroom:

Leave without washing our hands thoroughly. I say thoroughly because I have seen too many times women get their hands wet, get soap, rinse the non-lathered soap off and dry their hands...what good does that serve? none. 25 seconds of lathering hand washing in warm to hot water to kill germs ladies.
Talk on your cell phone while in the stall. This is wrong on so many levels I won't even take the time to explain why...if you do it, stop it...and for those of us who are privy to those conversations, we should all make those "noises" so those women are horribly embarrassed! (just joking...mostly).
Seat protectors-use them! They are not only there for your protection, but for the person after you as well. Let's face it, it's not the most sanitary place in the world, so save yourself and the person after you some trouble by taking an extra 15 seconds to use the seat protector.
Be aware. I have been asked for toilet paper under a stall door before and been more than happy to give it....what is our alternative ladies if there is NO paper product in the stall. I agree if there is an alternative, use it, but otherwise, you may ask because the alternative is horribly unpleasant!
Wait your turn. If there is a line, make sure you pay attention to who was just in front of you and who was just behind you so that you know exactly where you are in line in order to help others feel at ease.
Use a paper towel at the door to help yourself out. I have seen more and more at restaurants that they use a waste receptacle at the door so that we may throw away our last paper towel after we've used it to open the door...the reason? refer to rule # 1!
Keep noises and talking to a minimum. We have all day to talk and most things are not so crucial that they can't wait until we are out of the bathroom stall. Of course we have bodies and our bodies are not perfect, nor am I suggesting that they should be or that we should cause ourselves pain and discomfort, but elective talking and such can and should be avoided while in the bathroom stall.
If it is a single restroom and the door is locked when you try, leave it and wait. The worst thing I've had happen to me is when someone repeatedly tries (like 6 or 7 times in 30 seconds) to open the door. Now I understand that everyone must use the restroom but this doesn't make it any easier for the person occupying the restroom...and in fact it may take them longer because of the induced anxiety...so try once and leave it! If you simply cannot wait..the men's room usually has a much faster turn around and it's acceptable in that situation to use the men's room and in fact more restaurants should have signs that show the women's room and then the mens/women's room for the women's comfort (in my opinion).

I'd love to hear your pet peeves as well and other suggestions that I may have left out...these are all things (unfortunately) that I've dealt with personally and I'm happy that my misfortune has led to this post! Good luck in the restroom jungle!

"I'm a Fan"

2009-04-11T22:58:00.002-06:00

Thank you to Brittany from "Food for Thought" for this award...how clever and cute!~

It's just another manic Monday...

2009-04-06T10:23:00.003-06:00

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it!~ Franklin P Jones

Now I'll tread lightly here since I was just barely late getting breakfast made for Sunday morning when my family arrived; again proving that I'm not perfect! I've done a lot of reading and it's sad to read how these days instead of being "fashionably late", people just flat out don't show up to events they've promised to attend without a phone call or email. I attended one such event the other night. A prominent businessman was speaking and called out his friends who had promised to be in attendance but had not even bothered to show up. This happened to be one of those times where we were 1/2 hour early. I like to be early to greet others as they arrive and to absorb the feel of the room.

In contrast, I was heading with a group of ladies to dinner the other night and we were supposed to meet at 6pm and I didn't get there until 6:08. I know what you're thinking, that's not a cardinal sin...but I was late, not early. Now I had excuses in my head, I had to drop off one child at practice, drop off a friend at their home....but these are not excuses. I'm not sitting here beating myself up, it's just a call to reality.

Here's the reality, are you ready?

We do the best we can. In my mind, if we're going to be late, we usually know it on our way to our destination. Call, text, send a homing pigeon...let that person know that you're going to be late and apologize. Also let them know to get started without you if they need to.

Try your best to plan out your day so that you don't have so much to do that you are always late to everything. There are several things we enjoy being early to, in fact, everything, but often it sets the mood...one of calm and peace instead of panic and anxiety. Plan well and don't cram.

Follow through. Do what you say you're going to do. This isn't always possible. Things come up, health, weather, etc. but when something does come up, again have the integrity to call or email and let that person know that something has come up so that they know you care enough to have made the effort; but try to make your commitments.

All the clocks in my home (except for those darn satellite clocks) are set 12 minutes ahead. I like it that way. Yes I know it, but it still keeps me thinking about the time and I'm always a little ahead.

The basic moral of the story is that we've all gotten too busy...busy with I don't know what...just life. We need to slow down just a bit, re-prioritize, and make time for what's important. Then we'll find that though we may not be 15 minutes early for lunch, we will feel better about what we're spending our time doing.

Here is a great article on the importance of punctuality and what it says about us!

Fancy Friday-our Flag

2009-03-27T09:18:00.005-06:00

The Flag Code, which formalizes and unifies the traditional ways in which we give respect to the flag, also contains specific instructions on how the flag is not to be used. They are:

The flag should never be dipped to any person or thing. It is flown upside down only as a distress signal.
The flag should not be used as a drapery, or for covering a speakers desk, draping a platform, or for any decoration in general. Bunting of blue, white and red stripes is available for these purposes. The blue stripe of the bunting should be on the top.
The flag should never be used for any advertising purpose. It should not be embroidered, printed or otherwise impressed on such articles as cushions, handkerchiefs, napkins, boxes, or anything intended to be discarded after temporary use. Advertising signs should not be attached to the staff or halyard
The flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag patch may be used on the uniform of military personnel, fireman, policeman and members of patriotic organizations.
The flag should never have placed on it, or attached to it, any mark, insignia, letter, word, number, figure, or drawing of any kind.
The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, carrying, or delivering anything.

I got all this information US Flag.org there is more information available here in regards to the flag and how to treat it.

What do I call you?

2009-03-18T09:53:00.003-06:00

So we have addressed this topic before to some extent, but here is a situation that a reader presented, then I will follow with my opinions:

"I had a somewhat awkward situation that I would be interested in hearing your opinion on. I was calling to RSVP to a high school friend's baby shower. I didn't know who I was calling (they only gave a number to RSVP to). When the someone answered the phone, I identified myself and said I was "RSVPing" to the shower. The women didn't recognize my last name and asked me how I knew this friend. I told her high school, at which the women exclaimed "OH, KATE! Of course! This is Clair, Susan's mom!" I felt a little uncomfortable because I had never addressed my friend's mother by her first name, only as Mrs. Smith. I realize that I'm now an adult, but at what point is it okay to address an adult by their first name? Do you continue to call all adults by Mr. or Mrs. until they give you permission? Do I only address people that way who are older than me? I feel like I'm at an awkward transition period. I don't want to be rude, but adults keep insiting I call them by their first name."

Dear Anonymous:

First of all, let's review that when writing an invitation of any kind, our names should appear, as well as our phone number to RSVP. Here is some more useful information about "RSVPing" (I know it's not a real word).
Second, if you're married now and you are calling about any prior acquaintance, the chances of your calling someone who knows your maiden name better raise slightly. I try to simply identify myself as Janine (maiden name) (married name), that helps cut down on the confusion.
Third and most importantly, I think this all has to do with a matter of comfort. My mother has had a friend her entire life who we grew up calling Sam. She was never "Mrs. Best" or any other title. That was a special exception because of our family's close relationship. However, now that I'm a grown woman with a family, I would always feel comfortable addressing other adults by their first name, after being prompted several times. Sometimes it makes others around us feel more comfortable if we do so. We have to take each situation and think about it individually. Do all the kids in the neighborhood call me my special nickname that a few of the tender close children do in my life? No, but that's an individual situation. I have nephews and nieces who call me that nickname too, and don't call me Aunt Janine. I'm just fine with that, in fact, more comfortable with that as I know they are. Here's some more about titles.

Again, it's about what makes others feel more comfortable around you. If it makes "Mrs. Smith" feel more comfortable for you to call her Claire, then call her Claire...if she's introduced herself as that and you're not sure, next time you see her, ask her, may I call you Claire? Or you may simply go on calling her Mrs. Smith until (and if) she corrects you.

I hope this helps, it's never a cut and dry thing, it's always looking at each situation and remembering to help those around you to feel comfortable and at ease in your presence, something we're all learning to do.

For more information on written correspondence, this is a great post and you have my permission to send this link to your friends.

Personal Space...?

2009-03-12T08:10:00.003-06:00

"What is the best way to excuse guests to leave your home after a gathering? Or is there no proper way? I often have moms and kids over for play groups and enjoy having ladies over for dinner parties. But even if I specify a time frame with the invitation, the guests often over stay their welcome. I often find myself thinking, "okay, you've been here for two hours and I have things to get done."

This can be difficult, especially if you have several people over. Here are some of my suggestions:

Even though you may have set a time frame, you can't expect your guests to remember that, so as the time draws to a close, thank everyone for coming, tell them what a nice time you've had visiting with them all, and that you can't wait until you can do it again....like this, "Well thank you all for coming, it was so nice to see everyone, I loved talking with you all. When are we getting together next month, on the third Wednesday? That will be so fun; thanks again for coming...now does anybody need help out with anything?" If you're sincere, your friends will feel that from you.
When it's time for your event to come to a close and your guests are just having too good a time to listen...speak up, you can always say, "Thank you all for coming, I loved having you...I have some things I need to finish tonight before bed, I'm sorry we have to wrap this fun night up (or afternoon), I love having good friends!"
The best policy is honesty, but you can do that with class and a smile. Make plans after play group for example: to organize something just after the baby goes down for a nap. Be honest and straightforward, everyone appreciates that, but always follow it up with graciousness. Letting them know how grateful you are that they came will mean a lot to them.

I hope this has helped. When the gathering is less formal, like with family, I just tell them we're tired after a few hours of playing and it's after midnight...use your closeness to be your guide also. Good luck, I want to hear how this goes next time!

A Classy Lady

2009-03-10T15:17:00.003-06:00

I thought this quote from Audrey Hepburn went along perfectly with what I try to say to you, my readers...and how I try and live my life (imperfectly of course). “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.” A lady with true class and elegance who's style and grace is timeless.

Give Me "Five"

2009-03-09T11:36:00.005-06:00

"I would love to hear about how to teach children to have good manners. This is very important to me that my dd has good social graces. I believe this is to show respect for herself and others. She's turning 2 next week, so I know the best way is by example. But I would love to hear tips and such to use when she is older."

I love this question, thank you for asking it. As my children grow, I've come to understand that manners and etiquette truly come as a process in life. We learn simple things as small children, like how to say please and thank you (as early as 1 1/2 or 2) and as we grow, we learn not to hit, to say "sorry", to take turns, etc. These things are all part of the process.

As far as sitting down and teaching manners to children, I have come up with some things that I feel are important to teach my children, so that's the experience that I can talk about.

To treat every person with respect-It's crucial to teach our children that though every person is different, every person has the right to be treated with basic human respect. This does not mean that we trust every person, that we place ourselves in dangerous situations, but that we treat others with kindness whenever possible. I've talked about this before here.
Answer the phone well- I know this may sound silly, but first impressions say a lot. I have taught my children to say, "Hello "Smiths" this is "Carlie" speaking. May I please ask who's calling? One moment please. Then they are never to yell at me to summon me to the phone, they are to leave the phone and come find me, or bring the phone to me. It's a privilege in our home to answer the phone, not a right.
Give me "Five"- Please, Thank you, I'm sorry, Excuse me (or pardon me), and you're welcome which goes along with this post. These are things that every child needs to learn how to say. They need to also understand how to be sincere in saying these things. Sincerity of heart starts with our example.
Adults are not their equals- Children need to learn not to be afraid of adults, but to respect their elders. This is not an outdated concept as some would have us believe, but a lost art. People who are older than we are have more experience and wisdom than we do, and that position demands our respect. We need to teach our children that the most wise people they will ever know will be their grandparents if they have them, or the elderly people in their life. If they don't have the privilege of having grandparents, take them to a retirement home and volunteer there as a family. Let your children interact with the people there, you may be surprised to find out just how much these wonderful people have to say and how much we have to learn. I know these experiences in my life have been very fulfilling and spending quality time with my grandmother every weekend growing up brings back fond memories...she taught me to love some of the finer things in life.

Here are a few more ideas from a previous post called, "My top Five" which deals with some other crucial manners to teach our children.

I would like to hear from you

2009-03-03T14:56:00.003-07:00

I can see that many wonderful people come to this blog daily and read my posts (or simply peruse through my posts) and I'd like to know what you'd like to read more about. I have many ideas but it's always good to hear from my readers. I get great emails and answer them individually, but rather than use those as a public forum all the time, I want to know what you want more information about. Whether you leave your name or not, it makes no difference. Leave me a comment and tell me what you want to learn more about. I'm interested, this will be fun!

PDA...not your mother's palm pilot-Early Fancy Friday

2009-02-26T22:19:00.001-07:00

Amanda Gamble from All Experts.com has given some great advice on public displays of affection. Now, before I give you an excerpt from her article, I want to state for the record that I have been head over heels in love with my husband for thirteen years and that we are caught (mostly by our children) stealing a smooch in public every now and again, it keeps it exciting and romantic. This, however, is not what I am referring to. I am referring to making others feel uncomfortable in your presence. I hold hands, we put our arms around each other, we're more in love today than we were thirteen years ago, but we certainly (I would hope) control ourselves and have always tried to act appropriately. Amanda said, "Good manners dictate that you be very considerate of those around you and try to make them feel as comfortable as possible. So therefore, enthusiastic PD of A are....not acceptable."

She hit the nail on the head in my opinion. Again, as I always say, good manners are there to help others feel more comfortable in our presence, and how could they possibly do that with us all over another person? Here is the letter written to her and her response in it's entirety.

On another note, please help me climb up on my soap box....thank you. I was watching a program the other day and was shocked as a well mannered woman behaved in a way that I considered less than....well mannered. We all have our pitfalls, we all have our challenges, but this was absolutely it for me. Let me just say, it is not our place ladies and gentlemen, to be correcting others on their behavior. It is our place to learn good manners and etiquette and live that to the best of our ability, but the epitome of bad manners is to appear to have good manners and etiquette and then go on to correct others around you, especially on a constant basis. No one is perfect, so we should be very careful. I have said many times that I write this blog as much for myself as I write it for each one of you. Okay....I'm climbing back down now. I need to get a real soap box so I can actually stand on it while I write these!

Technilogically savvy

2009-02-23T09:33:00.007-07:00

Let's chat (I imagine over a cup of tea...smile) about technology etiquette. This is a vast topic that I cannot hope to cover in one day, but I'm going to hit some key points and reference some great articles.

Cell phones- I love my cell phone so that I can connect to the world when I need to and my children can get a hold of me anytime, but it has its limitations. My parents don't care for texting as a method of communication, and frankly, it took some convincing for me to like it, but I do text. I have fallen into the trap however of texting things that should have been said face-to-face or at least over the phone; a lesson well learned for me. Here are some texting tips and other cell phone tips.

Blogging-I hope that I haven't infringed on any of these, but nonetheless, unedited, here they are; the best blogging etiquette tips that I have found. There are so many kind of blogs out there for so many purposes.

Facebook and other social websites- This was the best and most simple list I came across and although when you click on the link you'll find more people who didn't like the article, I liked it, so if you value my opinion, you won't be disappointed.

Email- This has become our new letter-writing. I remember the days when letters back and forth still were something worth waiting for; now its more the mentality of, "facebook message me, text me, or email me". Where has personal communication gone? I like email and again, it's not email itself that's the problem, but how we use it. Here are the ten things you never put in an email...a fail safe.
Instead, you can check out this list for some ideas that are meant for professional emails but extend to any email that you are sending, it doesn't matter to whom or for what reason.

Common courtesy always applies but sometimes we can get lost. I am a very social person so perhaps my downfall would be to share too much on a social website or something to that effect. We all have our pitfalls, it's always a good thing to have a list of reminders we can refer to!

My 100th Post- Spa Etiquette-the Fanciest Friday yet!

2009-02-20T17:35:00.003-07:00

Going to the spa can be a luxurious and wonderful experience, but it can also be a little scary and intimidating if you don't know what to expect or if you are surprised by something you don't expect to see.

I found a lot of good advice on Spavelous.com and although it's still a little shock for me to walk into the women's spa area and find a woman completely naked in the hot tub, apparently, it's up to the spa's individual etiquette and rules and your comfort level, but ladies...if we can wear a suit in the tub, please do. When in the sauna, it's understandable that you would only want a clean towel on, and in other areas, please use the robes and slippers provided. You'd be surprised what can be passed along (disease wise) when you don't wear the proper foot wear so make sure you're going to a reputable place that cleans its equipment properly, it's okay to ask. Never shower without footwear, that's not okay. If there are only locker rooms and no private dressing rooms, you may either choose to dress under your robe, dis-robe and dress right there, or pick a bathroom stall and take your clothing along. Check out that link above for a complete list of things to remember and think about...and remember, it's not selfish to take care of yourself. We made it to 100 posts together!

Premio Dardos Blog Award

2009-02-18T23:30:00.002-07:00

Thank you to Nicol for this beautifully drafted award. I love the artistic creativity of this award, bravo to the artist, whomever he/she may be. As you know, and some of you may not, I do not pass along awards because of the nature of my blog, which I know makes it all that much more difficult to give me an award that needs to be passed along! Nicole is from Classy and Sophisticated which is such a cute and cleaver name for a blog, keep up the good work and well done on picking other classy blogs that are deserving of such an honor as I hope to be. Thank you again Nicol.

Hospital Etiquette-up close and personal

2009-02-07T06:01:00.005-07:00

Any of you who have read my posts know how close I am to my mother. She recently has had major surgery and therefore I have not had time to write (I have had many thoughts on travel etiquette again, but these things trump them). I hope you will forgive my lack of posts this week, as I realize there has been silence for an entire week now, I do apoligize for that, I love to keep this blog up and I love to hear back from you, my readers...thank you all for your kind and sincere comments.

While flying to be here before the surgery, I anticipated many things, but one thing I had not anticipated, was how we were going to be treated at the hospital. I have had experience where this is concerned and realize of course that no one is perfect, but I was shocked to have the following experience (much abbreviated for your convenience).

We were not updated on my mother's condition while in recovery from major surgery for several hours and she had major complications last time with the same outcome, so I was thinking we were in for a repeat performance. Despite repeated and patient attempts to acquire knowledge as to my mother's well being, we had no information and waited literally four hours for information that should have come within half of an hour.

When entering ICU, she was attended to by nurses, understandably, but after not knowing how she was, I was waiting outside the room, being gently nudged by a very kind ICU nurse, to go and give my mom a hug. As I entered my mother's room, I was greeted with hostility by these two nurses who not only wanted me to leave, but were so upset that I had dared say (earlier in the day) that communication had been poor. There was no apology, no sympathy (forget the empathy), just arrogance. Now, I have had enough experience with this industry to understand (sympathize) with the difficulty of this situation and the gravity and enormity of their jobs, but it is not beyond anyone to be kind, I don't care what we've been through, we always have a choice...don't we.

I have found a great article that is linked to here and I'd love it if you took the time to read it and understand a little bit more about hospitals, how they're run, and how we can all do our part to make this a better experience for everyone, because we'll all find ourselves in one....one day, whether for ourselves or for a loved one.

I had the patient representative visit our room yesterday afternoon (I haven't explained a fraction of the neglect and rudeness that took place) and she said to me, "I'm amazed that you are so kind and caring, and so well-mannered, I'd be so mad right now, I wouldn't be nice to 'me'". I thought about that last night, she was so sweet and kind and even the "mean" people deserve my respect and I will use my manners no matter who I'm around because we learn by example and maybe one day, you can touch someone else's life.

Outside my mom's window yesterday morning, were the most beautiful camellias I've ever seen, that's why I have a picture of them, and I have very fond memories as a child of visiting gardens where they grow and flourish. Thank you mom for teaching me and letting me grow and flourish.

Fancy Fridays: Titles

2009-01-30T09:53:00.002-07:00

Here is an email from a reader:

"About 6 or 7 years ago, my friend called to tell me that she was going to expect her daughter (and her other kids) to address me as Mrs. Smith, rather than Kate. She wanted to let me know so that if her daughter called me Kate, I could gently correct/remind her to call me Mrs. Smith. I thought that was such a great idea that I began to implement that with my children as well.

Today when my daughter came home from playing with a friend, she told me that her friend said she can call adults the same thing that her mother calls them - not using a proper title. I said, "Well, that is there choice, but you know the rule in our family." When I talk to my friends and neighbors, I call them by their first names, but when I speak to my children about other adults, I use Mr. or Mrs. My kids are in that habit and I think it is important etiquette to show respect to adults. I even correct other children when they call me Kate - it actually kind of shocks me when they do!"

Titles are important and we should be teaching our children at home. I think that it's important that the teaching come from us, the parents, because that's what our children will remember. My son's friend may be afraid of me if I remind him to call me Mrs. Smith, but if I'm reminding my son to call his friends' moms by their proper titles, it doesn't matter how often they ask him to call them by their first name, he goes on calling them by their proper title as a sign of respect. My kids and I have not had formal discussions about this at all, but I notice that we have a neighbor who announces herself by her first name when talking to the children and they still call her Mrs. ABC...it's just habit, that's all it is.

There are exceptions to this rule. I have very close friends whose children are more like my kids or my nieces and nephews who call me a special nick name and not only do I not mind it, I welcome it..but that's special and not for everyone. In intimate circumstances I think you can change the "rules" but in general, our children need to remember to respect our elders and that's a good start. If they can't remember Mr. or Mrs. whatever...start with a generic Ma'am or Sir.

A good giggle

2009-01-27T18:05:00.003-07:00

I do have a sense of humor, I hope that comes across in my posts and today I'm feeling light-hearted and wanted to share this with you all. I have worked in many different types of industries, mostly in fashion, but I did also work in the customer service industry quite a bit. I find the decline in service just appalling and this just about sums it up for me-I found this while waiting for my plane at my new favorite airport.

Southern charm

2009-01-26T04:47:00.003-07:00

I'm blogging today from the DFW airport as I wait for my flight. It's my turn to give an award.
I have never seen paralleled manners to this city. I have encountered families and certainly people with impecable manners but an entire city? I was coming to the airport early this morning (about 4:50am CST) and everyone from the front desk clerks at the hotel to the taxi driver...to the airport security...who helped me place my laptop back in it's protective sleeve-who takes the time to help someone else at the airport these days, it's kill or be killed it seems. I have thuroughly enjoyed my time here and would highly recommend this city to travelers. I most recently purchased a few items for my family and my hands were pretty full but it was manageable; I had the items and the sales clerk lept from her space to help me with my items. She is from Africa and obviously was taught well from a very young age. She talked about her family and her father and his business with people a little bit, but I complimented her on her awareness and manners and she just lit up like a flashlight. Go make someone's day!

Oh, and...they have free internet stations for your use...who does that? I'm truly impressed Dallas, I'll be back!

Thank you Masked Mommy

2009-01-23T13:26:00.006-07:00

Thank you Masked Mommy for my award, I truly appreciate the recognition. In order not to confuse my readers, I have a side column marked "awards" where I have placed my awards. I didn't learn this until after receiving an award, but now the most recent two awards appear there. I am happy to accept this award and am grateful for it, but I hope you will understand why my award stays in the "Awards" section. There are also countless blogs that I could mention and so I gracefully decline to "tag" 10 blogs.

Thank you again for this honor, I feel truly blessed and humbled that you would think of me. I hope that you will forgive my not passing along the award as there are too many blogs to single ten out. All my gratitude~

Have a nice day

2009-01-19T21:33:00.003-07:00

Traveling this past weekend was such an eye opening experience. There were a few things that I noticed that I thought worth mentioning. As I was at the airport, I was buying a few things in the gift shop and the sales clerk said, "have a nice day" after we had exchanged some small pleasantries, and I looked her right in the eye and said, "you have a wonderful day too". She was shocked. She said that she hears "you too" and that sort of thing in all kinds of tones, but how often do we think of how we respond to others who are serving us. Make eye contact, be sincere, and think about their day...truly be sincere about what you're saying, and see what a difference it makes to them, and to you.
The other thing I thought about while traveling: I had purposely avoided watching the news story about the plane going down in the Hudson because I didn't want to know, the night before we flew out. Once at my destination, I listened to my wise mother talk about all the amazing things that this pilot did to save these people and the precision and forethought it took, not to mention bravery, to carry out all those tasks. I don't normally talk about current events on this blog, but this exceptional event of courage and heroism is worth talking about. My mother was talking about how much the flight attendants do need our attention when we're sitting in our seats "listening" to them. We also should take very seriously sitting in the exit row and when a verbal confirmation is asked for when sitting in the exit row, give it solemnly and understand that you may be partially responsible for helping your fellow passengers to exit the plane safely.

I believe this ties beautifully into etiquette because it's about others. When dealing with retailers it's about thinking about their day, not just yours. When we're talking about flight attendants and airline travel, it's about courtesy in listening and accepting responsibility. I saw one man last night on his phone while the instructions were being explained to him (no doubt he's well traveled) and he felt that sitting in an exit row wasn't a big deal and he didn't need to listen and didn't need to verbally commit to the flight attendant. She asked him to get off his phone (which he did after several minutes) and accepted his responsibility. I want people who care about others helping me off the plane, how about you. Take care of each other with bravery, selflessness, and kindness.

if you can't say anything nice...

2009-01-11T23:38:00.003-07:00

when in the company of someone or persons who begin to talk about another person, what do you do? Listen in? Add your thoughts?

The best thing we can do to detour this kind of behavior is to either re-direct the conversation politely, which is actually very easy to do (look below) or if you simply cannot, walk away...that's right...I give you permission to stand up or turn around and simply walk away.

I am certainly not perfect and have made mounds of mistakes in my life and continue to do so, I will also use the advice I give to better my life, which is one of the reasons I have this blog.

Picture this: You're at lunch with seven other women from your general area (work, neighborhood, building, play group, gym, whatever...) and the conversation casually turns to Freida, the friend who couldn't make it and everyone knows she's having marital problems let's say. One lady at your lunch tells details that she heard from another of Freida's friends whom you don't know...or you do know her, it doesn't really matter. Another of the ladies at lunch chimes in with how poorly her kids are doing in school because of the whole situation. It's really already gone too far. But, at this point, you step in, be brave, and say, "You know what? It might hurt Freida's feelings to know that we're discussing her without her being here, I'm sure she needs our support and comfort right now" PAUSE "You're all so nice to care about her situation so much...but I haven't heard a thing about how all of your are doing?" There it is, plain and simple. If that doesn't work or you get a look like you just walked in without clothes, simply excuse yourself and let the ladies know that you'll see them later and simply walk out with a smile.

Sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing, in fact, most of the time, the right thing isn't the easy thing, but it still needs to be done.

Funeral Etiquette

2009-01-05T16:50:00.004-07:00

No, it's not a fun topic, certainly not upbeat, but one that needs to be addressed. We've talked about bereavement in some forms and these are just some tidbits that I'd like to add about funerals and funeral services.

Attire- Muted colors are appropriate unless you have been given specific instruction to wear bright colors...I did attend a funeral like that once. White and red are generally not seen at funerals and should be avoided, unless the "white" is a white button up shirt for men or women.

Viewing- The most recent viewing I attended had a line where we were able to meet and greet family members of the deceased if we didn't know them, and to say hello and convey our sympathies and offer very short sentences or memories about what we may have remembered. This time to see the family is to be kept brief. They have many people who want their attention and want to offer their sympathies and it's always kind to think of the people having to stand in that line as well and how difficult it must be.

Service- It is customary for those in attendance to stand while the casket is brought into the room, or if the casket is already in the room, it is customary at times to stand, if so instructed, while the family enters the funeral.

Procession to cemetery- Please, please...even if you know where the burial site is, please wait until the hearse and any other family cars have left before you follow. Keep your lights on so that others in traffic might be aware that you are in a funeral procession.

Other thoughts: It's always a good idea in my opinion, to trust what you feel. Don't let fear or what others say hinder you from making a phone call to the family or sending a letter of condolence. I have said before and I will say again, we will regret the decisions to treat others poorly in this life, that is what I believe we will regret when we are older...or even gone depending upon what your beliefs are. Personally, I would want to know that I was loved and cared for, even if I didn't answer the phone.

If you are a friend or family member and can offer any assistance, again, look at this post for some ideas of what you can do that might be helpful.

Its also a good idea to remember that there is a lot of initial attention given to those who are bereaved, but that soon, we go back to our lives and hope that they have gone on with theirs or that they aren't as sad anymore. The truth is that the pain of losing someone doesn't ever go away, it just dulls a bit over time, or those sad times when you think of them come less frequently, but there is always enough room for everyone to help.

Goodbye 2008...

2008-12-31T10:31:00.002-07:00

I am thrilled with the success of The Pink Teapot thus far and I wanted to share a little of it with you. We have reached 50 countries in a little less than seven months. If this blog has helped even one person in one situation, I have succeeded...actually, I have learned a lot, so it's a success no matter what!

I have listed the countries below! Happy New Year, be happy and safe, and always be better!!
USA
Canada
Mexico
UK
Australia
New Zeland
India
Germany
Spain
South Africa
France
Netherlands
Brazil
Singapore
Chile
Romania
Norway
Indonesia
United Arab Emirates
Sweden
Argentina
Nepal
Turkey
Poland
Thailand
Hungary
Portugal
Denmark
Hong Kong
Ireland
Russia
Italy
China
Belgium
Pakistan
Libya
Philippines
Guatemala
Finland
Puerto Rico
Malaysia
Greece
Japan
Saudi Arabia
Switzerland
Iran
Israel
Taiwan
Jordan

New Year's Party

2008-12-29T17:44:00.003-07:00

Here are a few tips for any party, but I think with the ensuing new years festivities, we could all use a little reminder/refresher course on our party etiquette.

Greet guests at the door.
Be cheerful and pleasant at all times.
Introduce everybody to each other.
Keep the food and drinks coming.
Keep circulating making sure everyone is engaged.
Have at least one planned activity.
If children are coming, have kid friendly food and an activity planned.
Pay attention to your guests needs.

My Christmas Present to you...

2008-12-25T01:38:00.002-07:00

I thought I'd give you a little something...a little piece of myself. I know I share my opinions with you when I post on my blog, but this is more personal. My mom said something the other day that was so profound that I truly had to think about it and I had a personal tragedy hit our family today that was beyond devastating and here is the thought that she gave, "Forgiveness isn't earned, it's given". I know it's simple, but if you really think about it, whether this time of year or any, we should be letting go of things that hold us back and not only moving forward, but doing better, being better, and loving better. Life is precious and can be taken in an instant. How would each of us feel leaving each relationship we have individually with people close to us if they passed away tomorrow? Any regrets? Anything you'd say to them or do differently? If so, please don't wait. Merry Christmas.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip ten

2008-12-24T08:56:00.002-07:00

Don't start decorating for the holidays until after Thanksgiving. Once Santa has passed by in the Macy's parade, you're good to go. Earlier than that, and it may seem as if you never bothered to take anything down from last year! This tip will be helpful for the upcoming year when I want to start listening to Christmas music in July (just kidding). Its true though, as much as Christmas is a wonderful holiday, we really as Americans need to give Thanksgiving the respect it deserves. I have, however, seen "Halloween" and "Thanksgiving" trees...whatever floats your boat. This year I did actually put up my decorations two days before Thanksgiving because we were leaving the state and would be gone for over a week and I knew I'd be coming home to holiday madness. My point is that there are always extenuating circumstances!

Merry Christmas to you all, have a wonderful holiday!

Janine

Naughty or nice etiquette tip nine

2008-12-22T18:22:00.002-07:00

There's no obligation to send holiday cards at all. Too stressed? Forgo the tradition this season, but vow to get in touch at another time of year: Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, first week of fall, etc. You'll have more time for writing cards and hopefully won't view it as such a chore.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip eight

2008-12-18T23:43:00.003-07:00

When you receive a holiday card from someone you didn't send one to, reciprocation is optional, although thoughtful. Send if you wish. But beware of turning the exchange of holiday cards into a table tennis match. Say a card arrives from your cousin Bonnie on the second day of Christmas, and oops, you'd accidentally forgotten her. Instead of thwacking a card back across the Web — which may seem perfunctory rather than sincere — wait a few weeks and write her a letter. Or, call Bonnie to thank her for such a thoughtful note. In fact, there's no obligation to send holiday cards at all. Too stressed? Forgo the tradition this season, but vow to get in touch at another time of year: Valentine's Day, Fourth of July, first week of fall, etc. You'll have more time for writing cards and hopefully won't view it as such a chore.

It's funny, I love getting holiday cards out, and all eighty-something are still sitting on my kitchen desk simply waiting for stamps now. you'd think I'd be ale to enlist some little hands for help! Better later than never, right?

Naughty or nice etiquette tip seven

2008-12-10T11:20:00.005-07:00

If you're creating a holiday "newsletter" to send with cards, keep your readers in mind. Newsletters should be short (a page or less) and sweet. Keep them upbeat — most people don't want to hear about your dental surgery. On the other hand, avoid turning your letter into a brag sheet. Saying, "Sam and I were lucky enough to visit Europe — at long last!" is low-key and friendly. But "Sam and I spent a week at a deluxe French spa and were utterly pampered" screams "Don't you wish you were us?" Personalize each copy with a handwritten salutation and always sign your name. Also, be sure you're sending the newsletter only to people who are genuinely interested in your family news. Try a "top 10 reasons we're grateful" letter or a funny poem about silly things you've all said this past year...like I said, keep it light and keep your readers in mind...remember, do unto others, right?

A quick insert with your Christmas card with a blog address (if you have one) is a great way to allow people to keep up with your happenings without making them feel obligated to read the letter you've sent them. I apologize if our letters were every boring or overly informative...the blog will hopefully take care of that!

So...what do you think?

2008-12-05T17:33:00.002-07:00

I'd love to hear from all you lovely people and please tell me what you think of the new music. I absolutely loved getting this playlist together because I've had people tell me they keep my blog in the background just to listen! How sweet is that.

One more thing. I have a sweet blog follower how volunteered to make me a "pink teapot" apron. Check her out at Dovies Aprons Thank you Jan! The funny thing about it is that I picked out the fabrics before Hannah Craner re-designed my blog...it's all fate!

Christmas is here...new music!

2008-12-03T23:13:00.001-07:00

I have taken the liberty of adding holiday music to my blog for the season. Come check it out if you're using a reader and listen to some of my classic favorites!

Naughty or nice etiquette tip six

2008-12-03T21:46:00.002-07:00

Re-gift rarely...if ever. You have a surplus of "stuff," and it seems like the best way to downsize is to pass things on to other people. Makes sense. Problem is, if the truth emerges, two loved ones will feel hurt — the original giver (because you obviously didn't value her choice) and the recipient (who thought you'd take the time to find something special just for her). The basic guidelines for re-gifting: First, you must be positive that the gift is something the recipient would love. Second, the item must be brand new and in its original package. And third, it shouldn't be something the original giver took great care to select just for you.

Naughty or nice etiquette tip five

2008-12-01T22:23:00.003-07:00

When you receive horrible, wrong-size or duplicate gifts, smile, say something polite, extend a thank-you...let's say its a "collectors" plate of Yosemite (not that it's a bad thing for all people, that may be your thing)! You can probably come up with something appreciative to say: "This is so thoughtful! You know how much I love the outdoors." But being gracious about a gift doesn't mean you always have to keep it. Yes, if the item is one of a kind or homemade — like a painting or a knitted scarf — you need to keep it. Otherwise, you can take the item back to the store and exchange it for something else. And when your friend asks how you like your new hand blender? Don't lie. Say, "I love those so much, I already owned one — so I didn't think you'd mind if I exchanged it for a food mill. Thanks for making my life in the kitchen so much easier, that was so thoughtful of you!"

It's so much easier to be polite and honest than to lie and then sneakily do something behind their back. When you're the one who's given the gift that the other person returns or doesn't want, make sure you don't take it personally. Also, remember it's the thought that counts. If you put a lot of thought into your gifts for individuals and families, you'll be able to find something that is meaningful and useful. Good luck, it's always a sticky thing isn't it?